Renewing My License

My driver’s license was to expire next month. It was time for me to renew it. After getting all the needed ID’s credentials, I made my way to the license bureau. I was told when I went in the entire states license system was down. Not just the office I went to. Every office in the entire state. What the eff happened? I was told the system would be up the next day. I was worried that it was going to take weeks. I mean we already stand in line there for hours, why wouldn’t they take their sweet ace time on fixing this error? I work banker hours (sorta). I am normally at work till 4ish. I would have no time to get the crap I needed done. I would miss my chance and would probably be driving on an expired license. I am cool with breaking the rules of the road.

If the system was up that day and I was able to get it done that day, I wouldn’t be burdened with an embarrassing license photo for the next 6 years. I left the bureau pissed off. I arrived home and took a little nap. I had a long night ahead of me. A long night of drinking and partying. A friend at work celebrated his birthday in style. He rented a party bus! That was my first (and will probably be the last) time on a party bus. The ride was interesting. A stripper pole with no stripper. I was grinded on by a man and a woman. If I only had a few bucks to pay them for their services.  Alcohol makes you do stupid things. Alcohol, more alcohol, and a complete lack of common sense and good morals.

We arrived at our destination. The first thing the guys did was head straight to the restroom. I know. I know. I used it. But I’ll use it if it’s a dire emergency. Tonight was. I was ready to explode. I stood in line. I was greeted by another person on the bus. I am terrible with names. I really am. I remember 4 names from that night. Everyone else, sorry about that. I am not saying you’re unimportant. Your names just go in one ear and out the other. Just cause my ears are larger than life doesn’t make the recollection process any simpler. I gave the guy a fist bump. I already shook someone’s hand that morning. I think I said, “Sorry. I don’t shake hands.” about 20 times that night. I mean these folks stretch out their arms, ready for me to do the same. I fist bump. I don’t shake hands. I don’t high five. I am asked if I have what Howie Mandel has. I don’t. Or at least I don’t think I do. I just think shaking hands is disgusting. Plain and simple. Moving on…

So I am standing in line. I am like a stewardess on an airplane. I am waving folks in. A guy looks at me. I look at him. I wish he would have finished buttoning his shirt before he left his house.

Excuse me, sir. Would you please tuck that rug on your chest back into your shirt? Don’t forget to button up. You don’t what that thing getting out again. Thanks.

The stalls are full. The urinals are come and go. You know those time lapse videos people make? Everything is moving is ultra speed. That’s how it was with these urinals. Piss. Zip. Leave. A few of these barflies did wash their hands. A majority of them didn’t. (now do you understand why I hate shaking hands?)

Guy: Your’re up.

Me: You go. Can’t use urinals.

Another Guy: Why?

Me: I can’t. It’s a phobia.

Another Guy: Like that Deal or no Deal guy?

Thankfully a stall opened up and I dodged the germ question. I couldn’t complete my public restroom routine. The bathroom attendant wouldn’t spare a square. He had no squares to spare.

When I use a public restroom, I follow a strict routine. After I relieve myself, I head to the sinks.

1. I will grab a paper towel to turn the water on.

2. I will then use a paper towel to dispense the soap.

3. I’ll wash my hands (vigorously).

4. I grab another paper towel to turn off the sink.

5. I dispose of that towel.

6. I grab another sheet to dry my hands.

7. Now depending on the type of door, I have two options. I will use another paper towel to open the door and catch the door with my foot to keep it open. Or I will kick the door open if it’s a push door.

But this guy wouldn’t give me any more than one square. It wasn’t at this bar but at another bar I went to later that night, brought horror to my eyes. A toilet seat is a pretty big hole. I am not sure how someone can miss that. How bad is their aim? I will not take the “He’s probably drunk” excuse. I’ve been a drunken fool (click to watch video) and I always make it in the bowl. So while I am letting nature call, the guy in the stall next to me decides it’s best to just piss all over the floor. Honestly. He wasn’t even trying. He basically told the bowl to eff off. Maybe he recently read the same article I did about sitting on a toilet compared to squatting. Or maybe he has uromysitisis. I am standing there watching this stream of urine creep under the stall. It’s getting closer to my feet. Come on, people! I just told you a guy pissed on the floor all willy-nilly like. You have got to see my reasoning to my germ issue. Not to mention, my hatred for public restrooms. As a gentleman I use to work with would always say,

It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Word, Charles. Word. Besides the two pee parties at the bars, it was an enjoyable night. It was getting closer to 2am. That was the time the bus was leaving. I wasn’t aware of the time. I was too busy having fun and drinking it up. We arrived at a bar that has a mechanical bull patrons can ride. Captain Planet and I decided we were going to be men and tackle the metal beast with brute force. You have to sign a waiver. I guess people get hurt on it. I was cocky. I wasn’t going to fall off. I straddled the beast. I was ready to ride! It started to move. This was my first time on one of these things. It started out slow. Okay, this is easy. I can do this all night. How on earth do people fall off this?

