02/2/12

Flash Mob

I am going to share something personal with you. I enjoy writing and have been writing for years. I can remember writing a story titled, Zombietown in third grade. I still have the story and still look at it every so often. That is the earliest documented story I have. It’s probably the moment I knew that I wanted to write. While I am not a famous writer or published, I still write. I have shared a few stories with you on here. I hope that you’ve read them or if not all of them, read at least one of them. My blog is all about me. I share a lot of information about my life. I am pretty open about it all. I am now going to share with you my newest challenge I am putting myself up against. It is all about writing. I said I wanted to write more this year and I will. I write everyday at work.

Continue reading

01/13/12

Dream About Meeting An Author

Had a strange dream just now. I just woke up and figured i better write it down before i forget it. Sorry if I skip around some. I’ts just after 6am and I literally just woke up and had to write this down. This is too good to not forget.

I had a board game of ‘The Human Centipede’ I wanted him to sign. We had a book. I don’t recall what book, or if it was ever mentioned. We (I say we cause there was four of us together) also had a large, red-sleeved dictionary too. We were planning on getting it all signed by horror master, Stephen King. We’re running around a park for no reason. I know it was a park cause of the trees and a statue. The four of us (There was four of us. I just don’t and can’t recall who the fourth was) were going crazy. I just remember us running around and screaming, “we’re gonna miss him!” We arrive at the building. He’s on the stage. He looks skinny. A little under weight. Possibly, cancer stricken with a virus eating away at him. While we are all excited to see him, it’s not him. I mean, it was Stephen King but he looked more like R.L. Stine. That is, if RL Stine was a buck-o-one and cancer stricken with a virus eating away at him. He is sitting there. A pen in his left hand. The sleeves on his black sweater are pushed up, revealing his arms. His arms are tiny and they are hairy. Not the whole arm. It was just centered on his wrist. From where I was sitting, his arms looked like they had tattoos but I can’t be positive. He has glasses that seem to be rolling off his nose. Never saw him push them up but as much as they would slide off his nose, they would magically go back to normal.

He doesn’t look very happy. You wouldn’t be either if you saw the kind of people in the crowd. It was full of no-faced people, the four of us, people who are there just to be there, and some stereo-typical redneck people. These rednecks were in three groups.

  • Group One: He was a gluttonous kid. He sang rhymes about my twig and berries, only minus the twig. Each verse to this rhyme resulted in me getting a knee to the groin. I was not liking this kid and was really getting tired of him.
  • Group Two: These were twin boys screaming about there cousin who starred in some movie with cousin, Lloyle. All they did was shout and scream. They egged on the groin-kicking kid at times.
  • Group Three: Not a group but another single redneck yokel. He was just there. Don’t recall him saying anything. I just remember that I was more concerned about trying to find out where I knew him from. He had thus face that looked like a movie star. Maybe not a movie star but a character from a movie. Never did figure out who he was. 

 So, we are all is building. It reminded me of my days in grade school when we would all pile in the gym to see a presentation. The whole ambiance of the building really did make me feel like I was 11 again. We’re sitting on the ground. Other people are standing. We are sitting though. We could stand. Not sure why we are sitting. Most people are standing. Actually, I think everyone but us were standing. No matter. We are in the front. We have the best seats in the house. There is no reason Stephen King will miss us. He’ll wave us up and we will leave with autographed keepsakes. Me and my ‘human centipede’ board game, my brother with a book, and my little sister be the only person with a signed copy of a, red-sleeved, Merriam-Webster Dictionary. He waves us up. Even him waving us to the stage looks like a boring job. He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to sign useless crap – like novels, magazines, or dictionaries. He sits in a chair. He is hidden behind an over-sized desk. Nothing on the desk but a pen holder. Standing next to him and the desk is a lady. She has no face, no name, and no reason being there except to be there.

