I have been meaning to blog for some time now. It’s been months since I have. I really thought I would blog more being out of the apartment but that did not happen. Instead, plenty of unfortunate events unfolded that really took a toll on me.
I moved into my house on November 3rd, 2017. It was amazing! I was finally done living in an apartment. I had to get out of there. It was getting terrible. I could list the horrors I had to endure for several months but I won’t go into the details of poop in the laundry room and a stolen hammer. I just won’t talk about it.
I spent the next few days moving things from the apartment to the house. I think I spent three days, maybe four getting it all moved in. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I have done the apartment thing since I was 21. I did move back home twice. Once when I had a DUI, which if you ever think about getting in a car after drinking copious amounts of alcohol, I suggest you don’t. It gets mighty expensive and if you come from a large family, your place on the ‘favorite child totem pole’ goes down a few notches. It took some time but I worked my way back up a place or two. The second time I went back home was after a roommate left for the Marines and I was out of an apartment until I could find a place in my price range.
Sorry about going off topic. Let me find out where I was at…
Oh, yes. The house. So I spent the first few days moving in. A couple of friends helped move the big things. We did it in one night. It was nice to finally get out of the apartment and be a homeowner. I know that when things go wrong, I can’t call the office to have someone come out and fix it. I have to do it myself. I have to fix it myself or pay someone to do it for me. That’s something I knew walking into this. It wasn’t something I just found out. People keep telling me, “welcome to being an adult.” I am an adult. I have been since I was 21. I know what being an adult is. It is being a homeowner that I know nothing about. What the hell is PMI? What is a mortgage? What the hell did I get myself into!?
After moving in and getting the house set up, I was back to work. I worked the next six days in a row. I hadn’t had a chance to really sit down and relax and take in everything. It went from signing away my life, to moving, to unpacking, and then back to work for six full days. I still haven’t done laundry. When I bought the house, they tossed in the washer/dryer, fridge, stove and the microwave. It would have cost me an arm and a leg buying all that myself.
It was early Tuesday morning, November 14th, 2017. I didn’t have my car that day. I went out with friends the night before to eat and they decided to just pick me up instead of me just driving myself. I ended up leaving my car at work. We’ll get to that in a moment. It does play a part in this. So, I am at home that Tuesday morning. I am carless. I could walk to get my car. I live not too far from work but I was lazy and decided not to. So I toss my clothes in the washer. So nice to finally do laundry in my own home and not have to worry about the neighbors using them or worry if they still have clothes in it from the night before. I kept myself occupied with my phone and whatever else I could.
You know, I forgot something. I was waiting on AT&T that day too. They were to come and install my internet. That whole thing with them was an ordeal. They had me down for a day in late November for the installation. I called and said that day wouldn’t work and I needed it earlier. They only day they had was the 14th. I agreed. They were to arrive around one that afternoon. I ended up missing that appointment…
The clothes were done in the washer. I tossed them in the dryer and started it up. Again, a nice relief from not waiting for the neighbors to remove their clothes. I went back to my phone to look at funny pictures on imgur and send snapchats to friends. The dryer set up isn’t like a normal dryer. I was unaware of it but some dryers have an inside dryer vent that the lint goes into rather than going through a tube to be shot outside. I looked it up and read about it. It was simple. A pain in the ass to know that I had to not only clean out the lint trap in the dryer but also tend to cleaning out the boot too.
I almost bought a house a couple of years ago. It was a small house, just like the one now. This house came with a propane tank to heat the house and also a septic tank. Two things I knew nothing about. I researched both extensively. Back then, I could have talked your ear off about how a septic tank works and how to maintain it. That’s how much I read about it. At the end, the house had no septic tank and the owner was forced to hook up to the city sewer system. If you didn’t know, I didn’t buy the house. Someone did. Kudos to them. It was a nice little house.
I went into the laundry room. It was like a sauna in there. There was some condensation on the walls. I figured it was because the heat from the dryer wasn’t going outside but staying inside. I ignored it and when I went to check my clothes, they needed a bit more time. I’ll set it for another 15 minutes or so. That will get the job done. Back to my phone and back to funny pictures, read the news and back to snapchatting people while I wait for my clothes and AT&T to arrive.
I was getting hungry. I should eat. I can’t leave the house and get food since I did not have my car. I’ll finish my laundry and then eat. So I waited. The dryer finished and the clothes were dried. I took out my clothes and put them away. I grabbed a pot and started some water. I was going to have some pasta. It’s easy and I love pasta. I was in the kitchen, ready to make lunch and while I waited for the water to boil, I was on my phone. “You know, eventually, I am going to want a new washer and dryer.” I was on Best Buy or was it Lowes? Don’t remember but I was looking at washer and dryers when a smell hit me. “I smell smoke.”
