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My Apartment Is Cleansed

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Back in late August (08/20/2010), I mentioned how I had new neighbors moving in. I did fear them. I was not sure of what kind of heathens were going to be residing next to me for however long it may be. I was happy the Lazy Laundriers moved away. The reason for their departure is still unknown. I was paying rent one day and she asked how I like the new neighbors. I agreed they are good people. I added that they are better with completing their laundry than the past tenants. I mentioned two people living there. She snapped back at me. It was almost as if two people living their was my fault. Two people were not on the lease. It was just one. But which one? Was it the male or the female? Who was the person on the lease? Doesn’t matter now. They are gone. Life was good.

Flash forward to the arrival of the new peeps. I know his name. I don’t know hers. I know he told me one day but after a few drinks, I tend to forget them. Not to mention, I am terrible with names. So while Zach (still unsure of how he spells his name) and the others begin to move in boxes and the others, I questioned what kind of people they are. I am not talking about if they are party people, dbags, or a Mickey and Mallory Knox type couple. I just wanted to know if they are on the side of good or the dark. No Sith Lords here. I mean dark. Minions of the devil himself.

It could be too early to tell but as of now, I think God intervened and brought peace and some tranquility to my apartment. I usually listen to my music through headphones. I always pissed off the Ghost of Carlos. The last week, I took some pretty big risks and played the music through my speakers. I listened not only to the music but for any sign that I could be angering the ghost below me. There were no complaints from Carlos about the volume level of my music. I might be jumping the shark but today and since the BP’s have moved in, things are going swimmingly. There have been no issues. Before I write this, I’ll knock on wood. I have not heard anything from Claudia. It’s very strange. There haven’t been any noises from her. She is out of my dreams and she’s not even in my car. Where on Earth did she go? Before the Boston Pop’s moved in, life was hell. After the LL’s moved out, things were better. Granted, I still had visits from Claudia and the Ghost of Carlos still tormented me. But for two weeks, nothing. Nada.

It is all good. Why isn’t he raising hell? Did something happen to him? Maybe he moved out too. I thought that. I mean I normally heard the ghost children running about and other random noises but as of lately, there hasn’t been any sounds coming from below. Like right now. As I am writing this blog, he’s not saying anything. It’s pretty loud. No knocking on the ceiling. It’s very strange. The other night, I had a couple people over. One friend decided to introduce herself to Carlos. She said he was reluctant to shaking her hand. Could mean something. Could just mean he’s OCD like me with germs. She said he was very nice and even offered to aid me if I ever needed it. The old Carlos wouldn’t offer help. The new Carlos did. What the hell is going on!? I’ve never seen Carlos but she did? Let’s go out on a limb here. Here is what could have happened. At least one possibility.

I offered my soul to the devil to rid myself of the Lazy Laundriers. My wish came true. Is my soul damned? No. My deal with the devil was never complete. God made sure of that. Weeks pass. The Boston Pops move in. Since they have moved in, I haven’t heard from Claudia and the Ghost of Carlos hasn’t been giving me grief. Zach was sent from God and cleansed my apartment of Claudia. Since Claudia is gone, so is the Ghost of Carlos. These two were attached to each other through love. She was sent to hell (where she belongs) and with her being gone, the connection between her and Carlos was broke. He was free from her evil grasp. His spirit was now free. Being free from the evil that was Claudia, God granted him a second chance. Since he was just a pawn in the world of Richard and Claudia, he came back to Earth to raise his children. Should I say raise or should I say protect? But who is he here to protect? His kids or me? And if he is here now to protect me, who from?

How crazy is it to be rid of the Lazy Laundriers, The Dead Zombie Wife, and the Ghost of Carlos? Even though they never harassed me, Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp are both gone. These things are not coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, right? The same time I was in the landlord’s office, I brought up NN and TS moving out. I did foul up and said,

“Oh, I don’t know their real names. I had pet names for them.”

I did dub my new neighbors, “The Boston Pops”. Maybe I should be nice to them. I usually give those I am not fond of names. I hardly know these people. I have talked to Zach a few times. He is a really nice guy. But since Zach has wore two shirts promoting the Boston Red Sox, I felt it best fits him and his family to be the Boston Pops. It’s much easier to have names like these when talking about the people I live around. NN & TS place is still empty. It’s only a matter of time before some crazy people move in there. Hopefully they don’t know the Bleach Murderer. Zach and his family have saved me from the hellish beast that craved my soul. I mentioned before that Zach is a Biblical name.

