The Green Bean


I cannot and will not eat this vegetable. Everyone and their mom love it but me. I don’t think I’ve met another person who hates them. My sister is crazy about them. My mom would make this dish for us for dinner. It was meatball stroganoff..I think. She might call it something else. Goulash isn’t goulash to her. It’s, “Hamburger Italiano”. She corrects me if I call it goulash. Back to the point about the anti-Christ.

Her stroganoff needs green beans and it’s never just a handful. It’s like 8 pounds of that nasty crap. So I have to go all bass pro shop on my dinner and fish out the beans. We always have to have green bean casserole for thanksgiving. But I don’t think anyone but my sister eats it. Here’s the strange part. She hates mushrooms (me too) but she’ll eat it in the casserole. I shouldn’t talk like that. I have strange eating habits too. It just strikes me as odd.

I can’t recall when I stopped eating green beans. I know I used to eat them. I just find the texture, the taste, the inside of the bean when you split it open, bleh. They’re repulsive. No amount of seasoning or butter will cover the taste up. It’s crazy the amount of this shit we sell at work. People buy it up like there’s no tomorrow. We can put out almost twelve pounds of it and it’ll all sell. People love them. I guess it’s just assumed that everyone does.

Our store had a holiday dinner for the employees. It was roast, chicken, salad, green beans, and potatoes augratin. Out of all that wonderfully prepared food,  I ate just the chicken. The roast had some mushroom sauce. No, wait. Scratch that. I did eat the roast. I had to wipe the crap off. So, this meal that I guess was suppose to be a good choice and a nice selection, I got fucked over.

I’ll eat green vegetables.

I love peas, lettuce, celery, broccoili (that one has to be cooked or I won’t eat it), cucumbers, and green peppers. I’ve tried other things. Lima beans and brussel spouts. I didn’t much care for those. Celery is great. It’s crunchy. It’s even better when you put cream cheese on it. Remember the raisins and peanut butter? I think the raisins were suppose to be ants?

Peas! Oh, god! I love peas. I’ll eat them frozen. People think it’s nasty. It’s the one vegetable that I don’t mind eating cold. Now, I am not going to get a bag of peas and eat it right then and there. No. That’s just effin’ stupid. I’ll cook them. I just like to grab a handful before hand. You know, quality control. :)

You can’t deny that I don’t like vegetables. I was raised to eat them and I did. It’s mainly the green bean that I’m just not crazy about. Vegetables are good. It’s nature’s candy. If I had to, I guess I would eat a green bean. The circumstances have to be grim. Say, I had to choose between eating a green bean or listening to Nickelback all day. I would eat the green bean. There is a chance for everything. But listening to Nickelback isn’t one of them. That sir, will never happen. Sorry to the people that like them. Everyone has their limits. Now…Hinder? Well, that’s a whole other story.