Spider Invades My Home

I was going to post something but with just happened, I am changing it up a bit. There are many times we have ourselves epic fails. I know I have done them numerous times. It sucks. Just moments ago, I spotted a spider crawling across my wall. It wasn’t a big spider but coming from a person that hates those things, size does not matter. I wasn’t always afraid of spiders. I don’t really think I suffer from arachnophobia. They just creep me the eff out.


Many moons ago, I lived in a shitty apartment complex. Anyway, I was resting one day when my neighbors came knocking on my door. They asked if they could borrow some money for the laundry room. I declined. Not cause I was being an ass but because I really didn’t have any change on me. They left and I was left to my own free will. I am not really big on being woken up. Usually when I am, I have a hard time falling back to sleep. So I walked over to my computer. I spotted something on the carpet. It was a spider. EEK! This was before the creepiness kicked in. I figured I would scoop it up in a Tupperware container and eventually let it die inside. It looked weird. It was all bumpy. Eff it. I’ll just kill it. I shook the container. Instantly, I discovered that this ugly, bumpy spider was really an ugly, momma spider. Damn thing was covered in babies! I wondered often what would have become of them if I was never woken up. Would I have been attacked at night and faced the same fate the girl below does?


Luckily, I survived. But after that night, those 8 legged freaks have never found a place in my heart again.

This creepy crawler appeared out of no where. I constantly am looking around my place. I see things out of the corner of my eye often. Usually when I look there is nothing there. I looked in the corner and saw him. He stopped. Probably plotting his next move or where he was going to bite me. I don’t know. I am not a spider whisperer. I looked around my room for something to smash him with. I am sorry. I am not one to think every creature should live. Some need to perish. I grabbed a sock. The damn thing scurried across the wall. I flew out of my seat and kept my distance. I was shocked with the amount of noise I made, I didn’t bother Casper Carlos. You’ll be happy to know that I did take a snap shot of him. Sorry if the quality isn’t up to par. I really didn’t want to get any closer than I had to.  See that? Isn’t that the nastiest thing you’ve ever seen? He raced back again towards my computer desk. I didn’t know what to do. I stood up, leaned in like I was ready to pounce on him like a lion to a gazelle. SpiderI slammed the sock against the wall to smash him to bits. He wasn’t going to make it out alive. Sure enough, I missed. The spider fell behind my desk into the unknown.

Fear set in. Where is he? What will he do in retaliation? Am I to suffer all night knowing that this creature is now out for revenge? I cannot sleep nor can I leave this room knowing that he is still alive. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if he was alive or not. He might be dead. I might have killed him. There was no spider carcass on my sock. I was terrified.

I begin to blog. I keep looking at the wall. My feet don’t touch the ground. I don’t want him biting my toe. Who knows what lethal venom this thing is carrying. I have no recollection of ever being bit by a spider. I’m sure I have been. I am sure we all have. Hell, we have all eaten spiders in our sleep. That’s a disgusting thing to even think about.  During my blogging, whatever shall appear from behind the desk? Why yes! The elusive spider. He was alive and let me tell you. He was pissed. Damn thing was acting like he was on crack. He moved like the wind across the wall. I was frozen. I sat in my chair and just watched his every move. I did not want him to get away this time.


I wasn’t going to use a sock this time. A sock was not going to work. I needed something a little more heavier. I grabbed a notebook and Lots Of Spiderswith all the force this 140 pound guy can give out, I smashed him flat. The bloody and oozing remains stuck to the wall. A triumph for me. Another loss for the arachnid world. (Click that link. You won’t be disappointed) I cleaned up the mess. Still, with the spider being put down, I cringe with fear as I write this. Will the spider somehow rise from the grave and grow larger, just to feast on me? Will I be subjected to torture all night long from his family and friends?I guess I will find out tonight. Damn, I hate spiders.

Eff you, Peter Parker.

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