I don’t know but it looks like I will have a rough road ahead of me. I do not want to come off and say these are bad people. They may in fact be really nice. But with the circumstances that surround me, I am worried that maybe they might end up being the death of me. I brought this upon myself. I made a deal with the devil to get the Lazy Laundriers out of this place. I got these people here. I could have brought death to my door. But after researching the meaning of the name Zach, I am perplexed to what will really happen to me. According to every site I read, Zach means, “pure and innocent” or it also means, “the lord remembered“. Could this be a good thing? Maybe God intervened and sent this person to protect me from the real evil that lives below me. Is it a coincidence that Carlos lives below me? That this evil spirit is under my feet? Hell is below us. Heaven is above us. I have nothing above me. Has God forgotten about me? Am I to fend for myself against this evil man who lives under my feet? Who in all actuality, lives in hell?

The words in bold are two meanings of Zach’s name. He is my savior. He has cleansed my apartment of the evil that once seeped from the walls. But…and I do mean but. If I did make a pact with the devil, is the peace I am having now the work of him or is it really the work of God? Things can still happen. They haven’t been here very long. Aren’t things always calm before the storm? And is it even more of a coincidence that they moved in during a hellish storm? The storm brought them in, like creatures from the mist. It would be easy for them to sneak in. Roll in with the dark clouds and act as if you’re just a normal couple with a small child. I need to keep my chin up. I need to believe that the worst is over. I will never be bothered again by Claudia or Carlos. There is still another possibility to everything that is going on. The first one is God doing all the work and him bringing in the BP’s to save me. The second possibility is if I was the reason the Lazy Laundriers are gone and the Boston Pop’s are here. My soul is doomed.

Who is the scariest ghoul living in my building?

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I made a deal with the devil to get the Lazy Laundriers out of my apartment complex. It worked. The LL’s were cast out and sent to an unknown location. I basked in the perfect life for a week or two. I made it to the promise land. It was good. Just too good to be true. When the storm ravaged our city, the dark rain clouds brought not only rain and thunder, it brought along a trio of demon spawn. Zach may have a Biblical name but it’s the devil’s game here. He knows me well. He knows I’ll be looking up the name and seeing any connection I can to the Bible. The demon spawn rid me of the LL’s. As for Claudia and Carlos, well they are still here. Carlos offered aid to me so I’d let him in my apartment. Claudia is just staying dormant. They are just waiting for the right moment. Once I let my guard down, I’m going to be attacked from all sides. Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp are gone. They lived next door. Their exit was also planned by the devil. Get them out and bring in someone new. I’ll have no where to run. I will be surrounded by demons no matter which way I turn. It’s all up to when the Zach Attack will happen. Zach sure does promote his love for Boston. What happened in Massachusetts in the late 1600’s? Witches. Evil witches and their dark magic. You’re not fooling me.

But that just a theory. Anything can happen. But I am looking at the glass half full. This period of peace is enjoyable. I just hope that Zach is truly here as my savior and the deal I made with the devil was annulled. As before, I will keep you posted on what terrors await me. I still have to worry about the new people taking residence in Needle Nancy & Tramp Stamp’s old brothel house. I still have to keep an ear to the wall for any clues if the Dead Zombie Wife is still with me. Is the Ghost of Carlos still going to make my musical life hell? Lots of questions still. I thought that I was safe but the idea that Zach may be the devil in sheep’s clothing worries me a lot. Pray for me.

Carlos Visited Me

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I have lived in a few different apartments. I have had my share of misfortunes. I’ve had the crappy neighbors. I’ve had a spider infestations. I’ve been robbed. All that is nothing compared to the hell I am going through now. I live above an asshole of a man named, Carlos. He’s stubborn as a mule. I joked that he was a ghost. I said how the Dead Zombie Wife murdered him one night. I have yet to ever meet this man. I have lived here for 4 months. In these 4 short months, I still haven’t seen him. Not even once. It only leads me to believe that he really is a ghost. I already know Claudia (Dead Zombie Wife) is real. I’ve heard her a few times and even had her visit me once in my dreams.

