The Chase Story: The Finale


There is a link to the first part.

Here is the finale. Enjoy.

Chase couldn’t see where they were taking him. Frank had him blindfolded the whole ride. He caught them arguing a few times about what to do and how, and when. The word, “kill” came up a few times but Tina would always be the one to say no. She was too worried about her parents getting on her for murder. Tina wasn’t one to upset her parents. They were very strict with everything she did. If they got mad at her for breaking a plate, she couldn’t imagine what they would do if she was an accomplice to murder.
The van stopped. Chase could hear some movement and heard the side door to the van open. “Get him out.” Yelled Frank. He was there for Sally. He used to like Chase. He thought he was a good guy. He never really saw him as boyfriend material, but as a friend to Sally, that’s all he was. Why Chase had to ruin her life and turn her down, he didn’t know. All he did know was he was there for Sally and was going to make Chase pay. The girls managed to pull Chase from the van. Chase fell to the ground and let out a scream. Frank laughed at the expense of Chase’s pain. He kicked Chase a few times and offered some free hits to the girls. They both agreed and kicked Chase as well. “Okay, okay. Enough horseplay. Let’s get him inside before someone see us.”
Frank, Sally, and Tina had parked the van outside an empty warehouse. Frank knew of it. He used to hang out here and get drunk with friends, and did other things that were, well a tad adult in nature. So he was very familiar with the warehouse. Chase was going to be kept upstairs in an old office. It was far from the doors and no windows were in the office, so no one can hear him scream if he manage to free himself from the gag. Frank carried Chase inside, followed by Sally, while Tina stood outside to stand guard. It was getting late. She had to get home soon or her parents would be very upset. No telling what they would do if she arrived home late.
They weren’t the only ones who had problems to worry about. Riley had waited another ten minutes before he figured Chase chickened out. He hid the gun back in a backpack and made his way back home. He should have known. He should have known that he couldn’t put all this on Chase. Chase probably still has feelings for Sally. Maybe he sweet talked Tina in to getting him and Sally back together. So many possibilities. Riley had already decided to give Chase a call when he got home. He had to see what was up.
Frank finished tying Chase to the chair. He took off the blindfold. Chase just looked at Frank and Sally. Is this what it has come down to? A kidnapping? Were they really going to kill him or were they just trying to scare him a little? Chase had to believe the worse. Sally has gotten a bit rearranged and there was no telling what she was going to do. Frank was just the same. “You could have avoided all this Chase if you just said yes. But no! You had to be a dick to my sister and shoot her down.”
“Maybe she was right about you. Maybe you are.”
“Right about what? What am I?” Chase thought to himself. What could be going through their heads right now. Sally left the room. She went outside and found Tina. “He’s all tied up. The plan is going just how we wanted.”
“That’s all good Sally, but I need to go. It’s getting late and my parents are gonna freak. I gotta go. Tell me everything!” Tina hurried off. She knew if she caught the bus just up the road, she can make it home just before her parents did. They will never even know she was out.
“Wait. I’ll have Frank take you home. Just wait here.” Tina didn’t really want to get a ride from Frank but it would save her some time. She didn’t want to take any chances of being late and having her parents catch him walking in after they were home. Sally got Frank and they both walked back outside.
“No Sally, you gotta stay here. Just for a bit. Watch him for a while.” Frank pushed Sally away from the van, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to pick you up.”
“Okay fine. Just hurry.” She said.
Frank put the van in reverse and was leaving. He stopped and rolled the window down, “And Sally…”
“Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Don’t worry.” She watched Frank leave, “Geez, what’s he think I am gonna do?” “I won’t kill him.” Sally continued her rant about Frank and his not trusting her all the way back in to the office where Chase was. He was still sitting there. His eyes followed Sally as she paced back and forth, still ranting about her brother. “I wasn’t going to do anything to you Chase. If I was even going to kill you, I would be nice enough to wait for him…But you had to make things difficult.”
Sally walked circles around Chase. She stepped out of his view, only to return with what looked like a hammer and some old nails. “DO YOU think I would do something without his permission?”
Once again, he shook his head ‘no’. She got inches in front of Chase and pressed the nail on his thigh and laid the hammer head on the nail. “I don’t know Chase..I always try to take my brother’s advice, but sometimes I don’t. I think this might be one of those times.”

