A Gallon Of Milk

Have you ever walked into a room then forgot what you went in there for in the first place? I am sure you have. We all have. There was an article I read about how researchers at Notre Dame actually studied this and posted what causes this amnesia like problem. Nice to know that they are working on important things and not bothering with solving things like cancer, AIDS, and the Bieber Fever.

If you took the time to read the link, you would have seen that our forgetfulness is because we walk through doors. Nice to know that doors are the reason why I sometimes look like an idiot when I stand in a room with no idea why I went in there the first place. I was at work and while working on a project I had to stop and grab some milk from the other end of the store. It wouldn’t be such a big deal but we have rest stops along the way to help you  with your shopping experience. If you’re not picking up what I am laying down, let me explain it to you in stupid people terms.


I am asking for Segways to be given to the employees but I haven’t heard back yet from our financial department. I need my milk and I turn around to tell someone that I was walking away for a second and as I do that, I am stopped by another person. I am informed that there is a very upset person who wants to speak with a manager. That would be me. I don’t know why I do it but when I am approached by somebody if they ask if I am a manager I always respond the same way. Wait, not all the time. If my manager is there then I point to him and set him up for a trip under the bus. I work nights mostly so I am the guy in charge a majority of the time during those hours. The other times I am off of work. You’ll find me at home, my friend’s house, or passed out in the back of a squad car. My response I give people is the same always when they ask if I am in charge.

Customer: You a manager?

Me: I am tonight.

Not sure why I do that. But I always reply that way when they need to speak with someone of importance and I am the guy that gets elected to defuse the situation. The customer doesn’t seem very upset. He wasn’t upset at all. He had no rage in his voice and wasn’t screaming about raining hellfire down on me and the other staff members. He had a simple question and I guess the other employee couldn’t answer it because they weren’t a manager and when you’re not a manager, you don’t know the answer. I knew the answer. I walk with the guy and take him to where he needs to be. Lucky for me it was in the direction I was originally headed before I was asked to speak with him. I fan my arm and point out what he wanted. Another employee steps in and fields the questions that I am not familiar with. He wasn’t a jerk at all. A little short with us but never a jerk. He wasn’t even one of those people who rather be on their phone than let me help them.

Speaking of the cellphone issue I have. I was out getting my Halloween costume today and my brother called me to chat about nothing. Anyway, I  am going to pay for my items and I was still talking to my brother. You know what I did!? If you guessed that I kept being an a-hole and still talked to my brother while being bothered by the sales associate, then you’re wrong. I told my brother to wait a second. I put the phone down and gave my full attention to Richard, the cashier at the Halloween store. See? I was polite. If I stayed on my phone, I would have been the Richard.

The man got his questions answered and he seemed so much happier after that. I was thanked and went on my way to finally pick up what I needed. I walk but 20 feet till I am stopped by a little old lady. She was looking for some frozen dinner. Not just any dinner would do. She had a specific dinner in mind. It had to the right brand, the right size, and the right name. I show her where it is but with my luck, it was empty and not in stock. Her geriatric heart broke a little and I felt it. I comforted her with an invitation for us to look in the back freezer for some not put out. She says okay and promised to wait there till I get back. I once had a lady snap at me when I mentioned us doing a job as team. I wasn’t expecting her to help out, I just said ‘lets you and I go load up all these boxes in your car’. She went all Regan on me with her head spinning and spewing pea soup all over me.

“I am NOT helping you! It’s your job. YOU load the boxes.”

Ever been at loss for words? I was at that moment. I didn’t know what say. I apologized and stumbling over my poorly chosen words replied and let her know that I will take care of it myself. I really wasn’t expecting her to help out at all. All she had to is open the doors to her Escalade and move the crap around inside the car. I will do the rest. I will lift the heavy items and listen to you complain as I stack the boxes not to your liking. She might not have appreciated me or my work but there was always one guy who did. He might have appreciated me a little too much.

I was that excited!

