12/7/13

I have an issue with texting.

I have an issue with texting. I am not saying I don’t text. I do text. I text a lot but nothing compared to the amount of texting a teenage girl will do. My issue with texting is on the same level with the people who don’t put their phone down when you’re trying to assist them. I mentioned that before. You can read about my anger over people being rude when they talk on their cellphones when you’re serving them. It’s more of a customer service thing but even under the circumstances of having a conversation with a friend, that too irks me. We’re hanging out. Put the damn phone down and let’s chill. I didn’t waste my time driving over to your place to sit here while you talk to someone else via text. My issue with texting is the poor use of grammar. I want to have a conversation with you but I cannot ignore the fact that when we’re texting, you’re using texting lingo and or, leaving out words just to save time on texting.

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05/12/13

Playing In Traffic

I shouldn’t really post this today. I mean, it is mother’s day and it is the day that kids should hug their mom and tell her how much she means to them. But, I can’t stay silent about this. I cannot just sweep this matter under the rug and pretend that is doesn’t happen. I need to voice my opinion and bring to light this epidemic that is plaguing this country. If I don’t speak up, no one will. I will be the voice of the people and be the one to finally bring an end to this rambunctious antics of the wee little trolls we call, children.

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05/4/13

An Open Letter To The People Who Drive On 152 Highway

I feel I need to address an issue that needs to come to light. I feel that what I will discuss may upset some people but I am okay with that. Words hurt. Sometimes it’s important to lash out and finally express yourself about what is eating you up inside. So, if you are a driver on 152 highway or if you have ever driven on said highway, this letter is to you. I should note something. While I too am a driver on this stretch of highway in the state of Misery, I am not included in anything I mention below. Thank you.

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04/29/13

How not to make an example

I don’t have kids. I am already dead set that I will never populate the Earth with any offspring. The discussion of why I won’t get married or have a litter of little Kirk’s running around isn’t important. I am sure I have talked at great lengths about why I won’t. I brought up the topic of kids because it serves a point to the topic I am about to discuss. Even if you don’t have kids, you can still make your point. You don’t even have to resort to using children in your plan to make a point, even if the point is unimportant and a pathetic attempt and trying to come off as superior than others. If you want to make a point about something, I suggest you don’t do anything stupid.

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04/23/13

She’s looking to replace her son

The Good SonI come from a large family and we always question who our mom loves the most. We’ll give her awful and bizarre circumstances that put two of us at the hands of her. She’ll have to save one and let the other perish, sort of like the ending to¬†The Good Son, which is the second greatest Culkin movie other. If you don’t know the scene I am talking about, watch the ending to the movie and see which son she saves.

That is a huge weight to put on the shoulders of your mother. If my mother had to choose, I would hope she wouldn’t let me go. I mean, I am a pretty amazing kid. I have a vast database of corny jokes which are amaizing. Who else will she get to work on the crossword puzzle? No one. That’s right. Without me, she’ll never solve 21 across. But if my mother ever gets to the point of not wanting me as a son anymore I have a fall back plan. I have another person who will take me in and claim me as her own. This woman will be my new mom if the mother I have now decides to drop me like I dropped smoking and moved on like I was nothing but a passing phase, like the Harlem Shake.

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