Not shortly after that thought crossed my mind, it sped up. Faster, faster, faster…

I lose my grip and tumble off. I put my hand to my head. Oh, it feels wet. I look at my hand. Oh, look. Blood. I touch my head again. More blood. Crap. I’m bleeding. I am the reason they have people sign waivers. Captain Planet and I head to the dude running the bull. I ask for a rag. The dude looks at me with a confused look on his face. He tosses his hands in the air like he didn’t know what to do. Just give me a damn rag so I can clean myself up. I went in the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I applied a band-aid and was good as new. It’s not a bad cut. I don’t need stitches. I’ll keep the band-aid just to cover up the open wound. I work with food. Can’t have open wounds around food I cook for people.

The bus ride back seem much quicker than the ride there. We got back to the apartment and everyone crashed. A very exciting night. Hanging with friends, drinking, and just acting stupid. Haven’t done that in a while. I woke up the next morning and headed back home. It was just after 9am so I still had some time to make it to the license bureau to get my license renewed. I take the eye test. I guess my right eye is bad. The man said I couldn’t make out anything and I was just making up stuff. Upsets me. Everyone in my family has or had glasses/contacts at one point in their life. Some still wear them. I lucked out being the only one with not wearing them. I guess 30 years without any issues is good enough for me. I’ll try to make an appointment to see an eye doctor to see if I need *gulp* glasses. And, yes. I’ll get glasses. Contacts look like a lot of work to put in and take out.

I paid the 20 dollar fee and Mr. DeMille was ready to take my close up. I asked if I should remove the band-aid from my brow. He told me no. That it wouldn’t be a problem. So the picture was taken. There I am. A stern look on my face and a band-aid over my left eye. That’s a effin’ classic picture. Really. I mean if I get pulled over by the police wouldn’t my picture need to match me? I know people dye their hair or maybe get glasses but I have a band-aid over my eye. 

So for the next 6 years, I will have a photo to always remind me of the night at the club. I’ll be reminded that I can not ride a bull. I am going to have to explain to people why I had the bandage above my eye. I could lie and make up a story.* This was an awful long explanation of me getting my license renewed. If only the states system wasn’t down on Friday, I wouldn’t be stuck with a photo like this.


*If you would like to give me some ideas for a good battle scar story, drop a comment below. I’ll use them all.


How I Spent My Vacation: Part Too

Continuing from my last post, here is the rest of how I spent my vacation.


I woke up early again today. I am still undecided on the issue of waking up early or sleeping in. It is nice to sleep in. But if you get up early, you have a full day ahead of yourself. I brewed myself a cup of coffee and brushed my teeth. I poured me a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. By far, one of my favorite cereals. I sat down and turned on the television. Oh, look. “Dutch” is on. I haven’t seen this is ages. I can’t say it’s a movie I love watching but since it was on and was something I haven’t seen in years, I watched it. I was surprised to see ‘Christopher McDonald‘ in it. He played the evil father. This guy seems to always be typecast in every role he plays (or at least to me he does). He’s the a-hole in an Adam Sandler movie. An a-hole in this movie. And an a-hole in Dirty Work. Look him up. Eff it. Here’s a picture of him. He looked the same back than then he does now. The movie ended and I went into the computer room to read some emails and look on yahoo. The TV was still on and it said the movie, “The Invention of Lying” was on next. Oh, I haven’t see that. I’ll watch it. I enjoyed it. Not a big Jennifer Garner fan but I liked her in this. Not to mention, it had some pretty big names attached to it. Some were just bit parts but I always enjoy a movie when you see cameos like that. Lastly, it had Edward Norton playing a cop with a cocaine habit. One of my favorite actors. The movie ended. I jumped on my PC…again. I was planning on moving the desk around, you know, do a little rearranging. I ended up listening to music. After a bit, I decided to take a nice nap. Not sure how long of nap it was but it was nice. I had a dream. I cannot recall much but what I do remember was I was in Ireland. I assume it was there cause the people talked like they were Irish. I complained to the guy working there about the cold I just got. Was mad because I am never sick. I blamed the cold on me getting out of my house and being around people.

I woke up and checked my email. Another work email. I gave my opinion and hung up the phone. I made lunch and enjoyed a refreshing soda. It started to rain. (thanks, Ollie!). I finally got the energy to move my furniture around. I brewed a cup of coffee. I got it set up, turned it on, and my heart sank. But it was gone! Gone! All gone! No turkey!

No turkey sandwiches… Gone! All Gone! Whatever happened, all my files were missing. Okay. Not really missing. I had to explore around the PC and found it all. I transferred the files to my external drive. What made me even angrier was the fact that Outlook was back to nothingness. All my notes, all my food logging was gone. I was pissed. 8 months into this and all of it for nothing. After the files were moved, I rebooted and the angels sang. My files were back. I don’t know what happened. Whatever it was, it’s fine now. Another trip out of my apartment for a beer run. More drinking. I finished number 5 and headed off to bed for a good night sleep.