My sister is waved up. We all were but we just sent her with everything. She is at the stage. Remember the groin-kicking fat kid? Well, he grabs me and starts another verse about kicking me in the balls. I am fed up at this point and I take my fist and punch him in the throat. I keep it there pushing harder and harder. I watch as his eyes begin to pop out. I say something witty to him. I know it was witty cause all good revenge and payback scenarios have the protagonist say one. The other yokels look at me but say nothing.

My sister is at stage. She hands him the dictionary. He screams about something and says he doesn’t do autographs. The crowd gasps and he says something else but couldn’t make it out. He sounded angry though. Next thing I know, I am up. I am back in my bed with no signed dictionary, there is no ‘human centipede’ board game, and my balls don’t hurt. The only thing going on was I had a few drinks before bed and nature was calling that very moment.

You know. Come to think of it, my description of him,

He looks skinny. A little under weight. Possibly, cancer stricken with a virus eating away at him. While we are all excited to see him, it’s not him. I mean, it was Stephen King but he looked more like R.L. Stine. That is, if RL Stine was a buck-o-one and cancer stricken with a virus eating away at him. He is sitting there. A pen in his left hand. The sleeves on his black sweater are pushed up, revealing his arms. His arms are tiny and they are hairy. Not the whole arm. It was just centered on his wrist. From where I was sitting, his arms looked like they had tattoos but I can’t be positive. He has glasses that seem to be rolling off his nose. Never saw him push them up but as much as they would slide off his nose, they would magically go back to normal.

sounds more like Steve Jobs. Now that I am awake, I have no clue who I met in my dream.

12/30/11

Bucket List 2012

The new year is drawing closer. This year has been nothing special. I did transfers stores. I still live with the zombie, the ghost, and now I live near a witch. I never completed a task I wanted to do this year. But that is okay. I am still writing but not writing enough. I don’t blog as much as I should. I wish I could go on say how this year was fantastic and I accomplished much but I didn’t. It was a boring year and with 2012 only a few days away, I am hoping to complete things I said I would. I even have some goals I would like to make. Below are some goals I have for 2012. It’s my bucket list of things to complete before 2013 arrives or if the Mayan’s are right about the end of the world, then I have till only December 21st to finish it. We survived the rapture once, we won’t do it again.

1) Write More.

If you read this blog or if you know me, then you probably know that I like to write. I am currently writing 2 stories at the moment and have 2 more on the back burner. They are all pretty good stories. I like to think all my stories are good. Even my book, Eden, was fantastic. It was finished many years ago but I never did anything with it. It needs to be heavily edited and tinkered with some. I still am pretty bothered by the ending but if I ever go back to it, I’ll revise it. You can read some of the book here or here.

Today, I had a fantastic idea about my current stories I am writing. None of the stories are about monsters or things that are made up. Each one is about the dark side of people and the scary things people deal with every day. I am writing 2 at the moment. I write one while I sit on break and the other is written at home. I thought today about having all these stories intertwine. Why not have people from one story show up in the other and vice versa? The only thing I have to fix in the story I am writing at home, is change the main characters name and add a few side stories about people from the story I a writing at work. I hope this isn’t confusing. I know this had been done before but I have never done it. I think this will be an excellent idea. It will be a great way for me to publish my work. Which leads me into my next item on my list.

2)Publish Something I Have Written.

With the idea I have about my current stories, this will be a fantastic way to try and sell more than just one story. I have been thinking about going the route of doing an ebook. I can sell it for about a dollar or two. I still have yet to think about a price but since I am not a famous writer, no one is going to run to amazon to buy my book. Sell it cheap. Why? Cause the first ebook I sell will have a few stories in it, plus one of the four I am planning on writing. You’ll  need to pick up the next ebook to see what happens next. That’s pure genius. I have plenty of stories I can send off places. There are a few on my site you can read. Even some poems you’re welcome to enjoy. Check them out here and let me know what you think of them.

Poem 1 Poem 2 Poem 3  Poem 4    Poem 5

3)Promotion.

