I had to think Long and Hard about this post, but due to the extreme comedy of it, I had to share it.

If you don;t know me for I was an Operations Manager for a world retailing giant, and recently quit and come back home to the UK for family reasons.  One thing I had to do was find a job.

The UK job market is slim pickings right now, so I pulled no strings, and out of desperation, applied for McDonald’s.  Well, I should easily be able to handle a job with McD’s right?

Wrong…

Dear J,

Thank you for applying for the position of Crew Member.

We’ve got a really rigorous selection process at McDonald’s and a large number of people apply to work with us each day.   After careful consideration, we’re sorry to inform you that we won’t be inviting you to attend the next stage of our recruitment process.

With such a high number of applications received, unfortunately we’re unable to provide you with specific feedback on your application.  Thanks for your interest in McDonald’s and we appreciate the time you have taken with your application, we’d like to wish you every success in the future.

If jobs in hospitality are of particular interest to you we would recommend visiting, www.uksp.co.uk,  the sector skills council website for jobs in hospitality, leisure, travel and tourism.  UKSP will provide you with the latest information on careers and training within the sector and allows you to search for vacancies, learn about The Good Employer Guide
and get a feel for the types of jobs most suited to you.

Alternatively, another great place to visit is the volunteering website, www.vinspired.com.  With thousands of volunteering opportunities to choose from, for which you can be officially recognised for the hours you put in, it’s a ideal way of pursuing an interest or passion with like-minded people.  Experiences like these are something which employers find extremely valuable and it’s a great way to improve your skills and your CV .

Good luck and kind regards,

McDonald’s Central Recruitment Team

McDonald’s Restaurants Limited registered in England no.1002769.  Registered office:  11 – 59 High Road, East Finchley, London N2 8AW. Tel: 0870 241 3300. This e-mail is confidential and may be read only by the intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient, please do not forward, copy or take any action based on it and, in addition, please delete this e-mail and inform the sender. We cannot be sure that this e-mail or its attachments are free from viruses. In keeping with good computing practice, please ensure that you take adequate steps to check for any viruses. Before replying or sending any e-mail to us, please consider that the Internet is inherently insecure and is an inappropriate medium for certain kinds of information. We reserve the right to access and read all e-mails and attachments entering or leaving our systems. Any opinions, conclusions and other information in this e-mail that does not relate to the official business of McDonald’s Restaurants Limited is neither given nor endorsed by us.

Good day to you all and welcome back to Food Eat You.  Normally Food Eat you is designed to compare English and American cuisine, though quite frankly today I am not feeling too judgmental, so I am writing a special blog describing some of the food you wouldn’t see in the US or UK without visiting a special store.

Crumpets

Seen in: England (Also sold commonly in Canada)

Meal Used in: Breakfast mainly, although enjoyed anytime with tea (yes, the saying Tea ‘n crumpets is quite real)

Crumpets are very simple things, they are made with English style pancake batter, and yeast, then pan fried to form, and then toasted.  It is important to mention that English Pancake batter is vastly different to American also.  American pancakes are fluffier and sweeter and more cake like than their English counterparts, which are basically just milk, water and flour with a pinch of salt, which make a more flat and shiny pancake (often rolled with fillings/toppings, like crepes, instead of stacked and drowned) Once the crumpet is made, it is a very soft creation with lots of holes, which soak up your butter when hot.  The sponge of the pastry world.

English Muffins

Seen in: America

Meal Used in:  Breakfast mainly

I have no Idea why these little dough Frisbees are called English muffins, as the face of the matter is, you seldom see them in England, and many untraveled English people will not have a clue what you mean when you refer to the English muffin.  English muffins are used very commonly in McBreakfast items, so you English folk out there, if you get curious, check out McEvil to see an English muffin.  Fact of the matter is, if you say What is a Muffin to most English people, they will tell you it’s an oversized cupcake (as is the muffin in the USA) only difference is, we don’t put butter on the “American” Muffins.

Mountain Dew (Pepsi Co.)

Seen In: America

Meal Used in: Beverage

Mtn Dew is a Green Soda Pop that has more sugar in it than water; so it seems; or as I like to call It, Holy Elixir.  It is sweet, has a tang to it, and looks like piss.  Yet Mtn Dew is special… it’s like a legal drug which is hard to give up, once you’re hooked.  Mtn Dew does exist as a Brand in the UK, but they lend their brand name to a line of energy drinks.  Also, Mtn Dew was marketed years ago in the UK, but the use of Sugar instead of Corn Syrup and various other minor differences left it being pulled from the shelves and discontinued, although most English friends I know often offer me their right arm if I can get them some dew.