I went into the laundry room. Yep. My dryer was on fire. It wasn’t engulfed in flames but there was a fire. The lint trap in the dryer was shooting out flames. I screamed the mother of all words a few times. I quickly unplugged the dryer and ran back and forth to the sink. I kept filling up glasses of water to toss on the flames, hoping to extinguish the flames. It wasn’t working very well. I was panicking. The flames were not going away and the room was filling with smoke. Now the kitchen was filling with smoke, then the living room and now the small bedroom. The smoke alarm starts to go off. I have never been in a fire. This is the first time I had the chance to know what sheer panic was.
I am running around. I run back to the dryer. I slam the door shut and open the back door to my house. I grab the dryer with my hands. I was full of adrenaline, that I didn’t feel anything. I shoved the dryer to the door and pushed and kicked. The fucking dryer got stuck. There is a dryer that is currently on fire stuck in a door to a house that I just bought. Let that sink in. I was about to lose my new home. I ran out the front door. I was hoping to see someone. I saw my neighbor and another guy. I have never spoken to either of them before. This is my first time meeting them. I scream and tell them my dryer is on fire and I need help. I run inside and my neighbor’s friend runs out back to the backdoor. The smoke alarm is still going off. I push on the dryer and he pulls. “Damn, this is hot!” He exclaims.
It’s out of the house. We save the house, aside from some damage to the door frame and to my hands. Oh, lord did my hands look like shit. The area below my thumbs on each hand was burnt. There isn’t any scaring on my hands. They are a bit pink in color but no scarring. I said I didn’t feel any pain when I grabbed it and after pushing on the dryer, I still didn’t feel any pain. Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever felt any pain from the first time I grabbed the dryer to the drive to the hospital and the hour or more I spent at the ER.
The fire was rough. It wasn’t something I wanted. It isn’t something anyone wants. My neighbor’s friend told me that he and his girlfriend had a fire and lost everything. I feel lucky that I was there. What would have happened if I had my car? I would have left the house and went to get food. I could have come back to a house in flames. I could have lost it all. I would have nothing. Yes. I am alive. I am safe. That is all that matters but to think of losing everything you own, everything you worked for is gone in an instant.
A few things I should say because I am guessing you may have a few questions. What about the fire department? Why didn’t you call 911? I thought about it. I did. I just moved here and don’t know how far they are from my house. I couldn’t just stand there and twiddle my thumbs while I wait to be rescued. I had to act and that is what I did. Don’t you own a fire extinguisher? The people who lived here before me left one. I did grab it but it was empty. They left me an empty fire extinguisher. That was nice of them.
The day after the fire I had to work. I also had to make a trip to another hospital. This one had a burn clinic, which is one of the best. That was something I didn’t want. I already made one visit to a hospital. I didn’t want to make two. I had to work and continue to work. It was the holiday season and not working or taking time away from work is not a good thing. I haven’t had the chance to relax. It was the fire to the hospital visits and then working long hours during the holidays.
I called my home warranty people about the fire. I put a claim in. Now, this was just a 90-day warranty. I still hadn’t got a full warranty. I have one now but figured my 90-day warranty would take care of me. They didn’t. I sent them all the information about the fire and pictures. I waited for weeks to hear something. Nothing… Here is how the phone call went when I called about the claim.
Me: I am calling about a claim.
Them: Your name?
They asked for my address.
Them: This about the dryer?
Them: That claim has been denied.
Them: Anything else you need?
Me: Apparently not.
Them: Okay. You have a good day.
The first holiday came and went. Now came Christmas. More busy days. Before the holiday even came, I was hit with more crap. I was to meet some friends downtown for some food and shopping. I am at a light and sure enough, someone rear-ended my car. I just bought this car. It’s a new car. A beautiful blue 2017 civic. I love my car. I got it in May. Less than a year and someone hits my new car. We trade information. Awesome! This should be taken care of quickly and I can get my car fixed. Well, with the luck I already had, that didn’t happen. While I am waiting for the insurance to take care of my accident, I am graced with experiencing pipes freezing for the first time. Not something I wanted. I woke up to take a shower and nothing. Just a little trickle. I go to work and try to focus on it but I can’t. I am thinking about my car and now I am worried about the pipes. Are they frozen? Will they burst? I can’t do this. I can’t deal with all this shit.
I leave work early and decide to take the next day off. After a few hours of being home, the pipes unfroze and I was able to shower. Best shower ever. The year comes to an end. I have a couple friends over on new years. We drink and have fun. It was a moment to relax and not think about it all. But while I hang with friends and smile, I am still bummed about everything else. I have never felt like this before. I was getting depressed.
