06/18/09

Ketchup.

I love ketchup. I think it has to be the greatest condiment ever created. They are great with onion rings, tator tots, and fries. I should rephrase that and say, when I used to eat fries, ketchup went great with it. I lost my taste for fries. That’ll be for another day. Anyway, so like I was saying. Ketchup is magical. I was at work a few days ago and a woman called about placing an order for some food. It was a birthday party for kids. She plans on getting hot dogs and burgers. I inquired about condiments. I figured they’ll want ketchup and relish. (not a fan of relish but I know kids like it) She said not to forget the mustard. I despise mustard. I think it’s horrible. I can’t explain the taste. I want to say burnt but that’s not what it taste like. I won’t even do honey mustard. She commented that she loves mustard and that her husband loves ketchup! The story doesn’t end there. Oh, no. She says, “He puts it on his steak.” Now, I can’t codemned the man for doing that. I did it when I was little. I grew up and now I like A1 or any type of steak sauce.

To not make this man out to be some freak, I like ketchup on my ham. When it’s Easter or Christmas, or anytime we have ham, I’ll pour ketchup right on it. It’s just something I do. I get looks and people turn up their noses at me when they see me put ketchup on my ham. Eff you, people. I work with food and I have been asked some weird requests. I’ll share those later.

What are you suppose to put on ham? I know it has brown sugar and pineapple and cloves, but what do you dip it in? Meatloaf has ketchup. Steak has its own sauce. Chicken is universal. You can put just about anything on it. Pork is smothered in gravy, or if I was eating it, I’ll dip it in an apple glaze.

I remember when they brought out the green ketchup. That was different. It was ketchup. It didn’t taste different. I think I got it once. I mean, you had to. If someone asked about it, you can say with confidence, “Yeah, I tried it!” I did. It was just green. I am shocked that I did try it. I have such a strong passion for ketchup, I fear it being green. It’s not right. It shouldn’t be green. Some things shouldn’t be different colors or shapes. Keep it red. It’s a great color. Unless tomatoes were green, then yeah, okay. I can see ketchup being green. It’ll ruin the flow of the hot dog though. Too much green! So then you’ll need to make the mustard red and color the relish yellow.

It’s tough being me. I can’t enjoy food without there being certain obligations with it.

Sorry about not posting often. I got caught up in other things. I will try to keep posting more frequently.

Till next time,

Kirk

06/10/09

Dinner Wasn’t So Hot.

Maybe my sister just shouldn’t cook. First off, she made the fajitas the other day and even though they were acceptable, the peppers made it below par. Today, she took a crack at chili. Eff me! That was not chili. There was no spice. There wasn’t any life to it at all.

Her chili was kind of like the ugly/fat friend that all girls have. You know what it is. Four gals go out for drinks and games of bad judgement. Three of them are smokin’ hot. Taking all day to get themselves ready. You know that when you see them and when you know the time they spent getting ready, you’ll be satisfied. Then you have the other gal. The fat/ugly friend. She’s the one who spent 1o minutes getting ready and tossed on some cheap perfume or wal-mart/target style clothes. It might look like she’s good and hot, but she nothing more than just an off the shelf can of chili, claiming to be like the real thing.

If she was going to make chili, she would have had to start for hours prior to serving it. My mom makes amazing chili. She spends all day cooking it!  Did my sister just use canned chili? I want home made chili. I want the three pounds of cheese to cover it, dip the saltine crackers in it and know, that in a few short hours, I will regret even taking a bite. I don’t want you to think I hate chili. I love it. I love my moms chilis and I think it’s either Outback Steakhouse or Longhorn. One of those two have good chili.

To be picky, I can’t do chili dogs. I find them repulsive. Not to mention, messy. I am simple when it comes to hot dogs. I like it with just ketchup. Don’t top it with onions, relish, mustard, peppers, cheese, etc… Just a nice squirt of ketchup and you got a happy guy.

In closing, my sister cannot make chili. Or fajitas. I better not gripe too much. She cooks dinner more than I do. I brown bag it.