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I have become very anti-Christmas over the years. I can explain why now but that will take too long. I will save that for another time. But I wish to share with you a short, short story about Christmas. A story that isn’t about the happiness and the joy of the holidays. This is a story about the dark side of it. Or really, just a story I wanted to write a twist on the holiday people love dearly.
There are certain smells that I just do not like. We all find things repulsive. I am not talking about normal things, like rotting food or sewage. I am speaking of the normal things that others find okay and aren’t turned off by them. I want to talk to you about some certain smells that get me ill, things that make me quickly cover my nose and run away like it’s toxic fumes. These are smells that will make me gag and turn my nose to its’ pungent smell. They are just horrible. Maybe you’re okay with them but I am not. I’d rather smell the residue in a gas station bathroom left behind by some frat boy’s ruined anus after a long night of drinking and taco bell than smell the things I am about to list. Wallowing in your farts is bliss compared to the aroma of these following things…
When you’re a kid, money is important. A shiny quarter is like a million bucks to you. I am going to tell you a story about money. It takes place decades ago. I don’t know the exact year but I am going to think it took place in probably 1990. It is a story about money, family, and failing to hold up to a promise. I should probably pay up and accept the fact but I am stubborn and will not fold.
I am not a skier. I have never been. I don’t have an interest in it and never will. I had two separate times when I went skiing and both times they ended in terrible tragedies. Okay, so it wasn’t tragic. If you read on, you will realize that I have a terrible relationship when it comes to putting on skies and going down a hill. I am not a sporting person. I prefer to run but I have been lacking in that department. I would play football with friends that was probably the greatest time I ever had playing football. I am not going to say skiing is a sport. It is a leisure activity but if you were to ask someone who takes skiing as a career, they will argue with me and say, yes, skiing is a sport. Skiing is a sport just like Nascar is a sport. I am rambling on because I want to lengthen this introduction to more than just a few sentences. Keep reading and you will understand why I don’t ski and why I have terrible luck with it.