With vacation now started, I have to decide what I will do. Vacation means two things. I have plenty of free time to do whatever I want and I also am free from the clutches of a ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule to word. They can do what they want but they’ll never recruit me. I am my own army.
The new year is drawing closer. This year has been nothing special. I did transfers stores. I still live with the zombie, the ghost, and now I live near a witch. I never completed a task I wanted to do this year. But that is okay. I am still writing but not writing enough. I don’t blog as much as I should. I wish I could go on say how this year was fantastic and I accomplished much but I didn’t. It was a boring year and with 2012 only a few days away, I am hoping to complete things I said I would. I even have some goals I would like to make. Below are some goals I have for 2012. It’s my bucket list of things to complete before 2013 arrives or if the Mayan’s are right about the end of the world, then I have till only December 21st to finish it. We survived the rapture once, we won’t do it again.
1) Write More.
If you read this blog or if you know me, then you probably know that I like to write. I am currently writing 2 stories at the moment and have 2 more on the back burner. They are all pretty good stories. I like to think all my stories are good. Even my book, Eden, was fantastic. It was finished many years ago but I never did anything with it. It needs to be heavily edited and tinkered with some. I still am pretty bothered by the ending but if I ever go back to it, I’ll revise it. You can read some of the book here or here.
Today, I had a fantastic idea about my current stories I am writing. None of the stories are about monsters or things that are made up. Each one is about the dark side of people and the scary things people deal with every day. I am writing 2 at the moment. I write one while I sit on break and the other is written at home. I thought today about having all these stories intertwine. Why not have people from one story show up in the other and vice versa? The only thing I have to fix in the story I am writing at home, is change the main characters name and add a few side stories about people from the story I a writing at work. I hope this isn’t confusing. I know this had been done before but I have never done it. I think this will be an excellent idea. It will be a great way for me to publish my work. Which leads me into my next item on my list.
2)Publish Something I Have Written.
With the idea I have about my current stories, this will be a fantastic way to try and sell more than just one story. I have been thinking about going the route of doing an ebook. I can sell it for about a dollar or two. I still have yet to think about a price but since I am not a famous writer, no one is going to run to amazon to buy my book. Sell it cheap. Why? Cause the first ebook I sell will have a few stories in it, plus one of the four I am planning on writing. You’ll need to pick up the next ebook to see what happens next. That’s pure genius. I have plenty of stories I can send off places. There are a few on my site you can read. Even some poems you’re welcome to enjoy. Check them out here and let me know what you think of them.
Poem 1 Poem 2 Poem 3 Poem 4 Poem 5
3)Promotion.
I am still doing the same think I have been doing for 17 years. I am at a new store and getting in the training program to be a manager. Will it happen? I hope so. I just don’t know when. I would like it to be sometime next year. It’s time for me to stop playing second fiddle and be the man in charge. This promotion can and probably take me elsewhere. I don’t mind that. I am ready to move on. Believe me. After all the crap I went through a year earlier, I will take anything.
4)Move To A New State.
I have been saying this for years but I always seem to never go for it. Guess I like knowing that I am safe and aware of my surroundings. Packing up and moving is a scary thing. You’re in a new place and don’t know anyone. You have to relearn everything and find doctor’s, gas stations, places to eat, etc… But it’s something I want. If I was to ever get promoted and become a manager, I will be on the look out for a new city. I would even look for a new state. Being the new guy is nice. You can be whoever you want and no one would be the wiser. I tried that though. I tried that at my new store but I can’t be something I am not. I stuck with being the funny, everybody’s friend kind of guy. Still, the company I am at, everybody knows everybody.
5)Not To Die.
I am sure this is everyone’s list. My health is fine. Aside from my constant panic attacks and the smoking, I think I am doing pretty well. I just rather not die. If I do die, I want to kick some zombie ass. That would be nice.
6)Be Healthy.
If I don’t die, then being healthy is the way to go. I bought a bike a while ago but when I tried the first time to be healthy, all these problems started to happen. Now, I feel like I should go back and give it one more try. I want to quit smoking. I am aiming for the first of the year. I want to start riding my bike, and maybe follow in the steps of my sister and brother and try running. If I want to run or bike, I will need to stop smoking first. We’ll see on that one. I still suffer from the panic attacks which for a while, seemed to go away. I thought maybe it was work related. Eventually, the horrible feeling of dying came back. I am not going to the doctors. I rather not be medicated for the rest of my life. Guess the only one to blame about these attacks and letting them continue is my own fault. It’s not even the attacks that are affecting me now. I have been getting arthritis in my right hand. It comes and goes. Like the panic attacks, it’s another issue I deal with. Not getting meds for that either. With all this crap slowing killing me, I wonder if I will ever go back to normal. I guess I can start with quitting smoking. Like I said, we’ll see if that happens.
7)Do Another Food/Drink Log For 2012.
