Deal With The Devil: The Fall Of The Lazy Laundriers

You all know the tale of the Lazy Laundriers. These two wretched people were a burden on my existence. A few days ago, I was outside smoking when I noticed the LL’s car door was ajar. (when is a Moving Truckdoor not a door? When it’s ajar). I could have been the kind neighbor and relayed the message to them but I didn’t. Before the angel on my right (or is it left) shoulder could tell me to tell them, the male LL came out of the apartment with a box. First thing I thought of was, “Holy Laundry, Batman! They’re moving!” He packed the box, closed the door, and went back indoors. Moments later, he returned to the car with yet another box. The angels were singing, God was smiling on me that day. A dream I had since the first day these two came a part of my life was finally coming true. I wonder why they moved out? There could be many reasons. Maybe their lease was up. Maybe they were evicted for not paying rent. Or maybe it was something else. And I know why.


I have been frustrated with these two with their laziness on washing and drying their clothes. I understand I could have avoided this situation if I just removed the clothes. But you need to understand that I cannot touch their clothes. Who knows what foul things are growing on them. I don’t believe these two were trash. I just think they were dirty. Very, very dirty. I haven’t been attacked or visited by Claudia for some time. I don’t know why that is. Until now. Once I discovered Claudia’s presence, I was tortured by her. She would come to me in my sleep. Claudia would scratch at the walls. She was in cahoots with the Ghost of Carlos. Claudia is a dead zombie wife. She listened to my conversations. She was aware of everything I did. She knows my deepest secrets. She knows my daily routines. If I did it, Claudia knew. I assume (and this is only an assumption) that she felt the pain I was suffering with the Lazy Laundriers. With all my whining and the days I went to bed, crying myself to sleep, she felt maybe pity on me. I hate to think that I made a deal with the devil but with the event that took place just days ago, I think I may have. Claudia might not be the devil but with her being the undead and her being a ghoulish tormentor, you can bet your sweet ace she has the devil on speed dial.

I fear Claudia. I do not know what this creature is capable of. I do not know what powers she has. I know she’s dead. I know she’s a zombie and I know she’s (was) a wife. But what other powers does she have? With her absence from my abode, did she crawl her way over to the Lazy Laundriers apartment? Could that be the reason why I haven’t seen or heard her for some time? Maybe these two were slacking on the laundry because they were battling her but that doesn’t explain why they slacked before hand. Before she tormented them. Their will was weak. They were not aware of the story about Claudia. Maybe the clawing was too much. Remember how I said I heard knocking on the walls? That wasn’t just a one time thing. I have heard it multiple times. Maybe they were trying to scare her away by knocking on the walls. Silly, rabbit. Knocking is not going to get rid of her. I don’t know how. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you. Did Claudia sneak away from me and go about and make their lives hell?

It’s a lot to take in. If this is true and Claudia did haunt them, I am afraid to admit it was because of me. I am now attached to this apartment. I am now a part of the story, the legend of the Claudia and Richard. If I was to leave, I could turn their undead world upside down. I know far too much. But now, with the power of the internet, the world or just the select few that read this blog now know about it. No Pet They don’t allow pets at my apartment. If I had a dog, I would have known about Claudia from the get go and I wouldn’t be here at this complex, or at least in this apartment.  Then again, there was a time a month or so ago when the police came by with dogs to search all apartments. They said they were looking for drugs. But I know the real reason. They were looking for something not of this world. Oddly enough, they never came by my apartment. Makes me wonder…

Claudia couldn’t have that. She has to keep me here. Why? I am still trying to figure that out. I doubt the landlord would let me leave just because of the laundry issue. I can’t even bring up how there is a zombie living in my walls. For all I know, they could already know about it. Did you know that they don’t allow pets in my complex? Is that a new rule or was it started from the get go? Let’s pretend if was a newly enforced rule. I know children are highly aware of spirits. Even the animal world succumb to the affairs of the spirit world. Maybe the landlord knew about the murder of Claudia. Maybe they knew she haunted my place. They couldn’t have tenants leaving all willy nilly. Put a no pet policy in the clause.