A few days into the new year, I change. I distant myself from all my friends. I avoided them at work. I didn’t hang out with them. I stuck to myself and sat at home alone. You ever push away everyone that cares about you? You sit there and stew over everything and try to handle everything alone? That is what I was doing. I tried so hard to do it alone. I wasn’t going to burden people with my issues. I am an adult and need to figure it out alone. I had so much on my plate.
The fire. The doctor bills. The pipes freezing. Constantly working and not having a moment to relax. Not saying I worked 24/7. I had days off but those days off should have been hanging with people and not sitting home alone with your head filled with so many ‘what if’ scenarios. I was a wreck. I was having panic attacks and my anxiety was getting worse. I was in a tailspin heading for disaster. I wanted something good to happen to me. I wanted the world to be on my side and not against me. Not sure what I did to deserve all this but if the world wanted to break someone, the world did it. I was a broken man with so much boiling inside me and not letting it out. Only a matter of time before I exploded.
I am still dealing with the car. The guy still hasn’t called his insurance company. I get a call one day from his company telling me my claim is being denied. His company tried reaching him by phone, email and by mail. They couldn’t reach him to get his side of the story. So with him not calling them, they denied my claim. I am now responsible for fixing my car with my own money. I go off on the phone, dropping more bad words. I felt bad and apologized to the guy but was irate. Why is this now my problem when I have done everything right? I called my people. I called his people. We traded information. I got an estimate for the damages. I did it all and now I am stuck with paying for something I shouldn’t have to.
I go to my insurance company’s website. The claim is closed. No one told me that. Why is my claim closed on my side? I sent an email to my insurance. I asked why the claim was closed. I asked why no one is returning my calls or replying to my emails. I just switched insurance companies. It saved me twenty bucks. I stated that I regret leaving my old company to save money. Told them it was a bad decision on my part because they are failing to do what they are meant to do. Help me when things like this happen. Sure enough, a few minutes after I sent the email, they call me.
They said there is nothing they can do. I can pay the deductible and I after they go after his company, I may or may not get my money back. I had one last option. I still had this guy’s phone number. I called him. No answer on his end so I left a message and said to call your agent by the end of the week or I will call my lawyer and I will see you in court. That night, I drank a bit much and since I had yet to hear from him, I left him a text message. I wasn’t rude or mean. I was polite. I said, “Did you get my voicemail?” He replied. he got the message and said he’ll call his people the next day. He did. Finally, after over a month, I was going to get my car fixed.
I take my car in on Monday the 15th to get a new estimate. I head to the shop and drop it off that day and get myself a rental. Things are moving forward with the car. A day later, I wake up early to have a cup of coffee and take a shower before work. No water comes out of the kitchen sink. ‘Not this again…’ I check the bathroom. No water in sink or shower. Even the toilet wouldn’t fill. I had no water in my house. Did a pipe burst cause that is what I thought. This was a Tuesday. I get to work. I was pissed. I am still a wreck and still broken. The world hates me and just likes to watch me suffer. Now, I am trying hard to stay focused at work. I don’t want people to know how broken I am. I have texted my friends and told them how I felt but that they couldn’t help and how I didn’t want their help. I wanted to do this alone. I knew that I wasn’t able to do it alone. I needed someone or something to keep me from feeling depressed. So I drank. I drink but when I say, I drank, I mean I drank a lot. I was drinking a 12 pack a night. Sometimes I would drink more than that. It was my routine. I would work, go home and drink till I passed out. Towards the end, I wasn’t eating. I didn’t eat for three days. So much stress and built up emotions, nothing was making me happy. I would rather be dead than deal with this anymore. Life was crap and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I am at work and all I could think about was the pipes. Did they burst? Remember how I said I was ignoring my friends and avoiding them? I ended up breaking down at work. I walked by some friends. They said, ‘hello‘ and I just kept walking. They yelled my name and said, “we love you!” I stopped. I tried so hard to not break down but I did. I just broke. I slid down to the floor and just bawled. I cried and let it all out. I was defeated. I was at a loss and had no idea what to do. I just wanted something good to happen.
I felt better. It was nice to let it out. All that anger and stress was just eating away at me. Letting it out was the first thing to recovery. I am still a bit bummed and depressed in some way but not like I was. Would I see a doctor? No. I don’t need to talk to a stranger about my issues. I don’t want them to keep having me come back to find the real issue at hand. I don’t want to be medicated. I don’t want any of that. I am stubborn at times and I jokingly tell people, “I don’t express my feelings cause I am Irish.” I know that the best thing I need and what I always needed, were my friends. I needed them during all that and I chose to ignore them.
Am I 100% better? No. I still stress about things and still hope for the world to balance itself out for me. I am hanging with my friends again. I am also taking a break from drinking. I am doing all I can to better myself and face this depression before it consumes me again. It’s been a hell of a ride for me. I have never felt that way before. I have never known how it feels to fully give up on everything. I am taking each day as it comes.
Thanks for reading.