Playing The Field

I do my best to never gawk and stare at the ladies that lurk about in the store. It’s eye candy at times. I see some hot soccer moms and I see some pretty hot, single ladies that (and I might be mistaken) beg me to put a ring on it, oh oh oh…

I learned my lesson before. Had a woman catch me staring right at her. It was many years ago so any charges that were filed against me have been dropped. I wasn’t even the only peeping tom checking out the hottie in aisle one. They all parted and ran off before her eyes caught any glimpse of us men with our jaws open and droll rolling down the side of our mouths. She caught me and only me. She caught me with my eyes fixated on the two giant melons just busting from the top she was donning.

It’s been many years since that embarrassing day. I am not in high school anymore. I’m growing up. They aren’t.

But what if there are people out there who play the field all over the place? What if they don’t bother to worry about age and go either way. They don’t care if they gal is into the Jonas Brothers or the Righteous Brothers. If you’re aiming towards the 15 to life gals, don’t tap me on the shoulder and ask me what I think about them. I’d be more curious about their mom. Even the ladies with the hip replacements are not for me. Going to the club with the geriatric generation will be difficult when they ask to dance. There isn’t much room in the first place, so how the  hell will they make room for their Rascal.

Please take a step back and think before you announce to the world about the hot girl looking at the bagged lettuce in the produce section. Don’t ask me what I think about her. Your taste in women is appalling. Some gals you’ve pointed out aren’t on the hotness scale. They’re on the Richter Scale. Some of them have probably broken a few bathroom scales. Enough weight jokes. I should end this post.

Please find an age and stick with it. Don’t go monkey bars young and don’t go bingo hall groupies old. Go with something in between. Honestly, this is how I perceive you at times. Do you want to be this person? Do you want to be this kind of guy?

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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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