06/18/12
eatbrains

Q & A: The Legend of the Dead Zombie Wife

The Dead Zombie Wife story has been going on for at least a year now. It is a made up story. I like to call the legend, factual fiction. I am going to answer some questions I’ve been asked and some questions I am going to pretend I was asked. The part of this post is to shed some light on the story and why I write what I write. Enjoy.

Continue reading

05/30/12
bookofmormon

The Mormon Occult

Note from Author: I want to make something clear about this story I am about to tell. It touches heavily on the Mormon religion and God. These stories about the Dead Zombie Wife all the way to the Mormon Cult is fiction. I stretch the truth and elaborate on much of what is mentioned. Don’t take this stuff to heart. There are no evil Mormons trying to steal my soul. There is no zombie in my wall and the man below me isn’t a ghost with creepy ghosts children. It’s all for fun. Let me explain it all quickly. I heard a scratch on the wall one night and that scratch created Claudia or as I call her, The Dead Zombie Wife. I can tell you that some of the things below and the previous stories did actually happen. I just added a little flair to it to make it a little more interesting. Again. The Elders that visit me are not sent by Satan to claim my soul. The part about me praying, that is true. I swear.

Continue reading

01/8/12
witchmovie

Coming Soon: The Witch

If you are familiar with this site, then you have heard me talk about the witch. The witch is the mother of the Anti-Christ. She has brought disaster to me and many other people. Here is documentary style movie about her and what happens when you get too close to the witch. I hope the movie arrives in the theaters earlier than they are saying. I am sure you’ll love to catch this. I am warning you. The movie is scary and some folks say it may be cursed.

01/2/12
Cryptkeeper

The Cryptkeeper Is To Blame

I have been puzzled with something for a while now. I don’t smoke inside cause it just stinks up the place. FYI…smoking is on my list of things to quit. We’ll see how well that goes. Quitting would benefit me but for the culprit behind the ongoing theft will be pretty angry. Since I smoke outside, I keep a tiny ashtray on my porch. It’s really a flower pot but beggers can’t be choosers. Whatever. It works. I would smoke and throw the butt into the pot. I began to notice something off. I would have a few butts in the pot. It could be the next morning or it could be hours later. The butts in the pot were beginning to disappear. Honestly. That’s eff’ed up. Where the hell were they going? Was it maybe a bird swooping in and claiming my old butts as his? Was he using them to build a nest for his baby birds? It’s possible. Maybe it’s the family of cats that live under the stairs. They are growing in numbers and sooner or later, we’ll be taken over by the feline infestation.

Continue reading

12/10/11
Devil-icon

The Anti-Christ Is Coming

I have warned people about this. I have explained many times before about the evil that seems to find me. This place, this quiet suburban area I live in, is nothing more than a watering hole for the devil and his chums. From the dead zombie wife living in my walls, to the witch, and even the ghost of Carlos, the demon gathering is growing. It’s not just growing in my hood, it’s also growing inside the stomach of the witch. Yes, folks. The witch is with child and if American Horror Story has taught me anything, Spock is a gay guy who likes Halloween and ghost can knock up bitchy moms.

People have spoken about the anti-christ for sometime now. Some believe he is already here. Some think it’s Obama. While I doubt it’s him, you wonder. Pastor Shepard thinks it’s him. If you don’t believe me, watch the video below. He knows all and he’s  building a Jesus Plane to save us…or at least those that contribute to its assembly. Other theories revolve around a small town in Kansas. Stull, Kansas is a place the pope himself won’t even fly over. It is said to be one of the gateways to Hell. There is a graveyard with a church (which has been burned down) with steps that lead nowhere. Freaky, huh? In the graveyard, a witch fornicated with the devil. His seed was planted and she gave birth to the anti-christ. if that is true, he is already here. He is already walking among us.