I did it once already and know I can do it again. I still find myself snacking for too much. That isn’t an issue. I don’t gain weight. I can eat all I want and not worry about looking like a whale on the beach. I did the log last time for my own amusement. I am not looking into seeing if I should eat better. I already know I should. I won’t ever do that. Unless eating better means being healthier, then I guess I will have to start eating right. But who wants to take away those little things in life that make me happy? I will never stop eating junk food or stop off at fast food joints. I am too lazy to cook. Someone else can do it for me. Even if that person is some 14 year old, acne ridden kid just looking for some cash.
8)Survive The Zombie Apocalypse.
When 2012 happens, the world will end. We know that. When it does, we’ll be waging a war against zombies. I have plans to survive. I better survive. I can’t fire a gun but I know enough to last a while when they do rise and feast on our loved ones. Watch some zombie movies and you have your own guide to fend off the undead and help repopulate a world that is nothing but a giant wasteland.
9)Get Married And Have Kids.
Just kidding. I actually plan on avoiding this again. I don’t need a wife. I don’t need kids. I am sure I can do it. This is always on my list and I always seem to get this one checked off.
There aren’t many things on my list. I am sure during the coming year, I’ll think of something I want to accomplish. I am not looking for fame or fortune. Both be nice but I just want to complete the things I have listed above. I want to write more. I want to publish something. I want to get away from this state and go somewhere else. It all depends on my job and what and where it will lead me. I will go far. I will check off the items on this list. These are my goals for the year. I just have to get my act together and let myself know that I can do it and to stop looking at a glass half empty.
There was a horrible accident the other day at a local diner I go to often. I won’t stop going there. It hasn’t made the list of places I banned. Believe me, you do not want to make that list. This place, however, did put a damper on my day and I hope that all those involved are okay and I pray for those that didn’t make it. It’s sad to read something like this. You feel sorry for the cooks. I knew I would never try and escape. I would just slide them over my wallet and my phone. Okay, maybe not my phone. I wouldn’t risk my life.
What’s the moral of this story? If you’re a cook, make sure your kitchen is stocked before you flee for your life. Chances are the spice shelf is empty and if that’s empty, well my friend, you’re out of luck…
and thyme.
For my job, sometimes I have to take a delivery. I know my way around my area but being at a new store and in a city I know not much about, getting an address and a map quest is essential to me getting there on time. The other day, I took a delivery to a church. The sheet with the information just labeled the building as ‘church’. That’s all it said. My first thought was maybe this is the only church in the whole city but that can’t be right. I am sure there are more churches in the city. I asked someone to get me a map quest. After the third request, she finally brought me one. It looked pretty simple. Just a short drive from where I am. I loaded up the van and headed out west. I noticed first off that the van I was in was riding on empty. I just hope that the van will get me there and back and let the next driver deal with the low fuel.
I drove passed a building. That could be it but I didn’t see any address on the building. It was a church but when I arrived there, there was only one car in the parking lot. Was this the place? Was I already there? I decided to whip out my handy dandy iPhone and do a quick google map of the place. It pinpointed my location and I entered in the address of the place I was needing to go. Instantly, the directions show up. Below is what I saw. Thank you, google maps. You found the place for me!
Here comes the final part to this three part post. I began this trilogy with my hunt for a new job. I explained how the last week went. That second post more or less talked about the final day I had and how awful it turned out to be. This final post is to talk about the good times I had at the store. I had some great memories at that store. Even when I worked at another store, I had some amazing times. I had the honor to meet a man who wanted nothing more than to take me out for a delicious, deep dish pizza. I met a man who was off his medication one night and created a story I dubbed, “the helicopter story“. I remember having a cool whip fight one night. Once, a friend and I plastic wrapped a girls car. Oh boy, did she cry and cry. Someone else got the blame at first but we were finally caught. We had a good talking to and had a finger shake at us for quite a while.
Coming to the new store, you are never too sure about who you’ll meet and if they will accept you or even understand you. I like to think of myself as a pretty witty person. I can be vulgar and slap stick funny, but I prefer sticking to an old fashion pun. What can I say, I’m punny. I cannot talk about everything in this post. I will try to talk about some of the greatest times I had there and what I hope will make a lasting impression on some people. I hope that with me moving on, mannerism and inside jokes will keep going or keep going until all those that knew of me are gone.
1. Lesbian Vest Day (LVD)
I cannot go around calling it Lesbian Vest Day. That would get me in a whole heap of trouble. Instead, a few of us dubbed it LVD. It’s catchier. LVD was a Thursday event. Each Thursday, a friend and I would come to work in a vest. We started with just a black vest but eventually put some money towards getting each a red one. We were allowed to wear different color shirts each day. We call each other up Wednesday and we would plan the outfit. Sometimes we wore all black. Black shirt, black pants, black tie, and a black vest. Stylish. Too bad for the below photo, the red vests came out looking orange. No matter, the LVD was legendary. I wanted to bring it back but never did. Maybe one day. Maybe another day down the road this great fashion statement will arise and become a hit. LVD forever.
