07/27/10

Deal With The Devil: The Fall Of The Lazy Laundriers

You all know the tale of the Lazy Laundriers. These two wretched people were a burden on my existence. A few days ago, I was outside smoking when I noticed the LL’s car door was ajar. (when is a Moving Truckdoor not a door? When it’s ajar). I could have been the kind neighbor and relayed the message to them but I didn’t. Before the angel on my right (or is it left) shoulder could tell me to tell them, the male LL came out of the apartment with a box. First thing I thought of was, “Holy Laundry, Batman! They’re moving!” He packed the box, closed the door, and went back indoors. Moments later, he returned to the car with yet another box. The angels were singing, God was smiling on me that day. A dream I had since the first day these two came a part of my life was finally coming true. I wonder why they moved out? There could be many reasons. Maybe their lease was up. Maybe they were evicted for not paying rent. Or maybe it was something else. And I know why.

Claudia.

I have been frustrated with these two with their laziness on washing and drying their clothes. I understand I could have avoided this situation if I just removed the clothes. But you need to understand that I cannot touch their clothes. Who knows what foul things are growing on them. I don’t believe these two were trash. I just think they were dirty. Very, very dirty. I haven’t been attacked or visited by Claudia for some time. I don’t know why that is. Until now. Once I discovered Claudia’s presence, I was tortured by her. She would come to me in my sleep. Claudia would scratch at the walls. She was in cahoots with the Ghost of Carlos. Claudia is a dead zombie wife. She listened to my conversations. She was aware of everything I did. She knows my deepest secrets. She knows my daily routines. If I did it, Claudia knew. I assume (and this is only an assumption) that she felt the pain I was suffering with the Lazy Laundriers. With all my whining and the days I went to bed, crying myself to sleep, she felt maybe pity on me. I hate to think that I made a deal with the devil but with the event that took place just days ago, I think I may have. Claudia might not be the devil but with her being the undead and her being a ghoulish tormentor, you can bet your sweet ace she has the devil on speed dial.

I fear Claudia. I do not know what this creature is capable of. I do not know what powers she has. I know she’s dead. I know she’s a zombie and I know she’s (was) a wife. But what other powers does she have? With her absence from my abode, did she crawl her way over to the Lazy Laundriers apartment? Could that be the reason why I haven’t seen or heard her for some time? Maybe these two were slacking on the laundry because they were battling her but that doesn’t explain why they slacked before hand. Before she tormented them. Their will was weak. They were not aware of the story about Claudia. Maybe the clawing was too much. Remember how I said I heard knocking on the walls? That wasn’t just a one time thing. I have heard it multiple times. Maybe they were trying to scare her away by knocking on the walls. Silly, rabbit. Knocking is not going to get rid of her. I don’t know how. If I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you. Did Claudia sneak away from me and go about and make their lives hell?

It’s a lot to take in. If this is true and Claudia did haunt them, I am afraid to admit it was because of me. I am now attached to this apartment. I am now a part of the story, the legend of the Claudia and Richard. If I was to leave, I could turn their undead world upside down. I know far too much. But now, with the power of the internet, the world or just the select few that read this blog now know about it. No Pet They don’t allow pets at my apartment. If I had a dog, I would have known about Claudia from the get go and I wouldn’t be here at this complex, or at least in this apartment.  Then again, there was a time a month or so ago when the police came by with dogs to search all apartments. They said they were looking for drugs. But I know the real reason. They were looking for something not of this world. Oddly enough, they never came by my apartment. Makes me wonder…

Claudia couldn’t have that. She has to keep me here. Why? I am still trying to figure that out. I doubt the landlord would let me leave just because of the laundry issue. I can’t even bring up how there is a zombie living in my walls. For all I know, they could already know about it. Did you know that they don’t allow pets in my complex? Is that a new rule or was it started from the get go? Let’s pretend if was a newly enforced rule. I know children are highly aware of spirits. Even the animal world succumb to the affairs of the spirit world. Maybe the landlord knew about the murder of Claudia. Maybe they knew she haunted my place. They couldn’t have tenants leaving all willy nilly. Put a no pet policy in the clause.

For the few short weeks I was left alone from Claudia, my life was bliss. I shouldn’t really say it was bliss. I was still dealing with the laundry fiasco. Granted, the laundry issue is a far cry from a dead zombie haunting me. I’d rather deal with moldy clothes and lazy people over Claudia any day. She was ruthless to them. She was never that cruel to me. But she dealt everything she had on to the LL’s. Each day I complained. I would announce my hatred for them on @twitter or on facebook. I even blogged before about them and what a-holes they were for not completing a load of laundry in a timely manner. Claudia was fearing that sooner or later I would leave. She couldn’t have that. I even wrote on facebook that I wish I could send Claudia over to their place to run them out. Maybe it was a coincidence, but after that was posted, the Lazy Laundriers were packing up. None of this makes sense. Was that the final straw? Did the finally grow tired of Claudia and pack up? Did Claudia give them a final scare to finally get them out?

