Five Dollars is Five Dollars.

When you’re a kid, money is important. A shiny quarter is like a million bucks to you. I am going to tell you a story about money. It takes place decades ago. I don’t know the exact year but I am going to think it took place in probably 1990. It is a story about money, family, and failing to hold up to a promise. I should probably pay up and accept the fact but I am stubborn and will not fold.

My mother had this amazing van when I was younger. It was a Mazda. My mom loves Mazda. It is like her favorite. It was a Mazda MPV. Now the color of the car can be argued. You can be vague and say it was grey but she will correct you. Believe me, she will. She corrected me many of times. I was like 10, mom. I don’t know colors aside from the basic ones. But this van wasn’t grey. It wasn’t silver. It was winning silver. My mom would correct you if you said otherwise. So she has this winning silver Mazda MPV. Such a cool car. It really was. It sat 8 people. I think that is right. it sounds right. We’ll say 8. Maybe it was 7 but I am not going to investigate it. So, it’s 1990. I am like 10. Maybe 11. I think we were going to school or maybe church. I really wanted to ride in the front seat. 

I tried calling shotgun but my older sister beat me to it. Still, if she hadn’t and I claimed it first, she would use her age and take it no matter what. I being the smart kid I was, told her, “I will give you 5 dollars in the year 2000 if I can have the front seat!” Classic. The year 2000 is like centuries away and you’ll forget this deal.

You know what? I got the front seat. It was nothing I remember but I still got to ride shotgun and control the music which probably was my mother’s music and I really had no say in what we got to listen to.

Totally off topic but this is sort of on topic. I remember when a radio station asked people to call in for jokes. So I did. I was still probably about the same age. I called in with a semi-dirty joke. I really don’t remember the joke I said but the radio people asked me how old I was and when I told them, they wouldn’t have it. I had a talking to from a DJ about telling adult jokes at my age. Why I remember that, I don’t know. 

Now, it’s 2017, 17 years later from 2000 and I still haven’t paid for. I still won’t. I was a minor and I cannot be held up to a contract or deal like that. She can try and get for 5 bucks from me but I will never pay her. I won’t even pay her in interest, which is like 9.50 now. You will never get your money. I was a kid. I cannot be held liable for my actions. It was never in writing. Sorry, ma’am. But if you want your 5 bucks, get a lawyer.

I denied this thing for years but I really know I owe her the money. Maybe when I grow a heart or I am handed a court order, I will pay her. Until then, you will never get your money. Good luck trying to get the 5 dollars. Was making a deal with you that I would never hold up worth it? Yes. Every second. 

That van was awesome.


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