Empty Threats

I work in retail. I have had my share of irate customers. I’ve been yelled at and I was even called a “giant dick with big ears“. It’s one of those perks you get when you sign up for a life of retail and customer service. When you’re in the retail world you have a certain respect for people in the same career path. While I don’t condone rude behavior towards waiters, cashiers, and others like them, I too have a breaking point when I become the people I dislike and find to be soulless beings with little to no regard for the person they are talking down to.

I was out the other day when I witnessed a woman who was quite rude to the manager on duty. The overly obese woman stood silently by the wall while she waited for her take out order and for the manager to come to her so she can give him a mouthful. She was a nasty woman who really had no reason to be nasty but only decided to be nasty just for the sake of being nasty. She is upset about the soda machine and the complexity of it. I don’t know if you’ve seen the new Coke Free-Style  machines but they are pretty cool. You have your basic drinks (Coke, Sprite, Diet Coke, Mountain Dew, etc…) and with these new state of the art soda fountains you can add just about any flavor you want to it. I am easy to please and I don’t go out of my way to create different, stomach turning concoctions. I just prefer the normal coke. No lemon or strawberry added. Just the normal coke you’d find in the fountains before they evolved into NASA style switchboards. I am in line ordering my food with Debbie. She is a fiery redhead. She is always there and is always very nice to me. The manager hands the nasty woman the food and says,

“Have a nice day! Hope we see you again.”

He smiles but she doesn’t. She yanks the bag away and with a little hatred in her voice she replies,

“No you want. I am not coming back here.”

Mike is surprised. He doesn’t want to lose a customer. He pries at the nasty, obese woman in the canary yellow moo-moo in hopes to get her to explain what set her off. I already mentioned above but she is very upset with the coke machine and how it went all Westworld on her and messed up her drink. The nasty, obese woman in the canary yellow moo-moo threw her arms in the air because the machine is too complicated. I am not lying. She is losing it because the coke machine has a higher IQ than her and I am sure it can hold an intelligent conversation better than she can. Not sure how the machine became such an enigma for the nasty, obese woman in the canary yellow moo-moo. It’s a coke machine. It dispenses ice cubes and high fructose corn syrup. There is nothing to it. The screen shows you, the consumer, how to operate the coke machine. If you’re not sure how it works, click here. This explains it. It’s not rocket science. It’s a soda fountain. Still, a machine that caused your obesity seems to have pulled a fast one on you. Thank you for proving to me that there are moronic people still out there.

Back to the story. So I explained that I was ordering my food when the nasty, obese woman in the canary yellow moo-moo throws her hands up and makes a scene. She is yelling at the manager on duty. He says he is sorry about it and says he will gladly help her out. She wants none of that. It is too little, too late. He should have acted faster. She wanted her cherry vanilla coke and somehow got an orange flavored drink. The machine is too complicated for her and as she put it,

“too many damn buttons just for a drink.”

I agree with her there but chill the frak out. Don’t yell at Mike. Normally when something doesn’t work, it isn’t the machine. It’s always the operator. She grabbed her food and left the store. She huffed and puffed and kept saying that she is never coming back because of the poor service and the machine being inoperable. Mike, Debbie, and I look at each other as the lady leaves the store proclaiming that this is the final time she’ll ever step foot inside the Burger King. I laugh the lady and tell Debbie to,

Not to worry. She’ll be back. I’ve heard that plenty times myself. They always come back.”

I know all about the empty threat of telling a store/restaurant that you are never going to come back. I have heard that many times and each time the person says it, I will see them later that week and if it is a regular customer, I will see them the very next day as if nothing ever happened. If you are going to threaten us with never returning, then don’t return. You don’t even have to threaten us vocally. Just do what I did and don’t come back at all. There are a few places I haven’t returned to and I never told the person on duty that I wasn’t coming back. I just stopped going. There is no need to make it a show. Don’t look around for other customers so you can climb up on your soapbox and tell the world that you are never returning. That petty attempt at trying to gain followers in your mass exodus isn’t going to work. They are only going to look at you and when you leave they will talk silently among their family and friends about the crazy person leaving the building. If you make a scene about the poor service you received you aren’t making a statement. You are making a name for yourself. You will be known as the, crazy person I saw today. Do you want to be that person? I don’t think so. Please do me a favor. As a person in the world of retail, do not come at me with an empty threat of never returning. If you aren’t happy and you’re that angry that you’ll never come back, then just don’t come back. Don’t raise hell and make a fuss in front of other people. You might hope for a revolt but you’re not getting one. You can take your negative attitude and find another place to piss on. I shouldn’t say that but I mean it. No one expects poor customer service when they go out. They want it to be perfect. While they shouldn’t, things happen. Sometimes a wrench falls into the gears and crap hits the fan. When it does, we’ll be there to get it fixed. We’ll be there to assist you and be your punching bag for when you feel the world is against you. I will apologize for the poor service and I’ll do what I can to ease and calm the situation. I want people to be happy and enjoy the service I offer. I want them to know that we do care about our customers and want them to be happy but don’t ever throw the ‘never coming back again’ card out. I might not call your bluff to you directly but I know. I know that you’ll be back. Empty threats are just that,

empty and threats.

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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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