I check out the freezer and to my own and  her dismay, I don’t find any. I don’t want to come out empty-handed. I will search high and low for this nasty processed meal. I must find this dinner. She’ll be heart-broken and her being old, she might die of a broken heart. I don’t want to be the guy who killed an old lady because she couldn’t find the spaghetti with meat sauce dinner. I grab another employee to help with aiding in the capture of  this elusive frozen dinner. Him and I find the dinner and hand it to her. The world rejoices and balanced is restored in the force. It’s been at least 10 minutes and I am still trying to grab the item I need to finish up the project I’ve been working on. I am an arm’s length from it. I can grab the milk and go back to work to finish up the task at hand but no. It cannot be that simple. I still need to make it back in one piece. I am stopped by a plump, bluetooth wearing fellow. He also is looking for the lean cuisine dinner. Smart move dude but maybe you should have started in on these dinners about 200 pounds earlier. I point him down the aisle where the old lady is stock piling the dinner in her pair of carts. I don’t know if he got a dinner or not. It has taken me a long time to get the milk. I stand there and the sense of accomplishment I had overwhelmed me. Seriously! I was finally about to get the milk I went looking for days ago and to add to the discovery, my joy was over-exuberant when the milk I grabbed had yet to spoil. It was a grand moment that night.

I hear my name paged over the loud system. I was gone for approximately 15-20 minutes! I had to get back to see what I was needed for.  I hurry back to my work area and I am told there are two people waiting to speak with another employee. I already know that the person they are looking for was off. The couple appear to get upset and that bothers me. I was not ready to get yelled at for something I didn’t do and have no control over. I guess it comes with the territory of being the man in charge. I have to make a phone call and get the bottom of this problem that has fallen in my lap. All this for a gallon of milk. I call the lady and this appointment wasn’t today but for tomorrow. Now I have to go and tell these people who made a special trip up here to meet her to get back in their car and go back to from whence they came from. Confrontation and I don’t get along very well. It’s like Nickelback and talent. It just doesn’t mix well. I apologize to them like it was my fault. They were nice and went away without really making some scene. I wasn’t called a giant dick with big ears and they didn’t threaten other customers with racial slurs and hand to hand combat in the parking lot.

I get back to work. The crisis is averted but I notice something in the corner of my eye and know that I need to fix it before this problem that isn’t mine becomes mine. I had the honor of getting a phone call from an old lady. It was a local number and I don’t have all my family and friends in my phone yet. I did but I erased my phone a while ago and really just wait for people to call me or send me a text so I can put them back on. So this old lady calls me and I pick it up. It is a collect call. I didn’t know collect calls still existed. Are there even pay phones still around? Whatever. I accept the call and wait.

Old Lady: Is Lee there?

Me: Sorry, ma’am. You have the wrong number. No Lee here.

Old Lady: This isn’t Lee?

Me: (a little snarky)NO! This is not Lee!

Old Lady: (VERY RUDELY)Then why did you pick up!?

Me: I don’t know. Cause you called me!


Wasn’t even me and I get yelled at for nothing. I mosey on over and fix the problem. Regular mr. fix-it over here! Damn, I am qualified for everything. But my greatness is being put on hold. I have duties to attend to. I try to sneak away without being stopped but nope. I am stopped again. Someone needs this and that. I don’t know why I am the gopher today but I am. I have been running around for 30 minutes from the four corners of the world. At least this time I didn’t have to journey to Mordor or the center of the earth. It was a hop, skip, and a jump away to fix the problem at hand. I really need people to leave me alone for a minute so I can grab what I need and get on my way. I just went for milk and I come back with milk and a nomination for employee of the decade.

Do my eyes deceive me!? Is that someone who can fix the angry couple who came in on the wrong day? Yes! It is! It’s someone who can help. I chase after her. I am leaping over shopping carts and stepping over loose babies. I can’t let her get away and have those people see me as the villain in this picture. I don’t want them thinking I had some play in their early arrival, like we do this for shits and giggles. I will fix this. Since the other lady had taken the day off and had total disregard for people, I hoped and prayed that the one gal may the one who can answer their questions and sit down with them. I was more just trying to smooth the situation over and get someone to help them out before they left with a bad taste in their mouth. She didn’t seem to thrilled when I asked her. I think she was just heading out for the night and rushing to get home. That is just too bad. You’re going to help them. They hadn’t left. I spotted them from afar and pointed them out. I followed her over there to talk to them. We apologized and parted again. Seems like today is my day. I am saving old people from starving, saving marriages, and calming people down before they snap. Still, this happened all over some milk. This better be some damn good milk too.  I am finally back in my area. The storm has passed and it looks like I may be able to finish off the project with my milk that now, may have curdled. I set up shop and I am ready to finish my job a good 45 minutes later. I pick up the recipe and look at it. I need 2 gallons of milk. I look at the one gallon of milk I grabbed.


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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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