06/22/09

The Green Bean

WTF?

I cannot and will not eat this vegetable. Everyone and their mom love it but me. I don’t think I’ve met another person who hates them. My sister is crazy about them. My mom would make this dish for us for dinner. It was meatball stroganoff..I think. She might call it something else. Goulash isn’t goulash to her. It’s, “Hamburger Italiano”. She corrects me if I call it goulash. Back to the point about the anti-Christ.

Her stroganoff needs green beans and it’s never just a handful. It’s like 8 pounds of that nasty crap. So I have to go all bass pro shop on my dinner and fish out the beans. We always have to have green bean casserole for thanksgiving. But I don’t think anyone but my sister eats it. Here’s the strange part. She hates mushrooms (me too) but she’ll eat it in the casserole. I shouldn’t talk like that. I have strange eating habits too. It just strikes me as odd.

I can’t recall when I stopped eating green beans. I know I used to eat them. I just find the texture, the taste, the inside of the bean when you split it open, bleh. They’re repulsive. No amount of seasoning or butter will cover the taste up. It’s crazy the amount of this shit we sell at work. People buy it up like there’s no tomorrow. We can put out almost twelve pounds of it and it’ll all sell. People love them. I guess it’s just assumed that everyone does.

Our store had a holiday dinner for the employees. It was roast, chicken, salad, green beans, and potatoes augratin. Out of all that wonderfully prepared food,  I ate just the chicken. The roast had some mushroom sauce. No, wait. Scratch that. I did eat the roast. I had to wipe the crap off. So, this meal that I guess was suppose to be a good choice and a nice selection, I got fucked over.

I’ll eat green vegetables.

I love peas, lettuce, celery, broccoili (that one has to be cooked or I won’t eat it), cucumbers, and green peppers. I’ve tried other things. Lima beans and brussel spouts. I didn’t much care for those. Celery is great. It’s crunchy. It’s even better when you put cream cheese on it. Remember the raisins and peanut butter? I think the raisins were suppose to be ants?

Peas! Oh, god! I love peas. I’ll eat them frozen. People think it’s nasty. It’s the one vegetable that I don’t mind eating cold. Now, I am not going to get a bag of peas and eat it right then and there. No. That’s just effin’ stupid. I’ll cook them. I just like to grab a handful before hand. You know, quality control. :)

You can’t deny that I don’t like vegetables. I was raised to eat them and I did. It’s mainly the green bean that I’m just not crazy about. Vegetables are good. It’s nature’s candy. If I had to, I guess I would eat a green bean. The circumstances have to be grim. Say, I had to choose between eating a green bean or listening to Nickelback all day. I would eat the green bean. There is a chance for everything. But listening to Nickelback isn’t one of them. That sir, will never happen. Sorry to the people that like them. Everyone has their limits. Now…Hinder? Well, that’s a whole other story.

06/18/09

Ketchup.

I love ketchup. I think it has to be the greatest condiment ever created. They are great with onion rings, tator tots, and fries. I should rephrase that and say, when I used to eat fries, ketchup went great with it. I lost my taste for fries. That’ll be for another day. Anyway, so like I was saying. Ketchup is magical. I was at work a few days ago and a woman called about placing an order for some food. It was a birthday party for kids. She plans on getting hot dogs and burgers. I inquired about condiments. I figured they’ll want ketchup and relish. (not a fan of relish but I know kids like it) She said not to forget the mustard. I despise mustard. I think it’s horrible. I can’t explain the taste. I want to say burnt but that’s not what it taste like. I won’t even do honey mustard. She commented that she loves mustard and that her husband loves ketchup! The story doesn’t end there. Oh, no. She says, “He puts it on his steak.” Now, I can’t codemned the man for doing that. I did it when I was little. I grew up and now I like A1 or any type of steak sauce.

To not make this man out to be some freak, I like ketchup on my ham. When it’s Easter or Christmas, or anytime we have ham, I’ll pour ketchup right on it. It’s just something I do. I get looks and people turn up their noses at me when they see me put ketchup on my ham. Eff you, people. I work with food and I have been asked some weird requests. I’ll share those later.

What are you suppose to put on ham? I know it has brown sugar and pineapple and cloves, but what do you dip it in? Meatloaf has ketchup. Steak has its own sauce. Chicken is universal. You can put just about anything on it. Pork is smothered in gravy, or if I was eating it, I’ll dip it in an apple glaze.

I remember when they brought out the green ketchup. That was different. It was ketchup. It didn’t taste different. I think I got it once. I mean, you had to. If someone asked about it, you can say with confidence, “Yeah, I tried it!” I did. It was just green. I am shocked that I did try it. I have such a strong passion for ketchup, I fear it being green. It’s not right. It shouldn’t be green. Some things shouldn’t be different colors or shapes. Keep it red. It’s a great color. Unless tomatoes were green, then yeah, okay. I can see ketchup being green. It’ll ruin the flow of the hot dog though. Too much green! So then you’ll need to make the mustard red and color the relish yellow.

It’s tough being me. I can’t enjoy food without there being certain obligations with it.

Sorry about not posting often. I got caught up in other things. I will try to keep posting more frequently.

Till next time,

Kirk