08/14/13
ROOMMATE Agreement

My Roommate Agreement: Part 1

People like to compare me to the character on that semi-funny show, The Big Bang Theory. They like to say that I am a lot like Sheldon Cooper but from the bits and pieces of the that show I have seen, I don’t agree. But no matter. I can handle people comparing me to him but I cannot handle being called a certain name. If I were to say anything about Mr. Cooper and similarities between him and I, I would go with the extensive roommate agreement he had that dude from Roseanne sign. I have my own rules to being a roommate. I have rules to people being my wife. I have many rules for being my wife. I’ll link you to those later. For now, I want to share with you a collection of some of the rules a roommate must follow when they decide to live with me. If you don’t like these rules then I suggest you never get the idea in your head about you and I sharing a place together. It will never happen.

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05/8/13
Housework Rules

Rules To Being My Wife: Part IV

It’s been a while since I have bestowed upon you, the kind people who visit my blog, the importance of marriage and how I think a marriage should be. I am not an expert in marriage and I don’t know the first thing about it. I say often that I will never get married and I will never plant my seed inside her and bring a little version of me into this crazy and violent world but, I sort of want to get married. Shocking, isn’t? I do want a wife to be there and carry a little me for 9 months. Hopefully it’s a little boy cause if I had a little girl, all my knowledge of being a boy will be of no use. If the time ever comes that I do get married and she accepts my peace-offering, she will need to be fully aware that marriage isn’t just cuddling and talking about nothingness. It’s about being there for me and doing what is right, which is whatever I say. Don’t sass me. I am man. I am husband. I am law. Women’s rights are just as silly as creationism.

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08/23/12
perfect2

Why I Am Better Than You.

The title says it all. I don’t want to burst your bubble and void everything your mommy and daddy told you. The truth needs to come out. I need to be direct with you common people and finally explain why I am better than you. Am I being funny? Maybe. Is this true and based on fact and not just my opinion? No. If that were true then the title of this post would be, Why I think I am better than you. It clearly states that I am better than you and there is no sense in trying to think otherwise. You mean nothing to me and if you want to matter in this crazy world, I suggest you stop being you and be me. Unfortunately, that there is impossible. Tough luck. Have fun being you.

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07/31/12
Woman Crying

Rules To Being My Wife: III

I have no desire to get married at this time. Maybe later I will. Maybe if I find a cheap and willing lady I will get married. But I will never find one, at least one that is willing. It’s been a while since I’ve been on those Russian bride sites. When I do get married and my wife is purchased for a few bucks, I will be enforcing a few set of rules. She better follow them. She will be my wife. She’ll be my property. I paid good money for her and I am not taking my chances if the thing doesn’t come with a 30 day money back guarantee.

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01/6/12
emptyfridge

Cooking For One

It may come to a shock to those that don’t know me but I am single. I know, right? An old chap like me is still sitting at home, twiddling his thumbs looking for escorts singles in my area. I am cool with it. I have no desire to breed or get married. Getting a girlfriend leads to issues about money, how fat she really is, and the annoying question of ‘is she prettier than me‘. Don’t say anything. Even if the gal is hotter, keep you’re mouth closed. Cause once you do, you’ll never get a word in the rest of the night. That my friends. That is why I am single. Plus, do you think a woman will follow my simple rules to being my wife?

Set of Rules 1

Set of Rules 2

So I am a bachelor. I live alone. Living alone has many advantages. I can be messy and have no roommate of female to question it. If I leave a plate in the sink, I’ll get to it when I want to get to it. I am not going to wash it cause you have company coming over. The bed is never mad. The TV is always available for me and never do I have to sit through a crappy show like “Grey’s Anatomy“.  There are endless benefits to being a single guy. But there is always another side. Where there’s a ying, there is a yang. Folks, here is the biggest issue when you live alone.

Food.

Oh, how I love food. I do. I will eat it up. My blog was going to be all about food but I moved away from that and just talk about whatever comes to mind. I did keep track of what I ate for the year of 2010. I am going to do it again this year. I will log all the food I eat and everything I drink. If you look at it, you’ll notice that I rarely ate at home. It’s just a hard thing to do. It’s hard to cook for one person. You always have left overs. If I feel like it, I will stuff my face full of food and eat every last bit of what I cooked. No worries. I don’t gain weight. I can eat whatever I want. It’s a gift and a curse.  Tonight I made some beef and noodles. It was delicious. You can’t measure servings for one person. I made enough for 4. I ate half. I still have some in the fridge. I’ll eat it tomorrow.

This is the issue I have. This is what I deal with. It was a good meal. I just don’t like having leftovers. I have a weird thing against it. I will eat it. I just prefer food to be hot. To be fresh. To be as fresh as it can be. I rarely have leftover cause I rarely have food in my fridge. I have beer. I have soda. I may have butter and eggs. I got the essentials. I just can’t open my fridge and grab something out to make for dinner. I grab fast food more than anything. I should eat healthier but I probably won’t. My health and eating habits is not what I am talking about here. I just want to let couples and families know that while you struggle with family life, we (the bachelors) have to struggle with making a meal for one. We will never get it down. We’ll always be stuck with a bowl of leftovers in our fridge. If there were only a way to fix this.