For the few short weeks I was left alone from Claudia, my life was bliss. I shouldn’t really say it was bliss. I was still dealing with the laundry fiasco. Granted, the laundry issue is a far cry from a dead zombie haunting me. I’d rather deal with moldy clothes and lazy people over Claudia any day. She was ruthless to them. She was never that cruel to me. But she dealt everything she had on to the LL’s. Each day I complained. I would announce my hatred for them on @twitter or on facebook. I even blogged before about them and what a-holes they were for not completing a load of laundry in a timely manner. Claudia was fearing that sooner or later I would leave. She couldn’t have that. I even wrote on facebook that I wish I could send Claudia over to their place to run them out. Maybe it was a coincidence, but after that was posted, the Lazy Laundriers were packing up. None of this makes sense. Was that the final straw? Did the finally grow tired of Claudia and pack up? Did Claudia give them a final scare to finally get them out?

I feel like I am not making much sense. I am jumping all over the place. But the fact of the matter is, Claudia is the reason they left. I am the reason she did what she did. Maybe she started small. Maybe she stopped over at their place every so often to terrorize them. Whatever it was, I made a pact with the devil. The Lazy Laundriers are now gone. It now worries me about what is in store for me? Am I going to burn in hell for all eternity for sending Claudia over to them to do a job I was chicken s**t to do? What about the future tenant? Is there a bigger picture I am not aware of? Do Claudia’s powers reach further than just the walls of my apartment? I am a guy who likes to think ahead on many of things. Maybe the laundry issue was just a cover up. Maybe they were slacking on the laundry because she was already tormenting them. This could have been a project in the works for some time. The first time they slacked on washing and drying their clothes was not because they were lazy but because Claudia was already haunting them. They were trying to deal with her and wash clothes. Not to mention, take care of a child. It was too much to handle. They chose taking care of their child and dealing with Claudia than washing/drying their clothes. With them not washing their clothes, Claudia knew it was going to anger me. I already said she listens to me and knows my secrets and my lifestyle. She knows I am a neat freak. With them not washing their clothes, it was going to drive me nuts. But she couldn’t get them out all her own. She needed a person with a soul to get her to.

I could be wrong but maybe this was Claudia’s way of getting out and finding her way to the light. She couldn’t do it without me. Once I wished for her to haunt them, I opened up something that I can not fathom. I gave her the right to finally unleash hell on them. There are two possibilities. One, Claudia is now gone. She found the light and she is free to spend the afterlife in heaven or hell and I am free from her torment. Or, she is still here. She wanted the Lazy Laundriers gone for one reason. To bring in a new tenant. But who is this tenant? What connection do they have with her? Could the devil end up being my new neighbor? If so, I’ll never know. The devil has a pretty face. It’s not socially acceptable to go up to people and ask, “are you the devil?” I already sold my soul to the devil to rid me from the LL’s. Maybe he’s coming to collect. Nowhere in the leasing agreement did I agree to pay rent with my soul. Hell

This is too much to take in. I am happy the Lazy Laundriers are gone but I fear what is to come. I do wish that Claudia is finally gone but I don’t think she is. I have come to play an important part in her life now. She may be aware of everything I do but I am clueless as to what she is up to. Once the new tenant moves in, you can be sure I’ll be watching them like a hawk. Should I try to be friendly with them? Do I ignore them and pretend that they don’t exist? If I welcome them with open arms, I am just letting them into my life and that is what Claudia wants. I just wish I knew what she wants from me. Why am I so important to her? If she was wanting me to stay all along, then why scare me? Was her coming to me in my dreams a warning? So many questions…

Guess I won’t know till the new tenants move in. I promise that once they move in, I will let you know. I am a lost cause. My soul is now property of the devil. I wanted the Lazy Laundriers out. She fulfilled my wish. I am now in debt to her and to the devil. Is there a way to get my soul back? If you know, let me know. I may not be a religious person. I might not believe in heaven or hell but if these places do exist, I rather not spend my life in a room with no air conditioning.

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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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  • Kirk

    But Joe, I fear the new tenant. I don't know what evil Claudia is about to bring upon me. I don't care for the other people in my complex. Only other tenant I know is Carlos and he's a ghost. Please don't let the devil be my neighbor.

  • Joe

    You simply must welcome the new tenants with open arms. For they are your future, as well as the future of the building, Claudia, and everyone that reads these tales of truth.

    You will succumb to the power yielded to you by the gods, by following this simple plan … and by doing so will be fulfilled immensely.

    So sayeth thee!