I feel like I am not making much sense. I am jumping all over the place. But the fact of the matter is, Claudia is the reason they left. I am the reason she did what she did. Maybe she started small. Maybe she stopped over at their place every so often to terrorize them. Whatever it was, I made a pact with the devil. The Lazy Laundriers are now gone. It now worries me about what is in store for me? Am I going to burn in hell for all eternity for sending Claudia over to them to do a job I was chicken s**t to do? What about the future tenant? Is there a bigger picture I am not aware of? Do Claudia’s powers reach further than just the walls of my apartment? I am a guy who likes to think ahead on many of things. Maybe the laundry issue was just a cover up. Maybe they were slacking on the laundry because she was already tormenting them. This could have been a project in the works for some time. The first time they slacked on washing and drying their clothes was not because they were lazy but because Claudia was already haunting them. They were trying to deal with her and wash clothes. Not to mention, take care of a child. It was too much to handle. They chose taking care of their child and dealing with Claudia than washing/drying their clothes. With them not washing their clothes, Claudia knew it was going to anger me. I already said she listens to me and knows my secrets and my lifestyle. She knows I am a neat freak. With them not washing their clothes, it was going to drive me nuts. But she couldn’t get them out all her own. She needed a person with a soul to get her to.

I could be wrong but maybe this was Claudia’s way of getting out and finding her way to the light. She couldn’t do it without me. Once I wished for her to haunt them, I opened up something that I can not fathom. I gave her the right to finally unleash hell on them. There are two possibilities. One, Claudia is now gone. She found the light and she is free to spend the afterlife in heaven or hell and I am free from her torment. Or, she is still here. She wanted the Lazy Laundriers gone for one reason. To bring in a new tenant. But who is this tenant? What connection do they have with her? Could the devil end up being my new neighbor? If so, I’ll never know. The devil has a pretty face. It’s not socially acceptable to go up to people and ask, “are you the devil?” I already sold my soul to the devil to rid me from the LL’s. Maybe he’s coming to collect. Nowhere in the leasing agreement did I agree to pay rent with my soul. Hell

This is too much to take in. I am happy the Lazy Laundriers are gone but I fear what is to come. I do wish that Claudia is finally gone but I don’t think she is. I have come to play an important part in her life now. She may be aware of everything I do but I am clueless as to what she is up to. Once the new tenant moves in, you can be sure I’ll be watching them like a hawk. Should I try to be friendly with them? Do I ignore them and pretend that they don’t exist? If I welcome them with open arms, I am just letting them into my life and that is what Claudia wants. I just wish I knew what she wants from me. Why am I so important to her? If she was wanting me to stay all along, then why scare me? Was her coming to me in my dreams a warning? So many questions…

Guess I won’t know till the new tenants move in. I promise that once they move in, I will let you know. I am a lost cause. My soul is now property of the devil. I wanted the Lazy Laundriers out. She fulfilled my wish. I am now in debt to her and to the devil. Is there a way to get my soul back? If you know, let me know. I may not be a religious person. I might not believe in heaven or hell but if these places do exist, I rather not spend my life in a room with no air conditioning.

07/22/10

The Lazy Laundriers

Washer And DryerI cannot stress enough how much these two give me rage. I was really excited when I was told I had a washer and dryer in my apartment. It beats using a community laundry room. Not to mention, I am not dropping quarters every time I need to wash and dry my clothes. Now the washer and dryer isn’t in my actual apartment. It is in a joining room I share with the people next door. When we they need to do laundry, there is a light switch we flip on. If you don’t flip it, you’ll have no power and turning on the washer or dryer will be useless. We have a water switch as well. Thankfully, these two have enough respect to not use my water. I am aware there are other tenants that don’t respect the water issue and steal water from others. I do mean steal. We pay for water.

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07/12/10

Carlos Visited Me

I have lived in a few different apartments. I have had my share of misfortunes. I’ve had the crappy neighbors. I’ve had a spider infestations. I’ve been robbed. All that is nothing compared to the hell I am going through now. I live above an asshole of a man named, Carlos. He’s stubborn as a mule. I joked that he was a ghost. I said how the Dead Zombie Wife murdered him one night. I have yet to ever meet this man. I have lived here for 4 months. In these 4 short months, I still haven’t seen him. Not even once. It only leads me to believe that he really is a ghost. I already know Claudia (Dead Zombie Wife) is real. I’ve heard her a few times and even had her visit me once in my dreams.

I have never seen a ghost. I claim I did once twice but thinking about it now, it was probably just my imagination.