Riley made it home safe. He was worried that maybe someone saw him with the gun at the mall. Luckily, no one did. Riley was alone. Which was a good thing. He had to put the gun back in his parent’s closet. They didn’t even know he knew about it. But he did. He would play around with it all the time. He would pretend the house was being robbed and he was the one who shot and killed the robber. If it was only true. He liked the feel of the gun in his hand. Which is why killing Tina would have been no problem. He has never actually fired the gun but how hard could it be? You just point and shoot. He’s played dozen of video games. It seemed easy. He just wanted to know what happened to Chase. He never saw him leave. Maybe they were still in there. Maybe they went out a different way. Maybe he chickened out and never met Tina. Which would explain why he never came back out. He didn’t want to face Riley and be ashamed of what he didn’t do. So many thoughts crossed Riley’s mind but none of them were even close to the truth. Riley put the gun back in the closet and went to call Chase. It rang a few times till someone answered. It was Chase’s mother. She didn’t seem all to well. In fact, she was quite frantic. It wasn’t like Chase to not call. He always called if he was going to be out late. He was her perfect little boy. He never did no wrong.
“Hello?” She said.
“Hi. Is Chase home? This is his friend.”
“No, I’m sorry he isn’t. I am actually looking for him myself.” Riley’s heart stopped. Chase never made it home. Something had to be wrong. But what went wrong? “If you see him, tell him to come home right away, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll do that.” He said and hung up. Everything Riley ignored. All the implausible outcomes that he thought never could happened, might have actually happened. Did Tina double cross him? Did Chase get hurt? Riley didn’t want to think about it, but what if…what if Chase was dead? Would Tina go that far to protect her friend? Riley had to do something. He had to find Chase. Only trouble is, he didn’t’ know where to start. “Chase, where are you?”
Frank and Tina arrived back at her house. Already waiting outside, were her parents. “Get the hell out of the car young lady!” Her dad walked around to the van. “Get your ass inside. We need to talk.”
“Sorry daddy. It won’t happen again.” She took a glance at Frank. He mouthed something to her that sounded to her like, “Don’t say anything” but she wasn’t sure exactly what he said. “Right now Tina!”
Her dad grabbed Tina and yanked her close to him. He gave her this menacing look then tossed her to her mother. “Let’s go sweetie. We all need to have a talk.” Her mother was more like the good cop when they had their family meetings. They weren’t really ever meetings. Tina never had a say in anything. What they said, goes.
Tina’s dad walked over to the van. Frank could see him coming. “If you touched my daughter, or even had the thought of touching her, I’ll kill you myself. You got that buddy?”
Frank never touched her. He never even thought about touching her. He was just giving her a ride home. He didn’t want to talk to this guy either. He had to get back to Sally. He was second guessing himself about leaving Sally alone with Chase. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do. He just hoped Sally wasn’t going to do anything rash.
Chase sat in the chair. He was in terrible pain. Sally had gone against her brother’s wishes and hurt Chase. Sally was already on her 6th nail. “It’s best if you stopped fighting Chase. it’s only going to make it worse.” Sally positioned the next nail. “Now, I got to be steady. I don’t want to mess this one up.”
Sally held the nail in her hand. She gripped it tightly, not letting it get away. She pushed the nail down, letting it pinch Chase’s body. Chase’s leg twitched. His foot shook violently. He could imagine the pain he was about to go through. Already with 5 nails, two in his thigh, two in his arm and the other driven through his palm. Sally licked her lips. Her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth. All her concentration was focused on the nail and the hammer. “This might hurt just a little.” Sally tapped twice on the head of the nail. She counted backwards from three, each time lining up the nail and hammer. “one.”
Sally brought the hammer back. With all her strength, she slammed the hammer right on the nail. Even with Chase’s mouth being sealed with tape, the scream he let out was loud enough to be as if he had nothing covering his mouth. Sally had driven the nail right into his kneecap, shattering the bone and leaving Chase with no chance of escape now. Chase eventually passed out, his bloody body slouched over. “Get up! Were not finished!” Sally screamed at Chase. He moved slightly, moaned twice, then dropped his head passing out again.
“God Dammit Chase! Get up!” Sally went out to the back of the chair and loosened the ropes. “Go Chase! Run away and leave me again!” Sally taunted him. She knew he couldn’t get away but it felt right to do just that. Sally kicked the back of the chair, knocking Chase to the ground. “Fucking piece of shit.” Sally tossed the hammer down and walked away. As she left the room, she looked back at what she did. “Frank’s gonna be pissed. Real pissed.” She closed the door and went outside to wait for Frank to return.

