I don’t have kids. I am already dead set that I will never populate the Earth with any offspring. The discussion of why I won’t get married or have a litter of little Kirk’s running around isn’t important. I am sure I have talked at great lengths about why I won’t. I brought up the topic of kids because it serves a point to the topic I am about to discuss. Even if you don’t have kids, you can still make your point. You don’t even have to resort to using children in your plan to make a point, even if the point is unimportant and a pathetic attempt and trying to come off as superior than others. If you want to make a point about something, I suggest you don’t do anything stupid.
I come from a large family and we always question who our mom loves the most. We’ll give her awful and bizarre circumstances that put two of us at the hands of her. She’ll have to save one and let the other perish, sort of like the ending to The Good Son, which is the second greatest Culkin movie other. If you don’t know the scene I am talking about, watch the ending to the movie and see which son she saves.
That is a huge weight to put on the shoulders of your mother. If my mother had to choose, I would hope she wouldn’t let me go. I mean, I am a pretty amazing kid. I have a vast database of corny jokes which are amaizing. Who else will she get to work on the crossword puzzle? No one. That’s right. Without me, she’ll never solve 21 across. But if my mother ever gets to the point of not wanting me as a son anymore I have a fall back plan. I have another person who will take me in and claim me as her own. This woman will be my new mom if the mother I have now decides to drop me like I dropped smoking and moved on like I was nothing but a passing phase, like the Harlem Shake.
I will admit that while I try to be a very positive person, there are times when I become a little negative. I am not always the happy, go-lucky person people seem to think I am. I have my days when I want to strangle the life out of each and every one of you. It’s nothing personal. I am just fed up with your depressing nature and the way you see life. I know life isn’t all sex and candy. I know life will be horrible and no matter how well we try, life will always be the red-headed cousin we try so eagarley to avoid. Nothing will protect us from the likes of the Debbie Downers. Debbie Downers have but one goal in life. They want to make sure we are sad. They want us to feel their pain. If they cannot feel joy then we, ourselves, shouldn’t feel joy, happiness, or anything that remotely feels like a warm embrace of love.
We all are afraid of something. It might be the dark or it might be the imaginary monster under the bed. I have my own share of phobias. Some of them are common and some phobias are stranger than fiction. I don’t suffer from arachnophobia. I don’t like spiders but I never will say I have a phobia of them. If you say you don’t have a fear of anything then I don’t believe you. We’re all afraid of something.
I mentioned my fear of people in bunny costumes. Still never found a scientific name for it but its real. I know there are other people out there who suffer from the same dread when they visit theme parks and spot the Easter Bunny hopping around. My fear, the one I am going to discuss now, stems from a movie. Since watching that movie and even having a run in with said fear, I am worried when I am near it. My imagination runs wild and I start having very strange thoughts. Sucks having an over active imagination. Simple things become much more than they actually are.
I work in retail. I have had my share of irate customers. I’ve been yelled at and I was even called a “giant dick with big ears“. It’s one of those perks you get when you sign up for a life of retail and customer service. When you’re in the retail world you have a certain respect for people in the same career path. While I don’t condone rude behavior towards waiters, cashiers, and others like them, I too have a breaking point when I become the people I dislike and find to be soulless beings with little to no regard for the person they are talking down to.