Two Left Feet

I hate dancing. I know for a fact I am a horrible dancer. It’s the main reason why I stayed off the dance floor at the clubs. I am sure there are plenty of other people who don’t dance for different reasons. Maybe some of them are shy. Maybe some people can’t dance. Others may have the same problem I have. Or they could have their own problem. A large problem…

Continue reading


Don’t Make Life All About Cereal

I was appalled when someone tried to tell me I was lazy. Me! I’m far from lazy. The guy that yelled this blasphemous lie was out to get me. He wanted me fired. He said I spent more time yanking my chicken and spanking the monkey than actually doing real work. It’s okay. Yell at me all you want for being lazy (which I am not).

Continue reading


Playing The Field

I do my best to never gawk and stare at the ladies that lurk about in the store. It’s eye candy at times. I see some hot soccer moms and I see some pretty hot, single ladies that (and I might be mistaken) beg me to put a ring on it, oh oh oh…

I learned my lesson before. Had a woman catch me staring right at her. It was many years ago so any charges that were filed against me have been dropped. I wasn’t even the only peeping tom checking out the hottie in aisle one. They all parted and ran off before her eyes caught any glimpse of us men with our jaws open and droll rolling down the side of our mouths. She caught me and only me. She caught me with my eyes fixated on the two giant melons just busting from the top she was donning.

Continue reading


The Nozzle Joke

I can make jokes about work all day. There are endless occurrences that get me laughing till my sides hurt. Thankfully, I have a wonderful tool to help explain these happenings. Readers who don’t work with me will never get the jokes and I am sure some of the folks I work with won’t get it either.

Continue reading



I do like me some chicken. The one thing I will crave more than anything. You tend to get hungry when you work with food all day. If you’re going to prepare your own meal, do it when no one is watching.

Continue reading