Tina sat in a chair like she was being interrogated. Her parents always did this to her. She was used to it. But this time it was different. This was not good. “We’re very disappointed in you Tina. You had us worried.” Her mother said to her.
“Honey please. Let me deal with this.” Mr. Carlson hushed his wife. He walked over to Tina. He placed his arms in the arms of the chair and leaned in close to Tina. “I am going to ask you once and I want the truth.”
“Okay.” She said to her dad.
“Where were you this whole time?” he asked her in a calm voice. Tina hardly ever heard the calm voice. He yelled 99 percent of the time.
“I was at the mall with Sally.”
He looked at his wife, who just stood there with her arms crossed. She shook her head. She knew with how she said, “at the mall” was a lie. This only made him more mad. He looked back at Tina. A vein in his head began to throb and that could only mean he was about to yell.
Tina jumped in the chair. This was it. She had to tell him the truth. “Okay fine!” she yelled back at him. “I’ll tell you.”
“And explain this too.” Mr. Carlson pulled out a roll of duct tape from Tina’s purse. That might be a little harder to explain.

Tina still sat in the chair. Her father twirled the duct tape roll on his finger. He didn’t’ speak. He just stood there and stared at Tina. “Please, honey. Just answer your father. Tell us where you were and this will all be over.” Her mother was still playing it cool. She was the good cop. She couldn’t be mean if she even tried. She did though. But she was put in her place by her husband and she of course, shut up. “Tina! Tell me now where you were or else.”
“Fine! Ok!” Tina huffed and puffed. She wasn’t even sure if they would believe her. Not many teenagers are involved in a kidnapping plot. But her parents were different. They can tell when Tina was lying. It was tough for her to get away with anything. “Okay. My friend Sally. You both know Sally right?”
Her parents nodded. “What about Sally?” her father asked.
“Let me finish dad. Sally has this friend named Chase. She really likes Chase. But Chase didn’t like her.”
“What does some petty high school romance have to do with you. You’re not doing anything with that Chase kid, are you?”
“No dad! That’s gross!” She was telling the truth. She never touched Chase. She never even thought about it.. Chase wasn’t her type. She wants someone who’s a little more stable. “Anyway, so Sally got mad and told some kid named Riley lies about Chase.”
“Tina, I don’t care about these kids. This doesn’t tell me anything. I want to know where you were and what you were doing. NOW!”
“I’m trying to tell you dad. Can I tell you story?”
“NO! I don’t need a story. I don’t need all their life stories. I don’t give two shits about them. They are not my kids. Sally is not my daughter. You are. I want to know about you. I want to know where they hell you were or you will get what’s coming to you. Now end this after school special speech and explain yourself.”
Tina hesitated for a minute. This was going to be huge. She wasn’t sure how they were going to take it. They might freak, they might not even believe her. Either way, she had to tell them the truth. If she even did lie, sooner or later her parents would find out. “Sally and I kidnapped Chase. He’s tied up in a warehouse. That guy is Sally’s brother.”
“YOU WHAT!?” Her mother ran from the corner she was hiding in and stood behind Tina. “Please tell me you’re lying.” “You are lying, right honey?”
Her mother looked in Tina’s eyes. From that small glance, she began to cry. Her once law abiding daughter was now a harden criminal. Tina just sat there. She looked at her parents who for the first time, were both speechless. Her mother picked up the phone. She pressed three very familiar numbers and waited for the other end to pick up. She looked at Tina and her husband and walked into the other room.
“Please dad! I’m sorry! I’ll tell you where the warehouse is and you can see for yourself! We didn’t do anything! We’re just trying to scare him. I promise. Nothing is going to happen to Chase at all.”
Frank pulled up to the warehouse. Standing outside was Sally. “Fuck.” He mumbled to himself and he rushed himself out of the car. The lights from the van were shining on Sally. That’s when he saw the blood and knew Sally made a big mistake. “What the hell happened Sally!? What did you do?”
“Don’t worry Frank. He isn’t dead. I just hurt him a little. Go see for yourself.” She rolled her eyes and turned her head slightly to see Frank rush inside to check on Chase. Frank ran up the stairs. He took giant leaps, skipping at least two steps, sometimes three with each one he took. He went down the long hallway and stopped at the door. He held on to the doorknob, unsure if he should open it. He knew he shouldn’t have left Sally alone. He knew she was going to do something. He didn’t want to open it but he had to be sure. He had to know if he was right. “Please let him be alive. Please God, don’t let him be dead.” Frank breathed in twice and on his third deep breath, he opened the door.