2. The Lunch Lady
When I worked at the other store, I wrote a short story called “The R Sisters”. It was nothing serious. It was never a story I was going to send out to publishers. It was just something silly I wanted to write. This story was based off of people I worked with. The newest story I wrote was “The Lunch Lady”. It was never completed but maybe it will be. Maybe I’ll finally have an ending. I mean, I did leave and all. So the finale can come about with everything I witnessed in those 6 1/2 years. The idea of the story was about Super Heroes. Two fractions. The Tidy Titans vs. The Bad Guy Brigade. They both wanted control of the city. If they wanted to win it all, they would need the help of The Lunch Lady. She was dubbed Horrendous Helmet. Stick in other people I work with. Toss in the Fantastic Four (smalls, protein, droopy, tats). These four were Hell bent on bringing everyone down. Smalls lived Proteins backpack. Call it childish. Call it unprofessional. Whatever. The story was great. I mean, these people should have been flattered to be in such a story. Maybe one day I will finish it. Till then, a little section from this epic adventure!
The bus ride took them on the normal route. It was the same route they took every year. It was a ten minute drive through some residential areas, then to the busy city that all the kids remember from last year. Not much has built up during the summer. Only thing new that they could see, was a small shop that was to open in a few weeks. “Ed’s Snow Globe Emporium: Coming Soon.” It used to be a laundry mat but not anymore. The laundry mat closed up that summer. It went broke. The owner was pretty cool with letting his employees take money out of the register. It was called an “iou” but his people never paid him back. Ironically, Ed worked there. What was even stranger is the day after the laundry mat closed; Ed put up a down payment and bought the place. Now, I know this story can’t get any stranger but it does. The laundry mat lost with all its “iou’s” a total of 50,000 dollars. And how much did Ed front for the building? He dropped 49,999. He needed that extra dollar for a Pepsi. It was buy one get free. Plus those caps, he just doubled his chances of getting a free one.
Yeah. Dancing With The Stars? Eat your heart out. I guess he’s a big star back home with his own personal dance. Honestly, people don’t have moves like he does.
kk
4. The Smoker
If I were to scream, “ahhhh…..2”, you’ll have no idea what the hell I am talking about. But to those that I worked with, they will fully understand it. I fibbed on how this came to be. He didn’t scream the number 2. He screamed the number 3. It sounds funnier and easier to say. Screaming, “ahhhh……3” is too hard. If just waddling around screaming, ‘ahhh’ is a riot. You had to work with this man to fully understand half the crap I come up with. He was quite a character. Someone I know said he was an adult Cartman. I can see it. It’s sad that I am going to miss him. He would give me headaches half the time I worked with him. I guess without him, I might have nothing to talk about. Believe me, I got some of my best material cause of him.
5. The Peeps.
I worked with some pretty colorful people. I worked with a half Mexican/half Chinese gal. The laziest genius I know. (that was a pretty stereotypical joke right there.) I will miss getting grinded on. There have been so many times where I was groped where I could have called for an adult but I didn’t. For being a guy with a slight case of OCD, I sure don’t mind the occasional hands on experience. I did offer hand shakes and hugs when I left. I just don’t like being touched. Such a uneasy moment that day. Oh, and I saw you when she all over me. You can eff off. I know you’re glad I am gone. Believe me, I’m glad too. I at least don’t have to deal with your face and criticism anymore. I don’t even know why I speak of you. You left a bad taste in my mouth. (that’s what she said.)
I’ll never get to learn how to scuba dive. I had my chance but now that I am gone, who will teach me? Plus, she was gonna let me wear her own earmuffs. Can’t ever go wrong with earmuffs. Every morning, I would scream at her asking where my coffee was. Who will get me my coffee now? I can’t go around asking people for coffee like I would ask her. That’s just calling for trouble.
Other things I will remember for a while,
the hairy big toe.
“You trippin’!”
“I want biscuit and gravy. Yes! Gravy.”
“You got that!?”
“I got attacked by a pitbull.”
“Dirk?”
“Avacado!”
“It’s funny!”
“The customers called me at home.”
“I got hit by a steering wheel.”
“Durka Durka”
“147…..1….4…..7!”
“It was Bethany and Michael’s fault.”
“Really? Really!?”
Being chased by someone with a lobster.
Ray’s missing finger and the high fours I gave him.
“OoooO……”
“Stupid foreigner!”
“You gonna help with the twuck?”
Victor’s fake baby.
The witch.
“Kirkels!? Kirkels!? Thats’ not my name! OMG! I’ve called you that since day one!”
“Do.”
“(clear throat) Bitch.”
“You going to the back?”
While there is probably dozens more things I can include in this post, I can’t go on forever. I will miss many people from that store. I will miss the good times we had. Since I will not be around to amuse you at work, I promise to get back to work on the comics. Promise. I’ll be seeing you all whenever I can. Until we meet again, SUCK ONE!