In a previous post, I talked about a few types of people you are likely to meet around the office at work. While the list was long, I didn’t cover everyone. Work can be a fun place or it can be a living hell if you let it be. I work with a colorful group of people. These people have their little quirks that bug me and wish that my fist could go through their face, not once, but twice. Not to be seen as a violent person at work but when you deal with the people I deal with, you’d wish you had a wooden board to meet the side of their face dead on.
The Kneeler
Such an obvious one that I overlooked. The Kneeler is the type of person who started out as the teacher’s pet. They were teachers aides and hung around the principles office after hours. Not many people looked forward to hanging out with their principal when they were younger and being older, they have no desire to shooting the sheet with their boss. The kneeler is one who wants that. They want to be the favorite. Wall know the kneeler lacks in every field they pursue. We know they suck as an employee. Their knowledge of the computer closely matches the same your grandparents have. They don’t give 110% and if given the chance, they’ll hardly give 50%. Yet, as you struggle day in and day out, staying after hours to work late and finish the reports, the kneeler is out the door at five minutes till five. These people do the least amount of work and fail at everything they try. For some unknown reason, these people get a promotion far earlier than you. They rise to the top while you are stuck in what feels like the catacombs of the office. Your goal and their goal differ in some ways. You both want to make it to the top of the food chain. You both have different qualities that make you a likely candidate. Your work is all about sitting in a chair at your desk, doing everything you can to keep your job. Under your breath, you’re groaning about how the kneeler gets the raises and promotions and you don’t. While you sit there, the kneeler is under a desk somewhere, working their way to the top. You are right about one thing. The kneeler does suck.
The Corporate Tool.
The CT is not an ass kisser. They aren’t smooching it up with the bosses. They don’t tug at their bosses suit to show them their macaroni art they made at last month corporate retreat. The CT is a walking billboard for the company. They have a company bumper stick on the car. They have pens they “accidentally” leave at every place they visit. Much like a high school girl in love, they dream of one day, being “miss corporate so and so”. They walk around cubicle to cubicle with a company coffee mug just to show the others that “look! I’m a team player!” Pens, bumper stickers, mugs, and if available, they’ll wear a tie to represent their place of work. When any opportunity arrives where someone needs to represent the company, they’ll be shoving their way to the front of the line to be picked. Being picked last at kickball really did a number on them but come the company Olympic day, they’ll be first in line to sign up for the three-legged race with the big wigs. It’s time for them to be carried off the field like Rudy. These people live and breathe the company atta boy, tiger! You’ll go places!
Forever Sick.
The forever sick person is close to the “woe is me”. But they aren’t looking for comfort. They would be if they were actually ever at work. Some people are sick a few days a month, these people are healthy only a few days a month. It can be a headache, a stomach ache, or a cold. Whatever the ailment is, they have it. They will make it known they aren’t feeling well. Their constant sickness is sickening to say the least. These people are prime targets for “the professional”. Their work area is cluttered with tissues, medicine, and all types of herbal teas to cleanse their system of the sickness they have been enduring for years. But with all these remedies, nothing cures them. They are forever sick. They drag their feet and walk slightly faster than a sloth. Everyday is new ailment. One day it’ll be a flu and the next day, it’s a headache. Not even cowbell can be prescribed for the fever they are stricken with. You don’t have to worry about them. They aren’t trying to get sympathy from you. It’s just a side effect of a job they wish they could just leave. The only upside to them being sick, it’s not lupus. It’s never lupus.
The New Recruit.
While I am not a fan of new people, I have to look back and know that I once was the new recruit. We were all new people once in our lifetime. But as time passed, the rul
es we were told to follow, faded away from memory and now we just go with the flow. With the new recruit, the handbook is their Bible. They will read a short passage each night before bed to get a better understanding of the company and how it works. A picture of the CEO sits on their nightstand. It’s a friendly reminder of what they are aiming for. “One day…one day…”
They were hired on to be the new blood. To weed out those who just can’t cut it anymore. They are hand-picked and molded into a model employee. The HR people hope for them to be a good influence around others. The New Recruits will aim to please. They will be at your beck and call. Say “jump” and they’ll ask how high. Like the average serial killer, you need to worry about the quiet ones. They aren’t shy. They are plotting and waiting. They don’t flock to the water cooler to mingle with the other associates. They don’t want to be poisoned by their crude and sexual innuendos. Those are wrong. It is stated in, “section III: Article 4: Line 6-9”. If you ever try to skirt the rules, they’ll be there to turn you in. They are the hall monitors of the company. They set their watches according the minute they step away from the office for break. If it’s an hour lunch, that’s what they will take. Not a minute more. They may carry around a notepad in their pocket to scribble any information they get throughout the day. They have the energy and gusto of ten men. Clean shaven, neatly pressed clothes, and a peppiness in every step are clean signs you’re around a New Recruit. But fear not. As the days turn in months and those months fade into years, the New Recruits will be just like you and me. Later in life, they will become “the professional” , “the corporate tool”, or “the untouchable“. You will just have to bear with them for a little while. While their cheerfulness and finger shaking is nerve-racking, it’ll end.
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pitweston
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