Nickelback Is The Worst Band Ever

I am not going to beat around the bush. There are thousands of bands. I probably can’t even list a hundred names. But if you were to ask me what is the worst band ever, that is easy. You might think boy bands or bands that once were good but now put out terrible albums. They aren’t it. At least the bands that once put out good records have some street cred. For example, some random band’s lead singer married a hot chick. Had a baby and named it a fruit. Even with her head in a box, she’s still hot. And by the way, the ‘head in a box‘ is not a sexual reference. But if it were, it be even hotter!

People who listen to Nickelback are ashamed of themselves. It’s something you don’t admit. Not many people go around, waving their new Nickelback CD and tell people to go out and buy it. That’s effin’ crazy. They know listening to Nickelback is something you don’t ever want to tell people. It’s a challenge to admit something like that. To quote myself,

 I bet admitting to your parents that you’re gay is tough. Just like admitting to people  you listen to Nickelback.

I should be shot but I have been known to listen to them. I can jam to, “Bottoms Up” more than anybody. I don’t listen to it when I am sober. That would be crazy. People don’t listen to them when they’re sober. I am not saying that you should get drunk just to listen to them. What am I trying to say is that it is much easier to listen to them sing a song that will never see the lights of any top ten hit list.

I don’t let people touch me when I am sober. But get a few drinks in me and I will be up for shaking hands and jamming to Nickelback, screaming about being a Rockstar. They are diffidently a drunk band. They are a band you only listen to when you’re drunk. Cause you know when you are inebriated and have that lack of judgement, you do stupid things.

Hey man! I was so drunk, I was listening to Nickelback!”

They’ll tell you it’s okay but they will be cursing you inside. They will be debating whether or not they should keep you as a friend. You see, Nickelback. You may think your music brings people together but it doesn’t. It tears relationships apart. Go ahead and gripe about it to your fans…all three of them. Three is being nice. You’re a joke and yet you seem to sell CDs. I don’t know how that is possible. I don’t even know how it’s possible for you to have a shi**ier band open up for you. Come to think of it. I wonder how you even land a gig. What stadium are you filling up? How you ever heard the words, “nickelback” and”sold out concert” used together in the same sentence?

His talent reeks of basement created demo tracks. Pass around that crappy, 8-track tape and show us what Americans want to listen to.

So much is wrong with this band. The lead singer looks like a homeless man who lives under a highway. It’s him and his hobo friends talking aboot life and how God handed them all a crappy deal. His talent reeks of basement created demo tracks. Pass around that crappy, 8-track tape and show us what Americans want to listen to. If your band is what Canadia normally listens to, it’s no wonder your county is a joke. Not just to the USA but to everyone. Hell, even France finds you guys revolting. Trust me. France knows all about revolting. France! Seriously! They are the joke of the planet and they make fun of you!? Come on, Nickelback. What’s you deal? Did you give all your good ideas to Hinder? Wait, what am I saying? Hinder is the poorer man’s Nickelback.

Hinder or Nickelback, they are the same. Hinder is the American Nickelback. If we hate them it’s okay. Please don’t take offense, NB. Your music is okay. I’ll jam to it when I need some encouragement. Whenever I feel like my life is going down the toilet and I need to know that someone is worse off than I am, I search youtube to watch you fail and pandora so I can hear you fail. Once I hear one of your *cough* hits *cough* I feel better. I feel like, if this group of nobodies can make it big, why can’t I? Why can’t some nobody from the mid-west get the love and respect of some syrup loving, Mounties? It can’t be too hard. I just have to sing about nothing or sing about something in a girl’s mouth. I’ll find something to sing about. Maybe sing about the crap Canadians like. Round bacon, a shaky, Michael J. Fox, or Justin Bieber. Not all filth has come out of your country. You win some and you lose some.

Still, your country reeks because of Nickelback. A foul stench that blows its way to the states. It smells of maple syrup and Alan Thicke’s aftershave. But it is okay. I am not criticizing the whole country. You guys aren’t to blame for Nickelback. They just happen to be from America’s hat. I’m sure you’re happy knowing that they spend most of their time on the road, far from the borders between Canadia and USA. You don’t want them and we don’t want them. Guess the next best thing would be to send them south of the border. I am sure Mexico will find their music muy bein.

There is just something about this band that screams, “we are pieces of s**t!“. I just can’t find their music entertaining…sober that is. If I am drunk, all things sound the same. Put on anything and I will jam along to it. I still keep going back to drinking and what it does to me. It’s a good PSA message people can put out to ward off underage drinking. Drink and you’ll wind up listening to no-talent Canadians. You can thank me later for that gem. If I am going to prove my point about Nickelback and prove to you why they are the worst band ever, I only need to say one thing.

Nickelback. That says enough.

 

 

The following two tabs change content below.

pitweston

I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

Latest posts by pitweston (see all)

  • Jane Henderson

    p.s a singer should be judged on their voice not their looks.

  • Jane Henderson

    The hell ? .. I cant believe this unjustified hate.You hate them because their successful ?, because of their looks ? Thats called being envious and jealous .Everyone has a different taste in music.Just because you dont like their type of music doent mean you can keep blabbering about how they suck.You talk about one song have you heard their other hit singles.They talk about the important things “lullaby” is about teens committing suicide due to bullying. “when we stand together” is about the importance of unity and about starving children around the world.I think thats hundreds of times more important than sex,girls,alcohol and whtever pop shit is popular now. I for one like this band and their uniqe type of music.Go on hating haters that isnt gonna bring them down.

    • pitweston

      I don’t hate them because they’re successful or because of their looks. I just don’t like the band. I’m sure there are bands I like and you don’t like them.

  • Pingback: Zombie Hunger Games | pitweston.com()

  • I cant believe how wrong you are. There is houndreds of bands who are much worse. Nickelback isnt a bad band, its just that people likes different styles of music, like i cant stand justin bieber, but I dont insult him or fans just because of that, so there is no reson to insult people JUST because you think nickelback is bad.

    • I cannot think of a single band that is worse than Nickelback. Yes, we all have different taste in music. But when someone says that Nickelback is a great band that only proves to me that they have a horrible taste in music. Maybe you’re right about not insulting people. I don’t want to add insult to injury.

  • Pingback: Hollywood Superstar, Shia Labeouf | pitweston.com()

  • Kjlsiufh

    The most bi-polar and bigot review ever. Incredibly dumb and typical American. It makes me laugh.

    • That is the first time I have ever been called a bigot. I tip my hat to you.

  • slow clap