Bend overSorry about the site being down. My hosting company employs a bunch of cocks and thought it’d be fun to take their servers offline.  Two days later, I am finally back. I had a blog I wanted to post but that one is going to wait. Instead, I am going to let you know about my recent visit to the doctors.

I’ve been having some health issues lately that the doctors are trying to pinpoint. I would find myself fainting. I don’t know if I’m really fainting. It’s hard to explain what’s really going on.

The whole thing was unexpected. There I was, standing around, bullshitting with my boss at work. Sometime during our chat, I said to him, “Hold on.” and then fell to the ground. I don’t think I blacked out. Everything just went dark. I got up as if nothing happened. The next day, it happened again. It continued on. I would feel it coming. I would breathe heavier. To focus, I had to close my eyes. Speaking sometimes got troublesome. My knees would give, then I would fall to the floor.

I had an EKG and a MRI done. Both came back fine. My doctor suggested putting my on Valium. He thought maybe it was anxiety. I took the meds and everything got better. I haven’t been on them for a few days. The first day, I could tell something was off. I didn’t faint, but I knew that I needed the meds. I couldn’t focus at times and my breathing got heavy at one point. I am thinking of calling him and letting him know that maybe I need to stay on the Valium.

Woops. Skipped to the end there. You wanted to read about me being violated. Sorry. I wanted to explain the reason why I was violated. You might read it and wonder, “What the fuck? Why did he get that test done?” That’s why. I needed to go over how I saw so many doctors and they all had their own reason as to why I was doing what I was doing. Thankfully, my ENT got it right—anxiety.

Well maybe. I’m waiting on some other test results and I’ve got a visit to a neurologist to take care of. This shit is scary. Brain, nerves, heart. These are important organs. If one of these break, then damn. I’m kind of fucked. It was Tuesday when I had to get an Echo done. My name is called and I’m taken back to my room. Sweet Jesus, I walked like a mile. Turning corners, down these long hallways, finally coming to a room that was tucked in the corner of the office, far from anyone. The room was dark. No lights were on. The nurse assisting me looked like the dad from Transformers only with a lot more hair. I stepped in the room and he stands besides me.

NURSE: Okay. Take off your shirt and lay on the bed.

What the fuck? There was no “Hello”. Not even a “Hi. How the fuck are you?” Just, “Take off your shirt bitch and lay the fuck down.” Are you serious? Why do I feel like this is not going to be good?

He proceeds to rub my chest down with this gel shit and checks my heart.

NURSE: Breathe

I breathe.

NURSE: Breathe out.

I do. This went on for a while. He then had me scoot closer to him. Look, I’m laying on my side, with my ass out.  Thoughts are running through my head. I keep filling my head with random things. Cars, work, movies, chocolate cake. I begin to repeat lines from any movie I can think of to keep my mind off the burly man touching me.

The test is finished. He then takes a towel, and rubs me down.

NURSE: Let me clean you up.

He rubs me down, wiping off every inch of my chest. This wasn’t a fast process. He went slow, doing circular motion.

NURSE: There you go. All cleaned up.

I felt dirty. I didn’t know if I should pay him or the doctor for my visit. I stood there  putting my shirt back on, while he sat in his chair, watching me dress and he’s telling me that they’ll call me soon with the results. I am just glad this wasn’t a physical. I don’t know how I would react to one of those. If I ever get one of those, I hope she’s hot and not Sir Rub-a-lot.


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