There are certain smells that I just do not like. We all find things repulsive. I am not talking about normal things, like rotting food or sewage. I am speaking of the normal things that others find okay and aren’t turned off by them. I want to talk to you about some certain smells that get me ill, things that make me quickly cover my nose and run away like it’s toxic fumes. These are smells that will make me gag and turn my nose to its’ pungent smell. They are just horrible. Maybe you’re okay with them but I am not. I’d rather smell the residue in a gas station bathroom left behind by some frat boy’s ruined anus after a long night of drinking and taco bell than smell the things I am about to list. Wallowing in your farts is bliss compared to the aroma of these following things…
Food. Glorious food! Hot sausage and
You like food. I like food. We all like food! I really like food. It is the best thing in the world. Before this became what it is now, it was going to be about food and only food. I will get that to that in a future post. For now, I want to talk about food that I just don’t eat. I have talked about some of the things I don’t eat but I don’t think I have ever really dove into all the crap I dislike.
I like food. I really like food. I just can’t eat everything there is. My mother likes to claim that my older brother is a garbage disposal and will dump anything into his mouth, no matter how awful it may be. I on the other hand cannot eat everything that people put in front of me. I have my limits. I have standards as to what I will eat. I am a picky eater and I am not ashamed to admit it. I love food. I eat a lot and will eat till the cows come home. When those said cows do come home, I will grind those bovines up and will create a burgers that isjuicy and dripping with grease. Trust me, I like food. I love food. I like Mexican food. I like Chinese food. I like BBQ and above all else, I like Italian food more than anything. Nothing is better than lasagna. Everyone loves lasagna.
A lady I work with just celebrated her birthday the other day. She went to a great steak place. I find it funny that this entry is also about steak. Sure the past blog (yesterday’s entry) was a joke but it was still about steak nonetheless. Her going to Longhorn Steakhouse got me to thinking about a visit I had when I went there. It wasn’t a bad visit at all. It was a normal visit but instead of just having my waiter wait on me and my mom, I had the manager come out and surprise me with his presence. I felt honored. I felt like I was master of my domain just without the one-handed gestures.
When the news broke about Hostess closing down shop for good, people went nuts. They completely lost it and took that event as the end of the world. Will the world end because Hostess is gone and you can no longer enjoy the sweet, sugary goodness of the Twinkie? No. I already explained that it will be zombies. Just because you can’t get a Twinkie anymore doesn’t mean the world is going to end. It’ll be devastating to the survivors in the zombie apocalypse but it won’t destroy the world. Besides, I bet you are overreacting to the whole thing. I bet you are just jumping on the band wagon because other people are treating this like it’s something life threatening. I bet you don’t even care about Hostess.
Calm down. It’s a f**king Twinkie. You’ll be fine.