I am still doing the same think I have been doing for 17 years. I am at a new store and getting in the training program to be a manager. Will it happen? I hope so. I just don’t know when. I would like it to be sometime next year. It’s time for me to stop playing second fiddle and be the man in charge. This promotion can and probably take me elsewhere. I don’t mind that. I am ready to move on. Believe me. After all the crap I went through a year earlier, I will take anything.

4)Move To A New State.

I have been saying this for years but I always seem to never go for it. Guess I like knowing that I am safe and aware of my surroundings. Packing up and moving is a scary thing. You’re in a new place and don’t know anyone. You have to relearn everything and find doctor’s, gas stations, places to eat, etc… But it’s something I want. If I was to ever get promoted and become a manager, I will be on the look out for a new city. I would even look for a new state. Being the new guy is nice. You can be whoever you want and no one would be the wiser. I tried that though. I tried that at my new store but I can’t be something I am not. I stuck with being the funny, everybody’s friend kind of guy. Still, the company I am at, everybody knows everybody.

5)Not To Die.

I am sure this is everyone’s list. My health is fine. Aside from my constant panic attacks and the smoking, I think I am doing pretty well. I just rather not die. If I do die, I want to kick some zombie ass. That would be nice.

6)Be Healthy.

If I don’t die, then being healthy is the way to go. I bought a bike a while ago but when I tried the first time to be healthy, all these problems started to happen. Now, I feel like I should go back and give it one more try. I want to quit smoking. I am aiming for the first of the year. I want to start riding my bike, and maybe follow in the steps of my sister and brother and try running. If I want to run or bike, I will need to stop smoking first. We’ll see on that one. I still suffer from the panic attacks which for a while, seemed to go away. I thought maybe it was work related. Eventually, the horrible feeling of dying came back. I am not going to the doctors. I rather not be medicated for the rest of my life. Guess the only one to blame about these attacks and letting them continue is my own fault. It’s not even the attacks that are affecting me now. I have been getting arthritis in my right hand. It comes and goes. Like the panic attacks, it’s another issue  I deal with. Not getting meds for that either. With all this crap slowing killing me, I wonder if I will ever go back to normal. I guess I can start with quitting smoking. Like I said, we’ll see if that happens.

7)Do Another Food/Drink Log For 2012.

I did it once already and know I can do it again. I still find myself snacking for too much. That isn’t an issue. I don’t gain weight. I can eat all I want and not worry about looking like a whale on the beach. I did the log last time for my own amusement. I am not looking into seeing if I should eat better. I already know I should. I won’t ever do that. Unless eating better means being healthier, then I guess I will have to start eating right. But who wants to take away those little things in life that make me happy? I will never stop eating junk food or stop off at fast food joints. I am too lazy to cook. Someone else can do it for me. Even if that person is some 14 year old, acne ridden kid just looking for some cash.

8)Survive The Zombie Apocalypse.

When 2012 happens, the world will end. We know that. When it does, we’ll be waging a war against zombies. I have plans to survive. I better survive. I can’t fire a gun but I know enough to last a while when they do rise and feast on our loved ones. Watch some zombie movies and you have your own guide to fend off the undead and help repopulate a world that is nothing but a giant wasteland.

9)Get Married And Have Kids.

Just kidding. I actually plan on avoiding this again. I don’t need a wife. I don’t need kids. I am sure I can do it. This is always on my list and I always seem to get this one checked off. 

 

There aren’t many things on my list. I am sure during the coming year, I’ll think of something I want to accomplish. I am not looking for  fame or fortune. Both be nice but I just want to complete the things I have listed above. I want to write more. I want to publish something. I want to get away from this state and go somewhere else. It all depends on my job and what and where it will lead me. I will go far. I will check off the items on this list. These are my goals for the year. I just have to get my act together and let myself know that I can do it and to stop looking at a glass half empty. 