I awoke on Friday a little before 7am. Again, I made myself a cup of coffee. I enjoyed a blueberry yogurt and watched some TV. I caught the last few minutes of Casper. My channel has been set to HBO and all the other 20 channels they offer. I did some channel surfing and found Joe Vs. The Volcano. I opted on watching that. After the movie, I left the house (again) to pay a bill and take care of an urgent errand. I came back home, effed around on the PC a bit till I found myself back at the TV. Look. ‘The Mask‘ is on. Not the movie with Cher or the 80’s cartoon. I’m talking about the one with Jim Carrey. I am not a huge Cameron Diaz fan but it’s been ages since I’ve seen the movie. I stopped midway through (which I set up the DVR to record the rest) and left the house to see a movie. I have been wanting to see, “Inception” since it came out. I just never got around to it. My store director hated it. Another person said it was amazing. I figured I would take my chances. I splurged and got myself hot tamales and a thing of nachos. It was a one time thing. I don’t think I’ll ever get nachos again. Movie was good amazing! Ending is something that leaves you thinking. It’s diffidently one of those ‘you have to see again’ movies to catch what you overlooked. I arrived home. Paid the remaining two bills and finished watching The Mask. Parenthood was on. I watched a bit. Another good movie. I don’t think I have watched this much TV since I moved in here. The rest of my day consisted of eating, another cup of coffee and switching up the music on my iPhone. I debated on if I should go out tonight. Which is looking like something I’ll do. Better shave.  I went to the bar expecting to meet up with a group a people. I don’t know if they were there or not. I never looked. To my surprise, a group of other people I know were. I sat and drank with them. I controlled myself and didn’t drink excessively. I arrived home to see a strange car parked in my normal spot. Could be anyone. But don’t like when people take my parking spot. I know it’s not really “my spot”. But it’s where I always park. So in way, it is my spot.


I woke up off and on during the night. I had a dream. All I can recall was getting stabbed. I didn’t feel it in my dream though. Wish I could recall the rest. My mind is trying to recollect the memories of the dream but sadly, nothing is coming to mind. I made myself a bowl of cereal and enjoyed a cup of coffee. Watched yet another movie. This was a British film titled, “Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel.” Surprisingly, it was good. Anna Faris from the “Scary Movie” series starred in it. If I were a Brit (<-funny video), I probably would have known all the other people in it. It’s okay. I liked it no matter. I spent the majority of my afternoon and early evening working on my blogs. I ate and poured another cup of coffee. While I blogged, I finished laundry and dishes. After completing two blogs, I watched a little TV. Caught the tail end of “Monsters vs. Aliens.” Meh. Didn’t see why it was such a great movie. Back to my PC to blog a little more. I chatted up with an old online buddy. Drank some beer. I know I swore to not have people over but I did invite a friend over. After 20 minutes of waiting for him to reply if he’s coming or not, I asked. Guess not. I guess that was a good thing. I don’t want to break a third rule. Tonight isn’t a good night. So as of now, I am brewing a pot of coffee. I figured I would watch some TV and fall asleep to it. After tonight, comes Sunday. That means it’s the end.


The final day of my vacation before I had back to work. Am I excited? Yes and no. I woke up about 7. Maybe a little before. I made more coffee and ate some yogurt. I purchased, “Date Movie“. It was funny. Better than I expected. I do like both Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. I finished the movie and grabbed a lass of orange juice. I sat at my computer and tinkered with a few blogs before heading off to grab some lunch. I was planning on having a nice turkey and ham sandwich but I am out of cheese and miracle whip. I was sure I had them in the fridge. I was mistaken. Since I had the bread already out, I made a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. After eating, I finished up another blog and set it up to post early tomorrow morning. It was my way of still blogging (no. I didn’t break the twitter, facebook, blog rule). I have a few blogs ready to post throughout the day of Monday. Sadly, I will have to break the rule tonight before bed. So I guess what I am saying is, I will have broken 3 of the 4 rules. I almost broke all but since my friend didn’t come over, that rule stuck. Kudos to me for keeping at least of the rules intact. I decided to make some delicious Peanut Butter and Jam Bars. I had to run to my mother’s house to grab some butter. I could have gone to the store but I don’t need that much butter. Once I pulled up to my apartment, a friend called. He wanted to meet me at The 54 for a few drinks. I went and shared a few drinks and some stories. Coming back at home, I finally get around to finishing the bars. They turned out nice. I brewed a cup of coffee to get rid of the alcohol taste. Besides all the blogging, I ended my day with “True Blood”. Off to bed. A good end to a decent vacation.


It was a good vacation. I enjoyed my time away. I didn’t blog as much as I wanted. I drank more than what I expected. I watched a lot of TV. I even got myself to bed early every night except last night. I was up till about 2am. But I was a little tipsy. I needed to sober up before bed. The coffee helped. Sometimes going to bed tipsy is a pain. It’s better to pass out than try and sleep after a night of heavy drinking. I am still holding on to another full week of vacation and two more personal days. If I do get forced to take the last week, I’ll probably be a little more active than I was this time around. Being the recluse I was, well… Wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. It was nice. It was nice to just be alone and think. Not that I thought much. Just nice. Going out Friday night was so-so. I had fun. Being around people was weird. I still managed. I hope when you have a vacation, I hope it is as exciting and lazy as mine was.