All kids dream of becoming a superhero. We want to be Superman or Batman. Some folks want to be Ironman or Captain America. No little kid ever exclaims they want to be a super villain. While being the villain is awesome, it’s nothing like being the hero in the movie that gets you going. You save the city and you get the girl. How awesome is that!? I on the other hand, want to be a villain. I want to be the one causing havoc and destroying the city. I want to have the superhero fighting me. I want to be the one that people cower in fear when they see me approach. It could have happened. I could have became a super villain… and I woulda got away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!
I awoke one morning. My arm was a bit itchy. I noticed a red bump. I was bit by something. I examined the bite. Ah, yes! A spider bite. Maybe just a boring spider that crawled into bed with me. Maybe it was a black widow or a brown recluse. I doubted it was those. I still had my arm and I wasn’t dying or feeling any great pain. Wolf Spider perhaps? Don’t think so. I had a run in with one of those one night. I almost had to burn my place down because of it. To pull an excerpt from a previous post,
Many moons ago, I lived in a shitty apartment complex. Anyway, I was resting one day when my neighbors came knocking on my door. They asked if they could borrow some money for the laundry room. I declined. Not cause I was being an ass but because I really didn’t have any change on me. They left and I was left to my own free will. I am not really big on being woken up. Usually when I am, I have a hard time falling back to sleep. So I walked over to my computer. I spotted something on the carpet. It was a spider. EEK! This was before the creepiness kicked in. I figured I would scoop it up in a Tupperware container and eventually let it die inside. It looked weird. It was all bumpy. Eff it. I’ll just kill it. I shook the container. Instantly, I discovered that this ugly, bumpy spider was really an ugly, momma spider. Damn thing was covered in babies! I wondered often what would have become of them if I was never woken up. Would I have been attacked at night and faced the same fate the girl below does?
But if you think about it and I was to inherit super spider powers, their venom wouldn’t have affected me at all. My body would have accepted it and within hours, my body would change drastically. I’d be swinging from buildings, fighting robbers, and sooner or later when I run of out ideas, I’d stroll around downtown, being emo and shit, dancing to some lame disco music.
The day went on. The mark was getting worse. It was redder and itchier. Was my body slowly taking on the spider’s venom? Was I too become a superhero? Was I going to take on a new role in life and put aside my career and became the hero we all deserve and need?
Eff no! I wasn’t going that route. I wasn’t going to be a hero. The world has too many. What the world needs is a villain. I was going to be that villain. I was going to be the one to destroy humanity. I will not be your friendly neighborhood Spiderman. I will be the dark shadow in the night. I will be the man you all fear. I will be the one who will bring an end to the light. I will be, “The Arachnid”. That was going to be name. I was ready for it. I was excited and chatted with people at work about how I had it all planned out. How I was going to take on the city then then neighboring one, so on and so on. Sadly, it didn’t happen. The spider’s venom didn’t enhance anything. I never gain any powers. I just had a nasty bite and a really, f**king itchy arm.
Had I became this super-villain, let me explain how it would have went down. Once the powers were gained, I was going to sew something together. Well, not me. I can’t sew. I can’t even replace a button that fell off my shirt. I am that lazy, well incompetent about sewing or anything involving a needle and thread. I was going to have my mother sew me something together. How I would go about asking her to make me a costume, I never really thought of. Trust me. My mommy is a pro at sewing. She’s made me a few Halloween costumes.
With the costume made, I was going to leave my apartment. I will need a lair. I will need a place to call home, a place I can plan all my heists, my attacks, or my destruction of the city. Not too far from work, is a golf course. It’s a pretty swank place. While it is a busting area with new homes being built, I was going to find a nice area in the surrounding wooded area and there, with the money I had accumulated from robbing banks and old ladies, I will pay people to create my subterranean lair. After that, I was going to hire them as my henchmen. They are expendable. No loss on my part if they die. Who needs henchmen when you are a super-villain with super spider powers?
The costume is made and I have already made a name for myself. The people fear me. The police have no idea how to stop me. One officer in particular will be the man who I will always toy with. I will leave him notes and drive him insane. I’d mention his name but he is a real guy and I can’t speak ill of law enforcement. He will be the one who will always try to capture me but I will always be one step ahead of him. He will never know my true identity. For if I was to ever be found out, my plans will be ruined. I must keep my secret hidden and never be unmasked.
I cannot be a super-villain and not have a side-kick. I have one planned, well had one planned. You know, since this dream of being a villain with super powers fell through. It was going to be a gal without super powers but she was gonna be pretty bad ass. She would be like a ninja. Lots of fighting skills and sexy too! I already had her name picked out. I was going to call her, Sexy Silk. A sexy side-kick with an attitude to boot. Her costume will be just silk. Before we went out to wreck havoc, I spray her down with my webbing, covering about every inch of her body with my silk, leaving her large bosoms for all to see. Sexy Silk and I would be unstoppable.
We would have been. I had it all planned. I was going to gain powers. The spider that bit me was going to create an unstoppable super-villain that the world has never seen. We were going to take over the world! But sadly, those dreamed died. My “mom” at work scolded me and forced me to see a doctor. I lowered my head. I knew the dream was dead. I met with the doctor. They knew it was bad. It was infected. They must know my intentions. She ruined it all. She tossed me some medication and made me take it. She forced those pills down my throat. The infection cleared out. The dreams of being The Arachnid was dead. I wasn’t going to take over the world. I was now forced to be me again. I am just an Average Joe with no powers. While the officer isn’t my nemesis anymore, I have a new one. The doctor who prescribed me the meds. I will search for a new spider or a new ability to ruin her. When she is gone, I will then bring deadly force to the city and eventually, when I have put fear in everyone, I will take on the world. Victory will be mine. Fear The Arachnid. I will one day rise and when I do, I will triumph. Be warned.
Sweet dreams.
pitweston
Latest posts by pitweston (see all)
- The Million Dollar Question - February 1, 2021
- Depression sucks. - January 31, 2021
- Happy New Year - January 5, 2021