An Open Letter To The Sharpie People

To whom it may concern,

I am a user of your markers. They are the best. Being in the work field that I am in, I am in constant need of a marker. I could be cheap and grab a Crayola marker but those are for children and being a man-child and as much as I prefer the scented markers, I don’t think working for a million dollar+ company and caught using markers that smell like apple, bananas, chocolate, or grape. It won’t speak too highly of me. I opt out of using those and go with the brand that has a name that embodies the greatness of markers.

I want to vent about your markers for a while. Okay, maybe not for a while because sharpie markersthis isn’t a huge rant but really something that just grinds my gears and makes my already, alcohol-infused blood boil. Your markers are the epitome of markers. No one can match you and no one will ever make a marker like you do. You know your awesome with markers but each and everyone of us have a fault. I know I am not in that bracket of having faults cause I am truly awesome at everything I do. Let me explain your fault and hopefully, just hopefully, your trained engineers at your plant can devise a better plan at making markers that don’t suck. I am not saying all your markers suck. I love the Sharpie Pro’s. They are my go to markers. I don’t care much for your pastel markers cause I am trying to do work and not create some Easter-like artwork. Like for real. Drop that orange and yellow sharpie. They suck.

The attached picture of said marker is what makes me wonder if you really know what you’re doing at your place of work. SharpieLook at that terrible craftsmanship. Doesn’t matter how old or new the marker is, the cap to the fine tip marker always (and I mean always) gets stuck in the other cap. I have to go caveman on it and use my teeth to pry it from inside the other.

Why do you do this to us? Why do you not create a better cap or use your noggin’ to make it not stick and leave us to using ourĀ incisors to remove said cap instead of using those incisors to eat manly things, like steak and pork? I have lost countless markers and ruined plenty of shirts because this marker you produce is the definition of garbage and just a laughable excuse for the markers you create. Not to mention all the markers that have dried out because said cap couldn’t be removed.

I am begging you to fix this issue. This is coming from a life long user of your markers and a loyal customer who writes fan fiction about the markers you have widely available for the public. I may be lying about the part of being a life time user but the fan fiction part is 100% true. I’d share my work with you but it is a bit risque and makes 50 Shades of Grey look like a children’s book.

Please, Sharpie people. Get your act together and fix this horrible problem. Unless I am a complete idiot and not using the marker correctly, then ignore this letter and go about your way. But if I am right and you do sell faulty markers with caps that stick like white and rice, then please, and I speak for the whole Sharpie community, please fix this issue.

A loyal user and Sharpie Fan Fiction writer,


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