Frank stood there. His jaw wide open. The floor was covered n blood. A hammer laid on the ground, the handle stained red. On the floor was Chase. His body still tied to the chair. Frank began to panic. He swore repeatedly, pacing back and forth. “What did she do!? What the hell did she do!?” Already standing in the doorway was Sally. She smirked and walked over to Frank.
“Don’t worry Frank. I got everything planned out. We’ll get away with this.” It was obvious now that Sally has completely lost her mind. It was also apparent now that Frank was scared of Sally. This wasn’t what he signed up for. They were just going to scare him a little. They all agreed on letting him go.
“Sally! Look at him! How are we going to get away with this!? We just can’t leave him here.” Frank knelt down next to Chase. He placed his hand on his chest, then put his ear to it. A faint heart beat could be heard. “He’s still alive Sally. We need to get him to a hospital. I’ll take the blame if you want me too.”
“I thought you were going to help me!? He ruined my life Frank! I couldn’t let him get away with that! He deserved everything he got.” Sally stood over Chase. “Even this.” Sally picked up the hammer and with a few swings to his face, she put Chase out of his misery.
Riley was laying on his bed. He wasn’t sleeping. He couldn’t sleep even if he tried. So many things raced through his head. Riley grabbed his backpack. He opened his bedroom door slightly. He peered out and looked for his parents. From the noise downstairs, it was clear they were busy watching television. Riley walked quietly across the hallway and back in to his parents room. It was right where it always was kept. He put the gun back his backpack. On the top shelf was a flashlight. It was kept there for easy access if the power would ever go out. Riley figured he would need that too. He dropped it in the backpack and left his parents room. Riley shook off his nerves and walked down the stairs like nothing was up. “Bye mom! Bye dad!” He yelled out as he went for the front door.
“Where you going honey?” His mom asked.
“Over to a friends house. We’re gonna study some. Teacher said a pop quiz might happen tomorrow. We want to be ready for it.”
“Okay then. Just be home by nine.” Riley looked at the clock. It was just a little after seven. “I will mom! Bye.” Riley opened the door and left. He walked to the end of the driveway and stopped. It was either left or right. Left would lead to Chase to the busy city streets, the other would lead to rundown factories and wide open fields. Riley looked left. He paused for a moment then switched his direction right. “I’m coming Chase. I hope you’re okay.” Riley pulled the strap on the backpack up a little and headed down the street, the light of the city dimming out as he walked farther and farther away.
Tina was in her room. She sat on her bed and cried. Why did she tell them the truth? She was going to get in so much trouble. Not only her but Sally and Frank. From behind her curtains, she could see the familiar red and blue lights shimmering from outside. It was the police. “It’s all Riley’s fault.” She said. “None of this would have happened if he didn’t call.” It was clear to her now that it was all over.
The front door opened and voices could be heard. Tina expected the police to burst in her room like some sort of SWAT team. They were going to throw her on the bed and handcuff her, haul her off to jail and question her to no end. But that was just the glimmer and glamour of the movies. Things like that don’t happen in real life. They just don’t. The stairs started to creak and that could only mean one thing. With each step, Tina’s heart raced just a little faster. She backed her self against the wall and stood there, frozen with fear. The door opened and three officers walked in followed by Tina’s parents. “Young lady, would you mind coming with us?” One of the officers said. He motioned to Tina to come but she didn’t. She just stood there.
“Tina, go with the officer. Nothing will happen if you cooperate.” Again, Tina’ mom was being nice about the whole thing.
“Ma’am, I suggest you back away from the wall and come with us now. We will use force if we have to. This is your only warning.” The officer once again asked for Tina to come with him. But like before, she refused.
“Tina! Get your ass over here now and go with the police. They are a lot nicer than your mother and I.” Her father slammed his foot on the ground and raised his hand like he was going to strike her. He was right about it. It would be best for Tina to go with the police. They are a lot nicer than her parents.
“I am going to give you to the count of three miss to get over here now or will we come over there and get you.” The officer motioned to the other two to get ready.
Tina stood up. She looked around the room. This would be the last time she would see it. Everything was over. Sally and Frank were going to get caught and Chase and Riley were going to tell the police everything.
Tina started to cry. “I can’t. I just can’t. I’m sorry! We just wanted to scare him! No one is going to get hurt! I promise!” Tina shook her head and wouldn’t walk over to the police, who were getting more and more inpatient with her.
“Two….” The officer grabbed the handcuff from his side and nodded to his squad. All three took a step forward. They were ready to take action and bring Tina down like she was some escape convict.
“NO! I can’t do this anymore!” Tina looked forward, then at her parents. “I’m sorry mom and dad…This wasn’t supposed to happen!”
The officer never reached three. Tina ran across the room to the opposite wall. The officers scrambled to get a hold of Tina but were too late. Tina decided this was way too much. It was clear she was better off dead and that’s just what she did. Tina leaped from the floor and took a nosedive out the window. The commanding officer rushed to the window. He looked down and saw Tina’s body sprawled out on three of the five concrete steps leading up to the front door. Tina’s mother screamed and buried her face in her husbands chest.