Lucozade

Seen in: England

Meal Used in: Beverage

Long before the Energy Drink fad that gripped the world, certain drinks existed on the market that provided energy and replenishment; the USA has had Gatorade, and the UK Has Lucozade.  Two entirely different types of drink however.  Lucozade is a carbonated drink, rich orange color, and a very sharp and hard to describe taste.  The key ingredient of Lucozade, which you smart Americans may have guessed, is Glucose.  Glucose being a sugar that the body consumes and distributes very quickly.  Lucozade is often the choice of people who are Ill or sick as the nature of the drink can perk you up considerably.  Lucozade also make a Sport Drink line, which is more fruity in taste and non- carbonated.

Müller Corner Yogurt

Seen in: England

Meal Used in: Breakfast, Desert, Snack

Corner yogurts are my favorite yogurt, bar none.  They allow you to take plain yogurt and fold the corner over, where in a separate compartment lies an enhancer.  The 2 main lines are Fruit Corner and Crunch Corner, fruit corners contain a compartment of fruit sauce, like strawberry and cherry where as crunch corners have white and milk chocolate balls, chocolate covered cornflakes and chocolate covered cheerio style cereal.  I like this as they retain their crunchiness.

Nestle YOcrunch yogurt.

Seen in: America

Meal Used in: Breakfast, Desert, Snack

Almost the same as above; but with only crunchies.  The line includes more candy bar based items, such as Reece’s pieces and crunch bar, also uses granola, but the yogurt itself is not quite as nice as the above.

Lemon Curd

Seen in: England

Meals Used In: Bread Spread, Pies and Deserts

Lemon Curd is an item I am amazed has not become a staple in the USA. It is a spreadable Lemon style jelly, but it’s not translucent, it’s creamier as opposed to jellified.  It is a very zingy sweet item, also excellent used in lemon meringue pies.

Grape Jelly

Seen in: America

Meals Used in: Bread Spread, Sauces (as a preserver)

Grape Jelly, or Jam is simple yet huge business in the United States.  The popular choice for many which beats out the likes of the UK’s favorite; Strawberry.  You can find it in the UK, but it’s very discrete in its shelf presence.

Salad Cream

Seen in: England

Meals used in: Salads, Anything where a condiment is used.

Salad Cream is a very sweet mayonnaise style sauce.   Americans might be thinking Miracle Whip, but it is not.  Salad Crème’s main ingredients are Egg Yolk (Dried) and Mustard.  It is tart and sweet, vanilla yellow in appearance and smooth like ketchup.

Okie dokie folks, that’s your lot for now; more to come in the future, If you travel or visit any specialist English Food Stores in the USA (the do exist!) or American Food Stores in the UK, look out for some of these items.

Going out on the piss, or getting wasted are pass times which the UK and USA hold very dear to their hearts; and toilet bowls depending on the success. England and America are very different in their sloshed up choices of cuisine following a sophisticated night of grog swilling and shot tipping.

The USA has many options for late night dining; however, the most popular choices I’ve shared in my 8 years of Americana life is the late night taco stand. In the UK our choice seems to be the beloved Turkish kebab. How do they compare?

Appearance:

Team USA:

USA and the UK both have adopted other country’s to provide their post binge meal. The Late Night Taco stand does deliver! The Taco with deep fried tortilla, filled with lettuce, cheese, seasoned ground beef and tomatoes looks like (gutter minds!) a folded personal pizza. Perfect hand held cuisine without the need for potentially dangerous plastic utensils.

4 Jaeger bombs out of 5

Team England:

The Donner Kebab is very similar to a taco. The key differences are the meat is in strips, there are often not any tomatoes, but it is usually swimming in Chili and/or garlic sauce. All of this is stuffed deep inside warm toasty pita bread.

3 Bitter shandies out of 5

Taste:

Team USA:

Tacos are the perfect food for bachelors and piss heads alike. Has a bit of cheese, sour cream, spice, meat and veg, and all of the components are small ;which becomes a major plus later on.

