This is why you can’t have nice things.

A mother and father waited in the living room for their two sons to show up for a talking to. The parents were not happy and weren’t going to let this be. They needed to let the kids know that they can’t treat their toys like trash. It is their responsibility to keep them in working condition and not just toss them aside when something bigger and better comes along. The two boys arrived and they were immediately directed towards the couch.  They know they are in trouble but for what is the mystery.

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The Talent Show

Jeff had never won anything in his life. He tried every contest on the radio and entered all the sweepstakes he saw on television or in the paper. But nothing ever was in his favor. He never won. He was a loser and he knew it. Jeff may be a loser when it comes to winning trips or life time supply of meaningless products, he was talented in one field. Jeff was a great swimmer. He wasn’t fast enough to win race or medal in swim meets but that was okay to him. He really just liked swimming and to him it was just a hobby. He didn’t want it to become a competition where the joy of swimming is lost in the grueling training that comes with overbearing  mothers and fathers. Jeff just preferred to keep swimming as a something he liked to do when he had time.

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The Bank Robbers

Two men walked into a bank and pulled guns on the unsuspecting customers. The people panicked and tossed their belongings over to the thieves as they demanded people’s wallets, watches, and purses. The security guard was no match. He was only one person and the two bank robbers were much larger than him. He would have lost the fight if he tried anything. A brave bank teller leaned over and sounded the alarm. The thieves heard sirens blaring in the distance and made a break for it before the place became infested with police and camera crews.

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The Cat And The Witch

There once was this really noisy cat living in a perfect, quiet kingdom. The cat would hiss and make all sorts of noises every hour of every day. One day, after hours of hissing and meowing and purring, a witch told the cat that one more sound and he’ll be cursed and never allowed to speak again. The cat laughed and took it as a bluff. He looked at the witch and cleared his throat. He hissed loudly and ran off. But before he got away, the witch cursed the cat.

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Dane Cook: How To Be Unfunny and Famous

I know I am a very funny guy. I also know that I am funnier than the untalented stand up comic(?), Dane Cook. Wow, just like that. I throw it right out there. I would have babbled on some before getting to the point at hand but something of this nature needs to be addressed quickly. I dislike this guy. I really do. I do not see what others do and what appeal he has on the general public. Sure he can tell a knock knock joke and steal a situational comedic joke like Carlos Mencia but telling me how fat my mom is or what other hilarious and untrue circumstances he’s been in doesn’t qualify him as a comedian. Being funny does. That sir is one thing you don’t have.  I’ve been to funerals that were more entertaining than you and the sad thing is, the guest of honor was funnier than you – even with them being in a coffin.

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