Frank and Sally tossed Chase’s body in the back of the van. He was still worried about what was going to happen to them. Sally didn’t. She had it all planned out. “Just drive Frank. I’ll explain on the way.” Frank did as she instructed. Before he got this involved, he thought he was the one that was going to be in charge. He figured Sally and Tina would do as he said. Never in his life did he think Sally would do something like this. Never in a million years. That didn’t matter now. He was knee deep in some serious shit. He just hoped Sally had a good plan and a plan that works. If not, he could become a bus for someone like Chase.
“Okay. We’ll drive to that open field. We passed it on the way here.” Sally pointed to a pair of shovels and some bags in the back of the van. Frank worked as a landscaper on the side for a little extra cash. (Sure it might be a little predictable that two shovels, some bags and other items that could be used in the disposal of a body would be in the van, but hell! It’s a story. So suck it.)
“We find a nice spot. Dig a nice hole and drop his sorry ass in it.”
Frank looked at Sally. “That’s it!? We just bury him? Don’t you think someone will find him?”
“No one ever comes out here. Don’t worry. After tonight, we’ll act like this never happened.” She pointed to the field. “In there.”
Tina’s house was crawling with curious on lookers, paramedics and more police. It was a circus. The parents were still in here room being questioned just about every possible sergeant they had in the state. “We told you already! She said they went to some warehouse to teach some boy a lesson.”
“Who is this boy?” asked a sergeant.
“I don’t know. I think his name was Chase or something.” The father held on to his wife. They were still a mess. They have every right. Their daughter just took a swan dive from her bedroom window. They just wanted to be alone. But this was the police and their daughter was in to something deep. They had more questions.
“Did you say Chase?” The sergeant jotted down some notes then flipped back some pages. “I have a report from a Mrs. Miller. She said her son hasn’t yet returned home. He went out with some friends. That was the last she heard from him.”
“I never met this kid.” He looked at his wife. “Look Sergeant…” He stopped at looked at his badge, “Fine. I told you already. Tina said her and her friend Sally wanted to teach this Chase kid a lesson. They took him to some warehouse. That’s all Tina said. Why don’t you leave me and my wife alone and go find the kid?”
“I am sorry about your loss. Really I am. But if your daughter was in fact involved in some kidnapping scheme, I need to know all the facts.”
“That’s all I know. I swear. Now, can you leave us alone for a moment?” Sergeant Fine agreed. He motioned to everyone to leave. “I’ll back to ask a few more questions. Again, sorry about your daughter.”
Sergeant Fine walked down the stairs. “I want you to gather up a team and head down to the warehouse district. Check out all the abandoned warehouses. They have to be in one of those. I want you to bring this…Sally gal in. She has some questions to answer.”
“Got it sergeant.” Fine and the officer stepped in to their squad car and drove down the street. Fine radioed in some back up to meet at the district. “I don’t get kids these days. What happened to the youth of today?”
Frank and Sally were busy digging the hole. They were about done. “How far we going Sally?” Frank asked.
“I think it’s deep enough” The hole was just shy of six feet. Sally and Frank grabbed Chase and dropped him in the grave. It was that easy. At least Sally thought so. Her plan was perfect. She just hoped Frank would stick to the plan and not fuck it up. Sally and Frank stuck the shovels in the mounds of dirt and began to fill up the hole.
Sally wiped her brow. “Oh! I almost forgot. We should go back and clean up the mess. We don’t want to leave any evidence.”