5 Amaretto Sours out of 5

Team England:

In no uncertain terms, I personally find Doner kebabs f***ing disgusting when sober… but when drunk… oooh, very nice. A typical Doner contains Lamb meat, oily, greasy, strips of lamb meat. I can’t begin to describe the lamb meat’s taste, you either know it, or don’t. I have a very biased hate of lamb; though when drunk, I am idiotic enough to use way too much garlic and chili sauce to obliterate any of its flavor. You can alternatively choose a chicken kebab, but fried chicken is another extreme hate of mine. The taste of the salad, and pita and sauce is decent however, and the meat does work when the taste buds are skewed with cigarette smoke and alcohol.

3 Irish car bombs out of 5

Texture:

Team USA:

Tacos are crunchy, with a warm oily and meaty softness within. The cool cheese and sour cream really makes the taco a plethora of textures.

5 Sombreros out of 5

Team England:

Kebabs are similar to the above, except the pita bread is softer and doughier than the taco shell.

4 Pints of foaming nut brown ale out of 5

Practicality:

Team USA:

When we are drunk, we are not the best at coordination. Tacos are hand held food, but with open ends, one mistimed bite can shoot out meat and fillings causing potential drunken brawls.

2 Fuzzy Navels out of 5

Team England:
The kebab fairs slightly better, as the filling is contained by pita at the sides, however, when drunk one tends to get way too much sauce and can risk shirt fouls. However, most kebab to shirt related injuries are caused to the eater, so the risk of drunken brawl is much less.

3 Blue Aftershocks out of 5

Aftermath:

Team USA:

The Ingredients of a taco are much smaller and particle than that of a kebab. If you are a competent chewer and not a gulper, thus breaking down the tack shell, the post piss up puke fest is much less stressful with a taco. Beware the tomatoes however, these can get stuck up your nose.

3 I’m Never Drinking Again Confessions out of 5

Team England:

As previously mentioned, the meat in strips is a potential disaster when needing to puke. The grease ratio of the meat also guarantees a puke after much alcohol, yet add better throat lubrication. All the ingredients are soft in Kebabs, but the amount a subject chews their food leaves much greater potential for painful nasal passage breeches as well as the possibility of lamb meat half out of your mouth and stuck in your throat.

2 Why does someone always sing Robbie William’s Angles drunk at the Karaoke nights out of 5

The Final Result:

Team USA: 16/25

Team England: 13/25

So it’s official! The Tex Mex late night pain train of pissed up pecking is packing a greater punch than the greasy grizzled up grass munching lamb monster of great proportions, the Doner. If your English folks visit the USA and go out partying; make sure you visit the “Mom and Pop” taco stand or restaurant, except taco bell. Taco Bell is as appealing as a rusty knife when drunk and will give you more than puke to worry about.

MMM... Lamb... >.<

Blogging has allowed me to come up with the most amazingly poor puns imaginable.  Today I got chance to join the tech revolution as I sat in an English Pub (public house) and use the Internet on WiFi.  My dear friends, over the course of about 2 and a half hours, I finished my Food Eat Me? Blog, Drank 3 Pints of Stella Artios and had what is called a Desperate Dan Steak Pie dinner; all purely in the interest of research.

Hopefully Kirk will let me include all of the above in expenses :D

So; Is WiFi in a bar a good thing?

I guess it depends really.  I should imagine the later it gets in the night, the more chance having a lap top would put you in a liability bracket.  Now, I am a pretty honest person, and really always have been, though once when plastered at the Cricketers Pub in Ipswich, I did end up with a cellphone in my pocket, that wasn’t mine.  Granted it was the same phone as mine.  The astounding thing is 8 years ago cell/mobile phones were much bigger then and how I got 2 of them in my pocket is beyond me.

Needless to say, I think this sparks a potentially interesting argument about our technological dependency especially with the adage of the 2011 Solar Storm cycle, and it’s potential effect on our satalite equipment.

I suppose town pubs having Wifi would make some sense owing to the fact all the business folks could go in and have something decent to eat, while still glued to their laptops, the sports fan could whip up a whole world of stats to seem like they know what they are drunkardly rambling on about, and people like me, that could google their way through the pub quiz; all seem a bit opportunistic however.