 

09/22/11

Stick a fork in me, I’m done: Part III

Here comes the final part to this three part post. I began this trilogy with my hunt for a new job. I explained how the last week went. That second post more or less talked about the final day I had and how awful it turned out to be. This final post is to talk about the good times I had at the store. I had some great memories at that store. Even when I worked at another store, I had some amazing times. I had the honor to meet a man who wanted nothing more than to take me out for a delicious, deep dish pizza. I met a man who was off his medication one night and created a story I dubbed, “the helicopter story“. I remember having a cool whip fight one night. Once, a friend and I plastic wrapped a girls car. Oh boy, did she cry and cry. Someone else got the blame at first but we were finally caught. We had a good talking to and had a finger shake at us for quite a while.

Coming to the new store, you are never too sure about who you’ll meet and if they will accept you or even understand you. I like to think of myself as a pretty witty person. I can be vulgar and slap stick funny, but I prefer sticking to an old fashion pun. What can I say, I’m punny. I cannot talk about everything in this post. I will try to talk about some of the greatest times I had there and what I hope will make a lasting impression on some people. I hope that with me moving on, mannerism and inside jokes will keep going or keep going until all those that knew of me are gone.

1. Lesbian Vest Day (LVD)

I cannot go around calling it Lesbian Vest Day. That would get me in a whole heap of trouble. Instead, a few of us dubbed it LVD. It’s catchier. LVD was a Thursday event. Each Thursday, a friend and I would come to work in a vest. We started with just a black vest but eventually put some money towards getting each a red one. We were allowed to wear different color shirts each day. We call each other up Wednesday and we would plan the outfit. Sometimes we wore all black. Black shirt, black pants, black tie, and a black vest. Stylish. Too bad for the below photo, the red vests came out looking orange. No matter, the LVD was legendary. I wanted to bring it back but never did. Maybe one day. Maybe another day down the road this great fashion statement will arise and become a hit. LVD forever.

2. The Lunch Lady

When I worked at the other store, I wrote a short story called “The R Sisters”. It was nothing serious. It was never a story I was going to send out to publishers. It was just something silly I wanted to write. This story was based off of people I worked with. The newest story I wrote was “The Lunch Lady”. It was never completed but maybe it will be. Maybe I’ll finally have an ending. I mean, I did leave and all. So the finale can come about with everything I witnessed in those 6 1/2 years. The idea of the story was about Super Heroes. Two fractions. The Tidy Titans vs. The Bad Guy Brigade. They both wanted control of the city. If they wanted to win it all, they would need the help of The Lunch Lady. She was dubbed Horrendous Helmet. Stick in other people I work with. Toss in the Fantastic Four (smalls, protein, droopy, tats). These four were Hell bent on bringing everyone down. Smalls lived Proteins backpack. Call it childish. Call it unprofessional. Whatever. The story was great. I mean, these people should have been flattered to be in such a story. Maybe one day I will finish it. Till then, a little section from this epic adventure!

The bus ride took them on the normal route. It was the same route they took every year. It was a ten minute drive through some residential areas, then to the busy city that all the kids remember from last year. Not much has built up during the summer. Only thing new that they could see, was a small shop that was to open in a few weeks. “Ed’s Snow Globe Emporium: Coming Soon.” It used to be a laundry mat but not anymore. The laundry mat closed up that summer. It went broke. The owner was pretty cool with letting his employees take money out of the register. It was called an “iou” but his people never paid him back. Ironically, Ed worked there. What was even stranger is the day after the laundry mat closed; Ed put up a down payment and bought the place. Now, I know this story can’t get any stranger but it does. The laundry mat lost with all its “iou’s” a total of 50,000 dollars. And how much did Ed front for the building? He dropped 49,999. He needed that extra dollar for a Pepsi. It was buy one get free. Plus those caps, he just doubled his chances of getting a free one.

3. Captain Planet Dances.

Yeah. Dancing With The Stars? Eat your heart out. I guess he’s a big star back home with his own personal dance. Honestly, people don’t have moves like he does.

