The Dead Zombie Wife story has been going on for at least a year now. It is a made up story. I like to call the legend, factual fiction. I am going to answer some questions I’ve been asked and some questions I am going to pretend I was asked. The part of this post is to shed some light on the story and why I write what I write. Enjoy.

Question 1: Who is the Dead Zombie Wife? Was she real?

The Dead Zombie Wife (DZW) is not real. There, I admit. The whole story is a lie. But to make sense of who she is, let me explain. I will link you to different posts about the subject. The Dead Zombie Wife lives in my walls. She wasn’t always a zombie, She was human but was murdered by her husband, Robert. If I call him Richard, I am sorry. I always tend to forget his name. Read the first entry and the first of how this whole legend began.

Question 2: He murdered his wife!? You’re making that up.

Yes, I am making it up. Just listen. It’s a story and all good stories need a good back story. The whole idea of the Dead Zombie Wife started when I heard a noise coming from inside the wall. This is the wall she ‘lives’ in. The noise was probably made by the couch rubbing against the wall or just the house settling. Whatever made the noise doesn’t matter. I claimed the noise was made by a zombie living in the wall. I dubbed the noise maker, Claudia. She became a zombie.

Let me get to the question and explain the back story of who she is. Robert, her  husband, worked a lot. He was away for weeks. This made Claudia lonely. She needed someone to love her and someone to talk to. She turned to the man living below her. The two started seeing each other. Eventually, the friendship became a love affair. Robert cannot know. But he found out. He was pissed! One afternoon, Robert drugged his wife. It was time to dispose of his wife. He cut a hole in the wall and stuffed Claudia inside to die. He patched up the hole and left the apartment. He left all his belongings and was never heard from again. To this day, I still receive his mail.

Question 3: Who was the guy she was sleeping with? What’s his story?

That’s Carlos. He is a ghost.

Question 4: A ghost? Elvis never did no drugs!

For the love of God! This isn’t real. This is factual fiction. A made up story with a sprinkle of fact. He is a ghost because Claudia killed him. Carlos hadn’t heard from Claudia in a while. He wondered if she was okay. One night he heard noises coming from her apartment. He went ton investigate. It was dark inside. All the furniture is inside. He knows that they didn’t split town. Then, clawing her way out of the wall, was Claudia. She attacked Carlos. She feasted on him and went back inside the wall to live and wait for another victim.

Carlos died. He didn’t become a zombie. Must people would assume he would since he was attacked by one but in this story, he didn’t. He’s a ghost. He has visited me before. I am sure he’s not visiting me but visiting Claudia. Carlos aka, The Ghost of Carlos haunts the apartment below me. He has a ghost wife and two spooky ghost children. He’s bi-lingual. He’s a bi-lingual ghost.

Question 5: People who are killed by zombies become zombies. They don’t become ghosts.

He is a ghost because I have yet to ever see him. I am not lying. I have lived in this apartment for 2 years and not once have I ever seen him. I’ve heard him. I’ve heard his spooky, ghost children. I always assumed his wife was a ghost too but I’ve seen her. She is the only alive one…erm.. living below me. That is why he’s a ghost and not a zombie. Plus, too many zombies and the story becomes unbelievable.

I am haunted by The Ghost of Carlos and still go harassed by the Dead Zombie Wife. You can read about some pretty spooky hauntings, here and here. I have put a lot of work into this legend and it’s hard to keep track of everything that goes on. I will say today has inspired me a new addition to the legend. I’ll get to that sooner or later. It needs some work and needs a little more stability before I take it any further. Aside from that, that was the back story. We all need a good story and that is mine. That is the legend of the Dead Zombie Wife. Now you know who she is and how she got there. I will move on to the second half of this story. The other half revolves around the Lazy Laundriers. They are part of the legend but this legend, is now entangling me. The Lazy Laundriers are what started the second half of the legend. They helped create the stories I will share next. They helped make all of this possible.

Question 6: Okay, enlighten me. Who are the Lazy Laundriers?

They were my first neighbors. They lived here before the Boston Pops. I was not a big fan of the Lazy Laundriers. I call them that because they were very lazy with their laundry. For days, the clothes would sit in the washer and dryer. They wouldn’t ever remove them. I had to finally ask them to take the clothes out. I never liked them and their laziness didn’t help.

Question 7: What happen to these Lazy Laundriers? Did a zombie eat them?

That’s silly. That didn’t happen. The Dead Zombie Wife did run them off. She saved me. She must have heard my pleas. I was trying to do laundry one day and they had the washer filled with clothes. I swore that I would do anything to end this madness. I said, “I’d sell my soul to the devil just to wash my clothes.” Days later, they are gone. They moved out. It was Claudia. She used her magic zombie powers to contact the devil about my offer. The devil got the Dead Zombie Wife to spook them enough to leave. They were gone and I was free to wash my clothes. I had but one problem. I sold my soul to the devil. It’ll be only a matter of time before he comes to collect.

Question 8: With the Lazy Laundriers gone, who will take their place?

