Everyone was young once. It was nice being young. Being young meant not having responsibilities. It meant days of playing tag, red rover, and selling lemonade for a measly quarter. There were no weights on our shoulders and we were okay with that. We let mommy and daddy deal with all that grief. We let them double check the checkbook and we let them drive us around like personal chauffeurs. Being young was awesome. There isn’t a single thing I can come up with that put a sour taste in my memory of being young, innocent, and wet behind the ears. If I could go back to then, I would. We all would. It’s sucks growing up and if anyone back then told you how awesome it is to be a grown up, they lied. Being an adult is nothing like I thought it’d be. This isn’t what I was promised.
So I mentioned to a friend that I was looking for a new roommate. He told me that he had an extra room and could use the cash. We discussed it for a while over a growing pile of empty beer cans and decided that we could make a good match.
I am a loner. I’ve been called weird for living alone. I’ve been called a loser for wanting to live alone and not socialize with people. I guess when you live alone and spend a majority of your time, tweeting, blogging, and making bad but funny puns, it automatically qualifies you as a weirdo. If I am a loser, so be it. I guess my high school english teacher was correct. I guess he predicted this and the future of being lonely, boring, and one-dimensional. Thank you, Mr. Purple Polo. You know what? Remember that paper you wanted me to write about “why I can’t do homework because I work too much?” I never wrote it. I had to work and with my dedication to my job and lack of motivation, I decided to not write your stupid paper and opted to make money instead.
Before I get to this hilarious joke, I want to apologize for slacking on the blogging. I ran into a bit of a slump. I had nothing to say till now. I have a few ideas lined up but instead of posting a heart-felt entry or something sarcastic, I decided to post a punny joke. If you know me, you know this following joke will be funny as hell. Cause I am f**king funny guy. Honestly, my jokes make women weak in the knees. If you don’t laugh at this joke, you have no sense of humor. If you groan at it, then you are a douche. Laugh. I know you will. Cause I did. Anyway… here’s the joke. Comedy special, here I come!
I think my life of crime is catching up to me. The FBI isn’t taking it lightly and before the month, possibly the week is up, I will be arrested the FBI. I was unaware that after 25+ years the FBI was watching me. They are not going to let me go. I will need to pay for my crime and will face the judge and the jury. If you have ever stolen a candy bar from a grocery store, you too may be on their list. I was 4 years old and swiping that snickers off the shelf, started my life of crime and put me on the FBI’s most wanted list. If you don’t believe me then read the following e-mail. All this for stealing a candy bar. Looks like my life is over.
The email has not been altered in any way. I received this today. If you got the same email, let me know. I want to know how deep the Bureau is going to capture all of us.