Wishing you all a Merry Christmas from me and J.
Looks like the Christmas Spirit is missing this year. Someone send a search party.
The holiday season is fast approaching. People are rushing about. They need to finish what little shopping they have left to beat the final hours before Santa arrives to bring joy and cheer to all the little girls and boys around the world. What’s that? You don’t believe in Santa? Then you probably don’t believe in the tooth fairy or the Easter Bunny. They are real. They are all very real. But if Santa and the others are real, does that mean other things are real too? What about those things that go bump in the night. Are they real too? Yes, they are.
While scouring the internet one night, I came across a holiday special of a classic television show. Much like “The Twilight Zone” and “The Outer Limits”, I have always loved anthology series. This series, “Tales From the Darkside” aired an episode back in 1986. The powers of Youtube helped me out. I was searching for another episode from an entirely different show. But aside from that, I found this little gem and now know that Santa is real and so is the Grither. Be warned, people. Don’t say his name. He doesn’t like it. He’ll find you. He’ll rip off your arms with his basketball-sized fists.
Two kids get an interesting story from his parents on Christmas Eve about a creature who doesn’t like to hear his name. Be scared and don’t piss off the Grither.
The tale has a great mix of horror and humor. I wish I had parents like them. The mother is hilarious. The song, uncle Barney Bismark, and Mrs. Claus’ tasty Lasagna. I expected the ending but just the banter between the parents is enough to make this episode a gem. The link is below. Go watch it and remember, DON’T SAY HIS NAME!
There truly is only one Christmas movie I can watch over and over again. No. It is not A Christmas Story (iTunes). That is a classic movie and anyone who says otherwise, is probably without a soul. I am not talking about a lost man and an angel named Clarence. That life is just sort of wonderful. Not even the crap on 34th street can perform a miracle to surpass the movie I have cherished since it first graced the screen 20 years ago. Twenty years was a long time ago. But this movie still holds up. It still holds a special place in my heart. The movie I am talking about is, Home Alone (iTunes). I had the book too. I must have read the book so many times. It was basically the movie. There were no differences. It was scene by scene. Word for word. I may still have the book. I do save everything. Let’s pray that I do. This little gem starred Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Catherine O’Hara, and John Candy. It was written and directed by the late John Hughes. The movie centers around a large family going on a trip to France. Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) is an eight year old boy who hates his family and just wants them to disappear.
Kevin gets in an argument the night before with his family over, “Who ate all the cheese pizza?“ Kevin is punished and sent to the third floor of the house. While standing at the steps, he screams at his mother that he wishes his family would disappear. A storm knocks out the power and the clocks are all reset, making the family oversleep. The family leaves the next morning in quite a hurry. A nosy kid is fumbling around one of the airport shuttle vans. One of the older kids is counting heads and counts him, mistaking him for Kevin. Kevin wakes up the next morning, searching for his family. When no one answers, he gets the idea that his wish for his family to disappear had come true. With no family around, Kevin does what any other eight year old would do. He pigs out on junk food, jumps on furniture, and watches movies he shouldn’t.
The family is on the plane and is bothered that she forgot something. A lightbulb goes off and she remembers she forgot her son. “Kevin!” The mother is determined to get home to her son. With a failed attempted at getting a flight, she hitches a ride with a polka group led by Gus Polinski (John Candy). He’s a member of the Kenosha Kickers. The family stays behind at the airport and she leaps in the back of the budget rental van to be subjected to their greatest hits. While the family is busy getting home, Kevin protects his house from two bumbling robbers, (Pesci and Stern). Kevin doesn’t hide under the bed. He needs to be the man of the house and protect it. He sets up booby traps and arms himself with Buzz’s BB gun. He is armed and ready for whatever the Wet Bandits have to throw at him. The house becomes a war zone. Kevin attacks them with ice, blow torches, irons, and many more household objects. The wet bandits didn’t give up. They were thirsty for more. In the end, Kevin protects his house and saves the day, with a little help from Old Man Marley.
Maybe it was my age at the time of its’ release, I don’t know. But it is my all time favorite Christmas movie. Even the movies theme (Somewhere in my Memory) pulls at a few chords. I wasn’t a fan of Buzz then and I’m still not a fan of that goon. He was the big brother Kevin adored. The spider and the skin magazines he had. Any eight year old would love to gaze their eyes on a centerfold. Maybe not the french babes. Cause we all know, french babes don’t shave their pits. There are so many parts in this movie that were great then and still great now. Not a big fan of Christmas music but when they play “Carol of the Bells” at the church, I get goosebumps.
The movie spawned three sequels. The second one was meh. Instead of an old man, we get a crazy woman who likes birds. The family is heading to Florida. Kevin mistakenly boards a flight to New York. While there, the Wet Bandits are loose on the streets, after breaking out of prison. The third was a utter piece of trash. Never saw the fourth one. I cannot comment on that. But it has French Stewart in it. That is all you need to know.
I am sure many of you have seen this. I just feel it’s important to add this to the list since it is X-mas. I could have gone with, “Santa’s Slay” but that movie can wait. Trust me. That’s also a movie you just need to see for the pure awesomeness of it. But ‘Home Alone” is a classic. It was a huge hit then and twenty years later, it still holds up today. I have seen this movie enough times that I know all the lines. I quote “the cheese pizza” dialogue whenever I order cheese pizza. I’ll quote Uncle Frank when someone screws up at work. So many great lines. Grab a Pepsi. Turn on your talkboy, and settle down for a night of Home Alone.
I stood in line
and waited forever
to meet the man
who had all the answers.
The line zipped left
and the line zipped right
The line was idle
all through the night.