Awesome question! Glad I thought of it. The Boston Pops moved in. You see, at first I thought that they were sent by the devil to collect my soul. They moved on in a very stormy day and we all storms mean bad things. With that, I was sure I was doomed. I was going to be sent away to Hell all because I wanted some clothes out of the washer. It turns out the Boston Pops were good. They were sent by God. It’s hard to think that. I mean, I don’t talk to God so I don’t know why he would be keeping me safe. There must be a reason. Do I know why? Not yet. But I am sure I’ll soon find out. Religion plays a part in this story. We’ll get to it soon.

Question 9: Did the Boston Pops rid you of all the evil in your apartment?

I thought they did. It was quiet for a while. I was happy that my life was going back to normal and the Dead Zombie Wife was gone and The Ghost of Carlos was gone as well. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I thought so. It started back up. She was attacking the new neighbors. She (Claudia) was pissed. Back then I wasn’t sure why DZW and Carlos came back. I thought maybe because I rearranged my apartment but that is silly. The real reason is because I was becoming friends with the Boston Pops. I can’t become friends with my protectors. Claudia and Carlos needed to act fast. They needed t get the Boston Pops out of there and after they are gone, bring in the artillery to collect my damned soul.

Question 10: Who did they send? Who was coming to collect your soul?

A witch. No lie. They sent a witch to collect my soul. She’s an evil witch. She tried putting a curse on me. She used the blood of a virgin butterfly and with it, I was sick for a while. I felt like I was going to die. That’s how bad it became. But I did overcome it. I fought it off. I should let the witch know that I am sorry for accusing her of stealing the cigarette butts. I thought she was taking them to make some voodoo doll of me. Draining the saliva from the butts and using it to put an evil curse on me. If you wanna blame someone for stealing the cigarette butts, you should blame the Chain Smoking Cryptkeeper.

Question 11: What does she have to do with the story?

Nothing. I was just letting people know that the witch wasn’t the one behind the butts being stolen. It was the Chain Smoking Cryptkeeper. Yes, I have names for all the people around here. We also have a kid named, Tuba. He’s not important. He has nothing to do with this story.

Question 12: Okay…what else can you tell us about the witch?

Not much. She’s been quiet since she gave birth. I thought it might be the Anti-Christ but it wasn’t a boy. So we’re safe. She has fallen out of the story and will only become available when I need her again. For now, she’s just on standby.

Question 13: You found a key a while ago. What happened to that?

I still haven’t made the video. I need to. It’ll add some more to the back story of Claudia and Robert. the key belonged to the previous tenant. I assume it was their key. The key was going to unlock a safe and in the safe will be items belonging to them. Don’t worry, I’ll make the video. Blog entry is here.

 Question 14: So witches, zombies, and ghosts. What other crap did you toss in there?

I got Samoans now.

Question 15: Samoans? 

Oh, and Mormons too!

Question 16: WTF are you smoking!?

Nothing. Let me explain these two. It ties in to the Boston Pops and the soul collecting. I’ll tell you this. It’s awesome how I am able to tie all this stuff together. It’s like it was meant to be. I have an overactive imagination. It does for some good storytelling.

So the Samoans came before the Mormons. The Samoans have been moving in to all the buildings around here. It is insane. I am not going to lie. There is probably 6 apartments that they live in. Well, 6 that I know of. I feel like their spreading throughout the complex is virus like. I will soon catch this virus and be no more. But I can also be saved. This is where things get complicated.

I have been visited by Mormons. I feel they are the evil group coming to collect my soul. The Samoans are here trying to set up safe havens to protect me from them. There may soon be a war between them. The Evil Mormon Elders will soon collect my soul and I will be finished. It’s been 1 year and my soul hasn’t been collected. Claudia failed at getting the Boston Pops out. Carlos failed too. The Mormons prevailed. They used their Mormon powers to brainwash the Boston Pops to leave. Now the place is empty. There is no protection. There can be. Who knows who will move in next door. It could be the Samoans with their islander virus.

Question 17: Anything else?

No. That covers it. Nothing new has happened. Give it a week or two and then I’ll have another addition to this legend.

That is it. That is the legend and how all things tie in together. I am still waiting on who moves in next door. It will either add to the story or it will put the story at idle. I have to wait and see where I go with the Mormons and what happens with the Samoans. Even the event that happened today (plus one I didn’t mention) all help mold this into something great. How long can you keep this up? The story has to end sooner or later. It will end. It can end when I and if I ever move out. I will finally escape it all. But if the new place I move into has noises, then the story will continue. I honestly don’t know where the story is going. I never do. It all depends on what happens. Right now, I have someone coming to collect my soul. Can I find a way to keep it? Sure. I bet I can. I just need something to tap me on the shoulder and inspire me.

I hope you’ve read some of this legend. It’s a fun story. It’s not true. I mean things in it are true but I elaborate on it. I fib here and fib there. It’s all in fun to make the legend more than something one dimensional being. Things happen and I look for a way to make it a story. You’re either going to be the good guys or you’re gonna be the bad guys. You can’t be both. That’s how the story goes. I would love to actually make it an e-book and sell it online. That would be awesome.  I would have to take some things out. Maybe get someone to help with drawings. It’ll be some work but it would be worth it. Till then, keep checking out the site for the always continuing saga of, The Dead Zombie Wife.