It was Halloween night one year. I was young. I’d say 12. I woke up one night. No reason why I woke up. I just did. I slept on a bunk bed. As I was climbing off the bed, I gazed out the window. At that exact moment, I saw something float by the window. It was transparent. My mother told me it was probably neighborhood kids fooling around. But if that were true, how would they have known I was going to wake up at that exact time? Maybe I was not fully awake. Maybe my eyes were still getting adjusted. Whatever it was, I swore I saw a ghost that night. But now, I don’t. It was just my imagination running wild.

The second time isn’t really a ghost story but it still scared the s**t out of me. I left the house one early morning for work. My mother’s car was in the driveway. My car was in the street. I took a look at my moms car. I saw what looked like a black silhouette of a tall lanky man leaning against her car. It was out of the corner of my eye. I focused on my car and thought, “did I just see that?” I glanced back at her car and nothing was there. Just my imagination I bet. Still, who knows. There is plenty of things out there in the world that we cannot and will not ever explain.

I haven’t been visited by Claudia for a while. I still hear her every so often. I don’t know why this woman terrorizes me. I did nothing to her. I just ended up living in the place she once lived. But, now we come to Carlos. He did die (murdered) in my apartment. Maybe his ghost wanders the fourplex. He already haunts the place below me. Is he married? I don’t know. I have yet to ever see a woman nor have I ever heard one. I don’t even hear him. I just hear the children. (Ghost children are the scariest. Let’s just hope they aren’t ghost. I won’t be able to handle that). I feel like he’s now out to get me. Maybe not murder me but he’s out to make my life hell. He wants me out. He must still have a thing for Claudia. These two must believe my apartment is hers. I am sorry, Carlos. But Claudia is dead and gone. She may be a zombie living in my walls. She may be after my brains.

Re Your Brains

But she doesn’t pay rent. She doesn’t clean. She just creeps out of the wall on occasions and does all she can to scare the hell out of me. Are these two damned souls in cahoots? Are they taking turns to scare me away from this place? I am now certain they are. It was a normal afternoon. I was just putting my clothes away. I have a stereo sitting on my dresser. It is always off. I have turned it on maybe 3 times. I am normally listening to music through my headphones. The ghost of Carlos isn’t too fond of my Carlos hates my music. I even played a song I thought he would like but no. He hated that too. I am putting my clothes away. I am jamming away to some music. I got a cold chill. It isn’t unusual for me to get them. I get them quite frequently. The room didn’t get cold. There was no eerie sounds or voices in the room (actually there may have been. I had my headphones on. So maybe there were voices). The current song I was listening to was coming to an end. I was shocked to hear another song playing. I had to stop for a second and look around. “Where the heck is that coming from?” Turns out, the stereo I never use, the stereo that is always off, was playing music (what song started playing?), You may question me about it. You may think I hit to remote by accident. Maybe I hit ‘play’ by mistake. Neither one happened. One, I lost the remote. Secondly, if I did hit a button, I would have had to hit two buttons. One to turn it on and the second to play the CD.

I stopped the CD. And no lie but I called out, “hello!?” No one answered. I checked behind the dresser if maybe the cord was loose and somehow I pushed it back in when I closed a drawer. Maybe the song I was listening to started the CD up. Not the actual song but my phone. Maybe some electric waves went awry and triggered the stereo to boot up. I tried to recreate it. I waved the phone in front of the stereo. Nothing. I walked around my apartment to see maybe there was some sign, something that will give me an answer to what just happened.  My heart was racing. I did feel like there was someone in my apartment with me. But I found nothing. Only logical answer there is,

“Ghost of Carlos” turned it on.

This is becoming an unholy place to live. I can deal with the LL. I have no beef with Needle Nancy and Tramp Stamp. They are alive. I have seen and spoken to them both. They are just a nuisance. Could I be wrong about Richard? What if he never did leave? What if Claudia got to him first and he’s somewhere in my apartment. Could it be possible that I may be troubled by not two but three spirits? Was it Richard that turned on the music? Was it ‘The Ghost of Carlos’?  Has Carlos ventured out from his apartment to now haunt mine? Why now? Why not when I first moved in? Why play music? He hates my music. Could he have been trying to get a noise complaint on me? Far fetched but you never know.

Why must I be the victim to these unruly spirits? I can handle DZW. She doesn’t harm me. She bugs the crap out of me but that’s all. I shouldn’t jinx myself. Who knows what these two people are up to. I haven’t heard Carlos today. I haven’t heard Claudia either. I have heard pounding on my walls the last few days. I assume it’s the Lazy Laundriers knocking boots but upon my inspection once, there was no car out front. Leads me to believe it was Claudia or someone in the LL is unfaithful to the other.

I will keep you posted if anymore odd things begin to happen to me. Please if you know someone who can exorcise a demon, ghost, or a zombie, please let me know. I rather not fall victim to these two creatures. Thank you,

Boogedy, Boogedy, Boo!