I have never seen a ghost. I claim I did once twice but thinking about it now, it was probably just my imagination.

It was Halloween night one year. I was young. I’d say 12. I woke up one night. No reason why I woke up. I just did. I slept on a bunk bed. As I was climbing off the bed, I gazed out the window. At that exact moment, I saw something float by the window. It was transparent. My mother told me it was probably neighborhood kids fooling around. But if that were true, how would they have known I was going to wake up at that exact time? Maybe I was not fully awake. Maybe my eyes were still getting adjusted. Whatever it was, I swore I saw a ghost that night. But now, I don’t. It was just my imagination running wild.

The second time isn’t really a ghost story but it still scared the s**t out of me. I left the house one early morning for work. My mother’s car was in the driveway. My car was in the street. I took a look at my moms car. I saw what looked like a black silhouette of a tall lanky man leaning against her car. It was out of the corner of my eye. I focused on my car and thought, “did I just see that?” I glanced back at her car and nothing was there. Just my imagination I bet. Still, who knows. There is plenty of things out there in the world that we cannot and will not ever explain.

I haven’t been visited by Claudia for a while. I still hear her every so often. I don’t know why this woman terrorizes me. I did nothing to her. I just ended up living in the place she once lived. But, now we come to Carlos. He did die (murdered) in my apartment. Maybe his ghost wanders the fourplex. He already haunts the place below me. Is he married? I don’t know. I have yet to ever see a woman nor have I ever heard one. I don’t even hear him. I just hear the children. (Ghost children are the scariest. Let’s just hope they aren’t ghost. I won’t be able to handle that). I feel like he’s now out to get me. Maybe not murder me but he’s out to make my life hell. He wants me out. He must still have a thing for Claudia. These two must believe my apartment is hers. I am sorry, Carlos. But Claudia is dead and gone. She may be a zombie living in my walls. She may be after my brains.

Re Your Brains

But she doesn’t pay rent. She doesn’t clean. She just creeps out of the wall on occasions and does all she can to scare the hell out of me. Are these two damned souls in cahoots? Are they taking turns to scare me away from this place? I am now certain they are. It was a normal afternoon. I was just putting my clothes away. I have a stereo sitting on my dresser. It is always off. I have turned it on maybe 3 times. I am normally listening to music through my headphones. The ghost of Carlos isn’t too fond of my Carlos hates my music. I even played a song I thought he would like but no. He hated that too. I am putting my clothes away. I am jamming away to some music. I got a cold chill. It isn’t unusual for me to get them. I get them quite frequently. The room didn’t get cold. There was no eerie sounds or voices in the room (actually there may have been. I had my headphones on. So maybe there were voices). The current song I was listening to was coming to an end. I was shocked to hear another song playing. I had to stop for a second and look around. “Where the heck is that coming from?” Turns out, the stereo I never use, the stereo that is always off, was playing music (what song started playing?), You may question me about it. You may think I hit to remote by accident. Maybe I hit ‘play’ by mistake. Neither one happened. One, I lost the remote. Secondly, if I did hit a button, I would have had to hit two buttons. One to turn it on and the second to play the CD.

I stopped the CD. And no lie but I called out, “hello!?” No one answered. I checked behind the dresser if maybe the cord was loose and somehow I pushed it back in when I closed a drawer. Maybe the song I was listening to started the CD up. Not the actual song but my phone. Maybe some electric waves went awry and triggered the stereo to boot up. I tried to recreate it. I waved the phone in front of the stereo. Nothing. I walked around my apartment to see maybe there was some sign, something that will give me an answer to what just happened.  My heart was racing. I did feel like there was someone in my apartment with me. But I found nothing. Only logical answer there is,

“Ghost of Carlos” turned it on.

This is becoming an unholy place to live. I can deal with the LL. I have no beef with Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp. They are alive. I have seen and spoken to them both. They are just a nuisance. Could I be wrong about Richard? What if he never did leave? What if Claudia got to him first and he’s somewhere in my apartment. Could it be possible that I may be troubled by not two but three spirits? Was it Richard that turned on the music? Was it ‘The Ghost of Carlos’?  Has Carlos ventured out from his apartment to now haunt mine? Why now? Why not when I first moved in? Why play music? He hates my music. Could he have been trying to get a noise complaint on me? Far fetched but you never know.