Riley just passed the field. He didn’t even look. If he did, he could have probably seen Sally and Frank busy at work disposing of his friend. Riley was coming in the warehouse district. He wasn’t even sure if this was the right area. But he had some gut feeling it had to be. Where else would people go to be alone or hide, or maybe to hide someone? He passed a few warehouses. They looked the same. All gray and worn down. They would be the perfect place to hide someone. Riley picked the fourth one on the right. He didn’t know why, but it felt right. He looked around. He could see some lights coming towards him. He quickly ran across the road towards the building.
Riley felt his stomach turn. Something was wrong here. Something bad happened here. In the dirt was tire tracks. They looked brand new. Maybe someone was here. Maybe they already left. It was now the question of, will and when they would return.

Riley snunked in. It was a big place. Big places mean lots of places to hide. He spotted a set of stairs and took them. He walked slowly, hoping to keep quiet. Was this really what it came down to? He just became friends with Chase and was already out with guns blazing looking for him. Hell, he was already going to kill Tina for him. For them both. But Tina never came out, neither did Chase. So he has to assume the worst. He has to assume Tina did something. Maybe Tina set Chase up. He shouldn’t think that way. He shouldn’t think anything bad happened to Chase. But with everything that went on, and now finding himself in an empty warehouse, he had to think the worse. He had to think that Chase was in trouble.

Riley knelt down and pulled the backpack towards him. He dug inside and pulled out the gun. He fished around the bottom and found the four bullets he grabbed. He loaded the gun and cocked it. Riley stood up and looked forward. In front of him was a door. Riley’s body shook. A cold chill passed over him. “This has to be it.” He held the gun in his and took the stance he see’s people do all the time in the movies. He stood at the door with his shoulder to it. He listened.


Riley took one hand off the gun and took a hold of the door handle. He squeezed down and opened the door. Empty. He jumped in, pointing the gun around in all directions. Nothing out of the ordinary. It was a typical room expect for the blood stained floor. This was the room alright. This was where Sally did his friend in. But where were they? Where was Sally? Tina? Chase? This was not good. The blood, the chair, no one being here. It all added up to one thing. Chase was dead. Riley sniffled. He wiped the tears from his eyes. “They are going to pay for this.” Just like it was meant to happen, the sound of car drove up. The engine stopped and Riley could hear two doors open the close. “It’s them.” Riley closed the door. He positioned the chair to face the door. He sat down, pointed the gun at the door and now was playing the waiting game.

Tina’s father was sitting on his bed next to his wife. She was still in tears about losing her daughter. He was too busy thinking. “You okay honey?” His wife asked him. The police finally left and the crowd outside were sent back to their homes. “Honey…please answer me. Are you okay?” She asked him again but got no answer. He looked at her and gave her a hug and kiss. He sat up and walked out of the room without saying a word.

“Where are you going?” She asked. She had an inkling about what he was going to do but didn’t want to accuse him of doing something rash. She asked him again but again, he didn’t answer and kept on walking. He walked down the hallway, to the stairs, then to the living room. “Nick…don’t do anything stupid! Please! Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it!” She was standing at the top of the stairs, just yelling at him. It wasn’t working at all. She could even yell louder but it still wouldn’t make him turn around. His mind was already made up. Nick walked out the door and took one last glance at his wife before leaving. “I love you.” With that, he shut the door. He stepped off the pathway on to the grass to avoid the spot where his daughter laid dead. Mrs. Carlson had got up the nerve to walk down the steps. She opened the front door only to see her husband drive off. She followed the car all the way till the backlights vanished in the darkness.

Riley sat in the chair. He could hear people walking around downstairs. The voices were too faint for him to make out. He hoped it was Sally. He was so hoping to see her face right before he blew it off and spread it across the walls. He looked around the room. It did need a little color. “Maybe red, to match the floors.” Riley thought to himself.

The noise was getting louder. That could only mean whoever was downstairs was getting closer to him. Each step they took made Riley’s heart beat just a little faster. His breathing became heaving. “focus. You got to focus…” Riley shook off the little ounce of doubt he had and steadied the gun in his hand.  His eyes were glued to the door. He didn’t blink. He just sat there and stared, watching and waiting for it to move just a tad. “In here.” A voice from behind the door said.