 

kk

4. The Smoker

If I were to scream, “ahhhh…..2”, you’ll have no idea what the hell I am talking about. But to those that I worked with, they will fully understand it. I fibbed on how this came to be. He didn’t scream the number 2. He screamed the number 3. It sounds funnier and easier to say. Screaming, “ahhhh……3” is too hard. If just waddling around screaming, ‘ahhh’ is a riot. You had to work with this man to fully understand half the crap I come up with. He was quite a character. Someone I know said he was an adult Cartman. I can see it. It’s sad that I am going to miss him. He would give me headaches half the time I worked with him. I guess without him, I might have nothing to talk about. Believe me, I got some of my best material cause of him.

 

5. The Peeps.

I worked with some pretty colorful people. I worked with a half Mexican/half Chinese gal. The laziest genius I know. (that was a pretty stereotypical joke right there.) I will miss getting grinded on. There have been so many times where I was groped where I could have called for an adult but I didn’t. For being a guy with a slight case of OCD, I sure don’t mind the occasional hands on experience. I did offer hand shakes and hugs when I left. I just don’t like being touched. Such a uneasy moment that day. Oh, and I saw you when she all over me. You can eff off. I know you’re glad I am gone. Believe me, I’m glad too. I at least don’t have to deal with your face and criticism anymore. I don’t even know why I speak of you. You left a bad taste in my mouth. (that’s what she said.)

I’ll never get to learn how to scuba dive. I had my chance but now that I am gone, who will teach me? Plus, she was gonna let me wear her own earmuffs. Can’t ever go wrong with earmuffs. Every morning, I would scream at her asking where my coffee was. Who will get me my coffee now? I can’t go around asking people for coffee like I would ask her. That’s just calling for trouble.

Other things I will remember for a while,

the hairy big toe.

“You trippin’!”

“I want biscuit and gravy. Yes! Gravy.”

“You got that!?”

“I got attacked by a pitbull.”

“Dirk?”

“Avacado!”

“It’s funny!”

“The customers called me at home.”

“I got hit by a steering wheel.”

“Durka Durka”

“147…..1….4…..7!”

“It was Bethany and Michael’s fault.”

“Really? Really!?”

Being chased by someone with a lobster.

Ray’s missing finger and the high fours I gave him.

Ice Cream Paint Job.

“OoooO……”

“Stupid foreigner!”

“You gonna help with the twuck?”

Victor’s fake baby.

The witch.

The Virgin Butterfly.

“Kirkels!? Kirkels!? Thats’ not my name! OMG! I’ve called you that since day one!”

“Do.”

“(clear throat) Bitch.”

“You going to the back?”

While there is probably dozens more things I can include in this post, I can’t go on forever. I will miss many people from that store. I will miss the good times we had. Since I will not be around to amuse you at work, I promise to get back to work on the comics. Promise. I’ll be seeing you all whenever I can. Until we meet again, SUCK ONE!

06/15/11

Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen: The Sims Online Version

This is something I put together long ago. It was during my Sims Online days. Those days are long gone. The times I had there were amazing. I don’t remember why I wrote this. I know it was long before my old website was up and running. It was well before I brought “Shoo Doggie Shoo” into the public eye. (as a side note: I am thinking of actually getting back to work and create the sequel to the Shoo Doggie Shoo movie I said I would but never did) I am posting an entry I put up on the old Sims Stratics Forums. If you know the song, “Everybody’s Free To Wear Sunscreen” then you’ll get it. If you played “The Sims Online”, you’ll get it even more. If you don’t know either then you’re SOL.

 

Ladies and gentlemen of sims stratics central. Keep posting.

If I could offer you only one tip for stratics, posting would be it.

A long term benefit of posting has been proved by moderators,

Where the rest of my advice, has no basis more reliable than own meandering posts.

I will post my reply now.

Enjoy the Simply Fun section on stratics, well nevermind.

You will not understand the fun of posting and replying,

Until your perabanned.