For the New Inn on the A5 just outside of Long Buckby, I did find the use quite practical.  I live on a long boat, so Electricity and Internet is dependent on running the engines and having the credit on the dongle (USB Internet Antenna)  So, having this amenity was handy, although costly- 3 Pints, and a Meal about 15 quid (about $24)

However, also the great thing about the pub is it had a toilet; I made sure to get my money’s worth out of the establishment; as I am sure you can imagine Electric and Internet aren’t the only basics that are difficult to obtain living on a boat.  However… I wish AOL didn’t loudly inform me that I had Mail for the whole of the bathroom/restroom to hear whilst sitting there :/

You’ve got Mail LOL!

We’re going to take a look at the place where it all starts today, Breakfast!  This is quite possibly my most revered meal of the day, yet also my most ignored one.  This is largely owing to the fact that I appreciate sleep more than eating, but that is a very slight preference I admit.

I wont waste anyone’s time blathering on about Cereal, let’s face it, Only Kids eat cereal at breakfast any more it seems, us adults have generally opted to treat it as supper, that 8pm-11pm meal we worked in before that glorious past time called sleep.

In my lead in to this blog I linked pictures of an “American Slam” and a “Full English” both would be universally described as a Fry Up.  And I am going to focus on those two today.

In the Red, White and Blue corner of America, we have Denny’s Grand Slam!

For this breakfast you can choose

any FOUR items and make it your own.

Bacon Strips (Two), Buttermilk Biscuit, Chicken Sausage Patty (One), Egg Whites (Two), Eggs (Two), English Muffin, Grits, Hash Browns, Hearty Wheat Pancakes (Two), Oatmeal, Pancakes (Two), Sausage Links (Two), Slices of Toast (Two)

Team USA: Denny's Grand Slam

For the sake of argument, and because I am generally predictable, I will follow the picture and choose, 2 eggs, Pancakes, Sausage and Bacon for my slam; with a side of Hash Browns.

In the Britannia Corner with have Little Chef’s Olympic Breakfast

OLYMPIC BREAKFAST

Little Chef’s claim to fame is for breakfast and here’s why (so THEY state). Two crispy back bacon rashers, a pork sausage, two free range griddled eggs, mushroom, sauté potatoes,

Team GB: Little Chef's Olympic Breakfast

fresh tomato and Heinz baked beans. Served with toast or fried bread.

The Presentation:

One thing we can universally agree on, is the picture of the food we eat, very rarely is a picture of the food we eat, more like the brain child of what the corporate think tank WANTS us to imagine we are eating.  However, Hands down to Denny’s on this one, as their photo’s usually are a pretty accurate representation of the food they serve.  2 Pancakes, Sausage Links, Strips of Bacon, Eggs and a pile of pure evil (aka Hash Browns) is hard to mess up, and Denny’s Delivers.   For Little Chef, appeasing the British breakfast taste buds  is all about beans.  Beans is a difficult item to present well on a plate, and usually overpowers the dish.  This is certainly true with the Olympic Breakfast from Little Chef.  Beans Beans Beans! As far as the eye can see!  Rich tomato bean juice up on the eggs, infiltrating the sauté potatoes its a pink fever sweeping the plate!  Too bad little Chef, you started this war on the wrong foot!

Team USA: 4 Kittens out of 5

Team GB: 3 Penguins out of 5

The Texture:

This may be a personal opinion, but I think what makes a breakfast truly appealing is the soft fluffiness of it all.  I mean, we just woke up, who can be bothered with extensive tasks like chewing? ewww.  Denny’s does the fluff factor brilliantly, the pancakes are soft, the links are smooth, the bacon… is well.. bacon, and eggs pretty much have one consistency, and hard isn’t (or shouldn’t ever be) that.  Then we get to the hash browns.  Well Done American Cooked Breakfast, you just screwed it all up, and not just Denny’s.  Hash Browns are a liability to Breakfast, and the Potato culture.  I have had plenty of hash browns and it is usually 1 of 2 scenarios.  A. You are consuming a fist full of potato needles, that tear away your throat as you swallow. B. You have an orgy of uncooked/undercooked potato sheds with crunchy edges which is horrible too.  Now I LOVE hash brown cakes and tater tots; who ever made hash browns must have been trying to make one of these and just couldn’t be bothered to finish them properly (although typing this, I know full well Cakes/Tater tots came second)