 

Obama is the Anti-Christ

 I don’t believe either of those crazy ideas. My idea is sane. My idea has logic. I have stories and fact to back it all up and prove to you once and for all, the anti-christ is coming. He has yet to be born but when he is, you can be sure that the little guy is coming out with a pitchfork and a secret crush on Suddam Hussein. Let’s go back some to the beginning. Let’s talk a little more about the witch. The witch entered my world a few years ago. She led me to believe she was okay. I extended my hand and welcomed her with a firm handshake  fist bump. As time went on, her accurate know how of Virgo’s and how typical we are, were spot on. She knew me better than I knew myself. Her moving into my neighborhood was her plan all along. She just had to get a little push from the devil. I am sure those two were in cahoots before she moved in. He’s out to get me. She’s out to get me. Now, he knocked her up. Folks, get ready to meet the Anti-Christ.

Nom…nom…nom.

The witch is now with child. The devil can take many forms. He can look like Al Pacino or he can look like a lanky kid who has a thing for witches. How else would this gal get a man in her life? I don’t see any angels or everyday normal guys lining up at her door to sweep her off her feet? (and yes, I said sweep. It’s a witch joke. Cause witches ride brooms, people sweep with brooms.) How many? I’ll tell you. None. No sane person would do that. No god loving Christian would ask for her hand or dip himself inside her deep, dark crevice. Not even a T-Rex mormon would share with her the good word and get her to stop before she even started.

I am aware the witch lives with another person. It’s a male. That alone will make anyone think that she is living with the devil. Maybe she put a spell on the devil and is coaxing him to carrying out the plan for Armageddon. There are plenty of theories. Was it his idea to knock up the witch or did she put a spell on the devil himself to get him to plant his fertile, evil seed inside her? Let’s say that it was his idea. Being his idea, he had to get near her. How else would he do this but trick her into believing someone besides an honorable herm would actually want to do an act that is unholy to say the least.  Are you picking up what I’m laying down? If the roommate is the devil, then the devil lives in my hood. His plan works. He knocks her up and the sad, little witch is a pawn in his game to tear down and ruin the world that God himself made for us. The devil is a tricky son of a bitch.

We can go the other route. We can say that the witch planned the whole thing. She already dabbles in the occult. Her powers from Tarot cards and magic 8 balls, gave her pinpoint accuracy of who the devil is. She finds out what disguise he has on and pressures him into falling in love. When that didn’t work, she did some voodoo and cursed him. She wanted the devil to impregnate her. The witch knows this guy is the devil. She may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I have a sneaky suspicion she chose this lanky fellow for the sole purpose of ending the world. She has some beef with the world and a beef with me, that moving in to my neighborhood was step one of bringing the world to its’ knees. To be the one who is carrying the Anti-Christ is big news. Big enough to totally FB status it. After moving in and getting the seed planted, she can move to step two. Step two is putting an end to me. She’ll torment me. She’ll send the ghosts, the zombies, and the army of cats to drive me and others like me, away from this place. We’re here to protect this place. We are the only form of defense in putting an end to her plan to bring mankind to an end. She wants the world to end. Being the wife of the devil and the mother of the Anti-Christ is all that she wants. She wants me gone and this is a big problem.

All the problems I have with the other demons is nothing compared to what will eventually become the beginning of the end. Now I have to worry about the devil poisoning my neighborhood with his evil doings. They must be planning something. Why else would there be ghosts, zombies, and witches living here? I am sure they are prepping for Armageddon. Will the world end in 2012? Doubt that. The child needs time to establish himself. Give it 20 to thirty years before he gets us all to hold hands and sing Kumbayah.

Kumbaya – Pete Seeger [10/24] [1963]

 That would be nice but when then happens, we’ll all be ready to watch the world crumble and the Earth will finally come to an end. Will anyone survive? Survive or not survive, it doesn’t matter one bit. When the child comes clawing its way out, the world is doomed. Be forewarned, everyone. The wheels are already in motion. She and the devil have teamed up. His seed is festering inside her. The witch is going to be popping out that kid next year. Enjoy what little time you have left. Pick a side. Will you follow God or take the side of a witch? Choose wisely. Don’t make the mistake and throw the wrong person under the bus.