But trust me, in two weeks you’ll look back at all the threads you started,

And recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility you had when you could post and reply to the threads you liked.

You are not as hated as you think.

Don’t worrying about being PM’ed…

Or worry, but know that worrying..is as effective as trying to argue with AJ Downs while knowing he’s right.

But the real troubles on sims stratics central, is from all the flammers and all those trollers .The kind that try to put down the game or claim the game is closing.

Do one post every day, that means something to you.

REPLY!

Don’t be reckless with other people’s posts.

Don’t put up with posters who tend to derail yours.

QUOTE!

Don’t waste your time with cutting and pasting…

Sometimes it works,

Sometimes it don’t.

The thread gets locked.

And it the end,

We see a dancing lock.

Remember the Kari post…

Beat a man with a stick.

If you run away from him,

Post it here.

Keep your friends bookmarked.

Block all the folks you hate.

REFRESH!

Don’t feel guilty if you see don’t see any replies.

The most dedicated posters i know don’t ever get any replies to the threads they started.

And some of the most well known stratics posters i know, don’t ever.

Be nice to Moderators. Follow the ROC’s. You’ll get a PM if you don’t.

Maybe you’ll leave,

Maybe you won’t.

Maybe you’ll get banned…

Maybe you won’t.

Maybe you’ll leave for the 20th time,

Maybe you’ll post a TSO quitting thread for all to see.

Whatever you do, don’t quit and come back…or make others quit….newbies have weak minds.

So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy the forums.

Post in all the sections.

Don’t be afraid of it.

Or what other people might reply.

It’s the greatest tool for all of tso.

SPAM!

If you have nowhere to do it but in your own city…

read the ROC’s….if you even don’t understand them.

DO NOT BUMP OLD THREADS…

IT ONLY MAKES THE MODS PISSY.

POLLY AND KELLOG,

TOGETHER TO MODS THE BOARDS…

TRISH AND THE OTHERS, CAN KEEP US IN CHECK TOO….

I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN POSTING BUT I WILL BE WAITING TO REPLY TO YOU…

AND I’LL BE THERE….JUST POSTING AWAY…

TO RACK UP MY POST COUNT.

Get to know the moderators.

You’ll never know when they’ll ban you for good.

Be nice to your fellow posters.

They are your best link to the game…

And the people most likely to skill with you in game.

Understand that players join and quit.

But with a precious few you should hold on.

Whore friends or random people you don’t know to make top 100, for as the older your sim gets.,

The more locks you’ll acquire and skills you’ll lock.

Live in Mount Fuji once,.

But leave before you get scammed.

Live in Interhogan once,

But leave before you get reported.

SIM MOVE!

Accept certain inalienable truths.

Numbers will follow,

Friendship list will poof.

And houses can’t move.

And when you do,

You’ll fantasize that before the move,

Numbers did not’ follow.

Friendship webs stayed.

And houses were mobile.

Respect other houses.

Don’t expect BOTS to support you.

Maybe you have a 2nd account,

Maybe you even have three more..

But you never know when either accounts will end.

Don’t mess too much with your name,

Or by time your done sim moving,

No one will even know who you are.

Be careful of who’s pink poodle you buy.

And, be leery of those who are selling.

Common sense is a thing we all have,

Using it, is a way for you to avoid getting scammed, wiping your account,

And then running to the boards,

To post and cry about the one who did it.

But trust me… on the posting.

POLLY AND KELLOG,

TOGETHER TO MODS THE BOARDS…

TRISH AND THE OTHERS, CAN KEEP US IN CHECK TOO….

I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN POSTING BUT I WILL BE WAITING TO REPLY TO YOU…

AND I’LL BE THERE….JUST POSTING AWAY…

TO RACK UP MY POST COUNT.

YEAHH….EVERYBODY’S POSTING….

YEAHH….EVERYBODY’S POSTING….

YEAHH….EVERYBODY’S POSTING….