Now to team GB!  Well this is a weird one.  English/Danish bacon generally kicks the ass out of American bacon (i will go into detail in a later post) The full meaty cut of bacon is like a food instead of the baron crunchy streak of pork fat, that America favors. Sauté Potato, Wins over Hash browns.  A nice fried disc of potato with a buttery crunch.  I way prefer English Sausages, The thick skins break with a light crack revealing the seared pork juiciness; where as I find the texture of American sausages are mealy, gritty and dry, owing to the fact the skin isn’t there.  Team GB seem to have this one 5/5 until… The Tomato… and Mushroom.  Both have that fluffy soft to bite factor I mentioned was a good thing earlier, however, they have a slimy texture to them as well; again this may be personal preference, or it may be that Little Chef just isn’t that good, and trust me, it’s not; but this element do ruin a clean sweep for texture that Little Chef would otherwise have won.

Team USA: 3 90’s boy bands out of 5

Team GB: 4 Bad 80’s Hair dos out of 5

The Service:

Denny’s in West Wichita, KS, USA; and the Little Chef on the 12 nr. Ipswich, England.  A small snippet of two large national franchises, though I think most franchises have a similar streak running through it.  Denny’s seems to have the

The Denny's Cashier... Manic; Depressive

service down pat.  At-least with the wait staff,  the wait staff are often prompt, with a good eye for refills and give you the customary courtesy check after your food is set (We will talk about Courtesy Checks after a while)  All is well except for if you listen acutely and understand Spanish, the chefs are often not conversing very cordially, and it makes me wonder… if the cook staff are THAT pissed off, what will they do to take it out on my slam!  Maybe that is why it’s Called the slam, Denny’s kitchen staff are beating their meat! (I know I know, I impress myself)  Well, you then go and pay, and well… Denny’s has hired a manic depressant at the register; you know the sort “F*ck you very much, have a nice day”  A bad testament to their exceptional wait staff; What an Amazing difference Tipping makes.

Little Chef service is… well I am not even going to waste a paragraph on it, Any European who reads this can leave a comment; To save it from 1/5 I will say… At least it beats Happy Eater and Wimpy.

Team USA: 3 buckets of pine-sol out of 5

Team GB: 2 bottles of domestos out of 5

Taste:

I hate to say this, but most American fast food restaurants all offer highly processed food, as does the UK, however, due to laws about Genetically Modified foods, the UK generally edges out with more genuine food.  Cheese is Cheese; not “Cheese-food product”  One thing that Little Chef does offer is Free Ranged eggs, and you can taste this, and appreciate it; and the eggs should always be the headline of the breakfast in my opinion.  That and the beans, what lost Team GB marks for presentation, makes up for in taste.  The rich sweet tomato sauce with the beans just always more sense to me than the beans with brown sugar and ham.  The sauce that soaks into the potato is delicious, as well as taking the edge off the sausage fat.  Denny’s grand slam generally tastes good, but there is a lack of the missing link, the moisture element.  Maybe it is my upbringing but I generally sound American breakfasts dry, although flavorful.  I would often get a side of gravy and plenty of Ketchup with my meal to counteract this, however, I would have chosen beans if I had that choice.

Team USA: 2 Mexican families out of 5

Team GB: 4 Polish families out of 5

Value for money:

Denny’s by far is the cheapest choice, offering their grand slam for about $6.  (w/o the cost of the added hash browns) And generally the meal would have about a 1.5-2 hour longevity before the tummy was thinking food again. The Olympic Breakfast from Little Chef is 7 pound 95pence (about $13) but I found the free range eggs (dairy) and the spread of veg, pulse, meat and sugar; was way more balanced of a meal, and kept me hunger free for about 3.5 hours.

Team USA: 3 French fries out of 5

Team GB: 3 bags of chips out of 5

Overall:

Team USA: 15 out of 25

Team GB: 16 out of 25

Little Chef and Denny’s are maybe not the 1st choice in Cuisine, as both seem to be roadside eateries for those of us on the run, however they seem the most comparable in terms of establishment.  However, this review is more of American Breakfast vs English; and the score is a good representation of this.  I believe the Full English is a sure winner, much more balanced on the food pyramid and a vast array of tastes and textures; plus; It doesn’t come with hash brown needles of death.

As a footnote:

Nutritionally, if you have either one of these, plan for a snack free day and a light lunch, and an action packed afternoon. Both Grand Slam and Olympic Breakfast clock in close to 1000 calories with little under 100% recommended daily allowance of Sodium and Fat