Put them on hold, not me

You know what really grinds my gears? That is a tough thing to narrow down. I am a very hateful person and there is more than just one thing that pisses me off to no end. But let me vent a little and fill you wankers in on what makes my Irish blood boil.

I work in the world of customer service. In the amazing work environment of retail, the people you meet are as colorful as a double rainbow arching over a gay night club. Sometimes you come across a mean person who wants nothing but to make your life miserable. Their life is so tragic, they don’t want to be the only one who has a little black rain cloud over them. I am not saying everyone I have met is ugly on the inside. There are many folks who are nice and do treat people with respect and other rules we all learned in kindergarten. This is not about them. While I should praise people who have common courtesy, I want to point out the people who are the polar opposite.

These people live life on the edge. They are the rule breakers. They are the people who tear those tags of the mattress and drink straight from the milk carton. These less than human people are the kids who feel the need to stay on their phone when I and other people in the world of retail try to do our job and serve them. Put the phone down for a second. Just try to focus on me for a bit and let me do what I am paid for. It’s not hard. I understand that your phone call is urgent. I get that I am less of a person because I picked a menial job that is below your standards and frowned upon. But don’t treat me like you treat your kids. At least give me the attention they deserve.You can’t shuffle me off to summer camp or boot camp. I’m right here and I am not going anywhere until my shift is up.  Let me do my job and send you on your merry way so you can bathe in all your importance and let me waddle in my own filth of self loathing and pity. Thank you for letting me know that I am not worthy of respect and if I do try to get any respect from you and your merry gang of smartphone junkies, I’ll need to call you.

This problem isn’t new. It’s been around since the first cellphone was released. Once that little device made its way into our greedy and technological hands, the world of retail have lost their place on the food chain and now sit below mimes and street performers. I recall many years ago when a customer came in and was needing my help. She walked up to me. A cellphone pressed against her botoxed-injected face. I greet her and I get greeted with that silent ‘hello’ and a half wave. I stand there for a second and wait for her to put her phone down and show me the respect I should get because I am human and not because I am a low man on the totem pole of the work force. She doesn’t. She keeps yapping away to the obviously important person on the other end of her NOKIA phone. Not much later she does put her phone away from her mouth.

“You know what I want!”

 Who knows who is on the other end of that phone call. Maybe you’re trying to get that special gal over for a night of dinner, wine, and maybe more. I hope my rudeness doesn’t cock block you.

I know what she wants. I serve her everyday. I could have taken her order and money and walked away and avoided the whole thing but I didn’t. I just waited. But she snaps at me because I gave her respect and waited for her to finish her phone call with her pimp . Sorry for being nice. Next time I wasn’t so nice. I got my revenge. I paid her back for her selfish act of technological mistreatment. I saw her coming towards the counter to order. I ran to my coat and took out my cellphone. I instantly call my mom. I stand at the counter and wait for the now sagging-faced wench to place her order, even though I already know what she wants. I talk to my mom and the lady approaches. She smiles at me. I raise a finger and mouth, “one second.” She laughs. She knows that I mocking her and other people like her. I wait a bit till the time is right. I roll my eyes and her and put the phone to my chest. I huff loudly and scold the lady for being so rude and interrupting my phone call.

“What!? I know what you want!”

I won that day. I showed her that being on the receiving end is not as pleasant of they might think. You’re not being nice or polite if you just point at what you want. Don’t mouth what you want either. Don’t keep talking to the dips**t on the other end of the phone and only speak to me when you need to come up for air. I was recently scolded by someone who said I wasn’t listening to him while he placed his order. Maybe if I wasn’t playing second fiddle to your phone call, I would have taken your order correctly. Sorry for not giving you my full attention. You took the time to come see me and to be served and there I am. Just being rude and not letting you keep talking away on your phone. How rude of me. Let me wait for you to finish that call. Oh, it’s too important to finish!? Again, I am sorry. Tell me what I can do to serve you better. I don’t want to get in the way of your “important” phone call. It must be very important or you would have stopped the call before coming to me and asking to serve you. That call must be of the utmost importance. Keep talking and don’t let me bother you with doing what my job wants me to do. Who knows who is on the other end of that phone call. Maybe you’re trying to get that special gal over for a night of dinner, wine, and maybe more. I hope my rudeness doesn’t cock block you.

I am speaking for everyone out there who has to deal with these kind of people. We are not asking for you to hang up the call. We’re not asking you to not own a cellphone. We just want you to put them on hold for a while and let us help you. Let us do our job and serve you while we give you respect and our full attention. Return the favor and tell the person on the other end to wait or that you’ll be just a second. I am sure they’ll understand. Maybe they have respect for folks in the retail world or maybe we are wrong. Maybe you both are rude SOB’s who got picked last during kickball and swore to make everyone’s life a living hell.

Sound off below. Let me know how you feel about the use of cellphones during social interactions. Let me know if you’ve been on the receiving end or the one who is being the rude f**ker who wasn’t brought up correctly. Either way, I’d like to know. Just make sure you tell whoever you’re talking to on the phone right now that they’ll have to wait. If you don’t do that for me, I’ll find you and kick the horse out from under you just so I can watch you fall.

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