Returning to the UFO

Remember the post about my coworker being an alien? Remember how the other coworker I had was actually a member of the MIB? I really thought the story was over. I really thought we would never hear from “Chris” again. I was sure he was gone for good. He was captured by Agent T. and he was sent to whatever place they put aliens like “Chris” in. It was last week when we made contact with “Chris”. He assured us everything was okay.

He didn’t speak much about Agent T. In fact, he said the night they went out, Agent T. never did show. Chris went stag and drank himself sill. He watched as the women in the bar rubbed up on the drunken men, pushing their busty bosoms all over the men’s chests and faces. A spectacle to say the least. This is the type of human contact Chris and his alien species are looking to study. Female excitement and the way human reproduce. It was shortly after the bar study when Chris contacts another coworker of ours. They were going to meet up and talk about their conquering of the female genitalia and how the ravaged and showed the ladies some new and well thought out moves. Chris never made it there. He “missed” the exit to his friends’ house. A simple mistake but the night Chris went missing was also a night that the local law enforcement received countless calls about strange noises in the sky. The end of times or was it the beginning of the alien invasion?

Aliens. Yes, it was the aliens. Chris missed the exit not because he was drunker than a skunk but the noises from the sky put him in some sort of trance. These noises don’t bother us humans like they do with the aliens species Chris is. The noises annoy us but put Chris and others like him in a trance and they seem to black out, remembering nothing until they come to. Chris was missing for 2 weeks. It was 2 weeks without a single word from him. We were sure he was in some lab at Area 51 being subjected to strange tests and numerous poking and prodding. But out of the blue, Chris contacted us and told us

“I am okay.”

Three words were all we needed. Those three words assured us that he wasn’t captured by Agent T. He was safe in Iowa. Wait? Iowa? Can you explain how you ended up in Iowa? I will explain it to you. I know Chris will deny it. He won’t come out and tell us he’s an alien. That would just cause panic in the streets about people will go crazy. But I know he’s an alien. I am like Sherlock Holmes without the British accent, the intelligence, and the snooty sidekick. I deducted his true self and already let you and others know about it. The world needs to know. We need to know that aliens are real and they are here to check out our women’s bosoms. This is what I believe happened that night in question. The night Agent T was to capture Chris but didn’t. The night Chris vanished and never arrived at his friend’s house to talk about women and their sexy daughters.

After Chris left the bar, he headed towards his friend’s house. They were going to meet. That’s a fact. We have texts to prove it. It was roughly 2:30 in the morning when the last text went through. Chris said,

“Be there in 5.”

The five minutes came and went. Chris never showed. He ‘blacked out’. That is what he tells us. He says that but I know. I know that the noises from the sky interfered with his alien anatomy and the black out was actually him being “abducted” back to the mother ship. Chris filled his people in about the human race and how sex works. Chris might not be the best person to explain to the aliens about how sex works. At least the aliens will now know what masturbation is. The aliens are now knowledgeable in our reproduction process. I don’t know what they want from it but from the movies I have seen and the television shows I have watched, I am sure it’ll go something like this.

Chris said he drove for 6 hours straight and only came out of his daze when he saw the flashing lights of a police car. Not true. He wasn’t driving for 6 hours. He was picked up by the alien mothership and for 6 hours, he gave them prime examples and knowledge of humans. After he was done with sharing what he learned, the aliens dumped him back to Earth. The lights he say were not the police but the UFO leaving him. Chris claimed to be jail those 2 weeks he was missing but I don’t buy it. I have a feeling that during those two weeks he was MIA, him and his alien buddies set in motion what will soon be the end to all humanity. They’ll be stealing our women to plant their alien seed in them. They’ll steal our valuable resources. Our planet will be drained of everything and when 12/21/2012 rolls around, Chris and all the other aliens will be cruising the galaxies with their buds while we suffer in the end of times.

What did happen those 2 weeks he was gone?  What dastardly plan did they come up with? I will continue to investigate this. Sadly, Agent T is missing. We haven’t heard from him. He swore he cannot communicate with us anymore but it’s odd that he is gone. He just vanished. I fear the worst. I fear Chris overpowered him and use some alien weaponry to kill Agent T and stop the MIB from furthering their investigation into what Chris and his alien comrades are really up to. The alien invasion is happening. We need to prepare. We need to arm ourselves and take out the aliens before they take us out.

You never told us why he was in Iowa.

You’re right! I didn’t. Sorry. It’s quite simple. The great state of Iowa is known for more than just corn, Hawkeyes, and being a waste of space and valuable land. It’s a superhighway for alien activity and their crop circles. It’s a breeding ground and Chris knows that. It’s the best place to hide out and we all know that the people in Iowa aren’t just stupid because they’re inbred and lack social skills. No. It’s because most of the people there are actual aliens. Chris needed to be with his people for a while. We all know that when an attack does happen in the states, it’ll be in the mid-west. Iowa is the best place for aliens to hideout and then attack. You can’t tell the locals from the aliens.

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