Why must I be the victim to these unruly spirits? I can handle DZW. She doesn’t harm me. She bugs the crap out of me but that’s all. I shouldn’t jinx myself. Who knows what these two people are up to. I haven’t heard Carlos today. I haven’t heard Claudia either. I have heard pounding on my walls the last few days. I assume it’s the Lazy Laundriers knocking boots but upon my inspection once, there was no car out front. Leads me to believe it was Claudia or someone in the LL is unfaithful to the other.

I will keep you posted if anymore odd things begin to happen to me. Please if you know someone who can exorcise a demon, ghost, or a zombie, please let me know. I rather not fall victim to these two creatures. Thank you,

Boogedy, Boogedy, Boo!

Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp – Part I

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The following story is true. Even the most talented writers in Hollywood couldn’t make something like this up. True stories are always the best.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I was resting on the couch after a long day of work. My sister sent me a text.

“Can you pick up your sister at 6?”

“Yes.”

I closed my eyes again. I wasn’t feeling that great. I had another episode of my attacks. My heart raced, my breathing was heavy and I was having a tough time focusing. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard  ruckus from outside. I am well adjusted to the noise and chaos that come with living in this peaceful neighborhood. But this time it was different. Could something be afoot? Could there be some real danger that I am not aware of? Has Claudia escaped?

I checked the wall and it was good. She was still inside. Still, the noise outside went on. It grew louder and more foul. I like to be aware of my surroundings. I am not saying I care about my neighbors. Really, I don’t. I mean one neighbor cannot figure out the workings of a washer and dryer and the other is a bi-lingual man who likes to think I am a nuisance to him and his two young hell hounds.

Side story!

Mr. Bi-lingual or as I like to call him, Carlos, was outside one day with his children playing a game. I don’t know what game. It involved counting. So I am guessing hide and seek. Anyways, I hear his children laughing and playing about. He said something in Spanish that I didn’t understand. The only phrase I know in Spanish is, “¿Dónde está el comida?” As I sat at my computer, he started to count backwards from ten,

“diez, nueve, ocho, siete, seis, cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, uno…”

then, he says in English, “ready or not, here I come!”

I guess it was a ‘you had to be there kind of thing” So, where was I? Oh, yeah. The noise. I go outside for a smoke. I can hear two woman cursing about. Obscenities are flying out of their mouth. Andrew Dice Clay had nothing on this ladies. Rub a dub dub, OH!

One lady, spotted me. She was probably early twenties. She looks normal. If normal people has needle marks and a needle sticking out of their arm, then she is as normal as any 12th and prospect lady can be. She starts walking towards me. Her mother or sister, or whatever the other lady is, is away. She is out back looking for someone with a phone. Needle Nancy throws up gang signs and crunks her way towards me. “Yo! (no lie. She really said, yo.) Youz gots a phone I can use?

“All I have is my cell.”

“Youz got a phone?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, Tramp Stamp! The neighbor kid has a phone!”

I was pretty offended when she called me a kid. But whatever, yo. Tramp Stamp comes stampeding from around the bend. She looked pretty upset. I would be too if I was caught in the outfit she had on. She had on these tattered gray shorts, a top that I think was probably bought at baby gap, and one sock. A sock with a hole in it. Her pinky toe was ugly. Pink nail polish. Not hot.

So Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp come to me. Out come the water works. “Oh, my god! Oh, my god! I need to use your phone!”

I hand her my phone. I ask if she was okay. Damn me for being a caring person. “He tried to kill me! He [censored] tried to kill me!”

Whoa. Wow. Are you effin’ serious? Maybe I better not let you use my phone.

She is standing outside door and I am standing in my apartment. “He wanted to have sex and I was all, no. So he shoved me!” She paused.

She makes her way into my apartment. She takes a seat on my couch. Guess I won’t be needing that couch anymore. Way to go, Tramp Stamp.  She is still crying. She is a bit incoherent. I can’t make out much of what she is saying. She dials 9-1-1 and then looks puzzled. “I don’t think I dialed right.”

She hands me the phone and I look at it. The call is connected to 9-1-1. I put it to my ear.

“9-1-1 emergency. please state the nature of this call.”

Hey, Tramp Stamp. It’s the law. It’s for you.

TO BE CONTINUED…