Riley didn’t recognize that voice. That wasn’t Sally. That wasn’t even Tina. Who was it? He wondered. The door opened and Fine and Riley locked eyes. Frank and Sally finished disposing of Chase and were back in the van heading back to the warehouse. “Did you hear that!?” Sally hollered at Frank. She wasn’t sure if he heard it or not but she did. It was the sound of gunfire, two shots to be exact. It was evident it came from the warehouse. But who was there?

“We can’t go back Frank! Someone’s inside the warehouse.” Sally was in panic mode. It was clear to her now that her plan was falling apart. Even with Chase dead, he still found a way to screw her over. It took some convicting but Sally finally got through to Frank and he agreed to not return to the warehouse. Whatever went on inside, wasn’t any of their concern. They had to get away. Frank pulled out from the field and headed towards the city. It was over. It wasn’t a very long ride back to the city but it was enough time for them to discuss their alibis.

Riley did get off one shot. Sergeant Fine was dead. It was Sally but at least for Riley, someone’s head was splattered on the wall. Fine’s body lay dead on the floor. His gun was still clutched in his hand.  Officer Stanley stood over Fine’s body checking for a pulse he knew he wouldn’t find. As for Riley, he did get one shot off. He didn’t have the quickest draw in town. He was slouched over in the chair, blood trickling down his arm. Stanley returned fire quickly, shooting Riley in the shoulder, disarming him. He radioed for backup and paramedics to the scene. “We got an officer down! I repeat, we have an officer down.” He looked at Riley. He was still alive, taking each breath for everything it offered. “Suspect opened fire and was taken down. I repeat, suspect is dead.” Stanley turned off the radio and walked over to Riley. It was just him and Riley. No one else was around. No one else was there to see anything or contradict his story. Stanley did what he thought anyone else would do and put his gun to Riley’s head.

Frank and Sally were arguing over where they were during all this. Sally wanted to say the movie but Frank wouldn’t go for it. He was more worried about Tina and all these ‘what if’ questions raced through his head. What if Tina did tell her parents everything? The gun shots at the warehouse? Was it the police? But who were they shooting at? Who else could possibly be inside the warehouse? It was then, that Frank got some great epiphany. The only other person that was involved in all this was Riley. It had to be him. Who else could it be?  “Frank! Just listen to me! I know what I am doing, okay!? We were at the movies. How are they going to even look that up? Hundreds of people go to the movies every night. It’s not like they have cameras set up or anything.” She looked at Frank and patted him on the shoulder, “Trust me. It will all work out. We’re going to get away with this.”

“What about the warehouse Sally? We didn’t go back. We were sloppy. They will eventually catch us.” Frank debunked her idea. That didn’t go well with Sally, who was very well content with her plans.

“So what? Whoever was at the warehouse is probably dead and will be blamed for this. I hope it was Riley. He deserves it. You know he wanted to kill Tina right?” You know that Frank? He was going to kill Tina for that piece of shit Chase.” Sally began to rant. She wasn’t making much sense at all. She was just glad that Chase was dead and she could go on living. Maybe when she got back to school, she could find someone new. Maybe someone a little more stable and not such a pussy like Chase was. Maybe a guy who knows how to say “yes”. He better say “yes”. Sally wasn’t sure if Frank would be up for doing this all over again.

Frank looked at Sally, taking his eyes off the road. “What the hell are you talking about Sally? We still need to talk to Tina. You just better hope your friend didn’t go whine to mommy and daddy about this. If she did, we’re all going down Sally.”

“Don’t talk about my friend that way Frank! You don’t know Tina. You don’t know her at all. She would never do anything like that. She lies to her parents all the time.” Sally laughed, “You don’t know how gullible her mom and dad are. They think they’re so smart but Tina is smarter.” Frank still wouldn’t go for it. He wanted to talk to Tina and it had to be tonight. They couldn’t wait till tomorrow. No telling what could happen over night. They had to get their stories straight. If anything didn’t match, the police will catch on and Frank, Sally, and Tina will have to answer to a panel of twelve people they don’t know.

Frank looked at Sally. “We’re going to Tina’s house. I want to get this settled tonight. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”  Sally looked away and sighed. “LOOK AT ME!” He yelled at her. She still didn’t respond. Frank took one hand off the wheel and grabbed Sally by the shoulder. “Sally! Fucking look at me!” That time, it got her attention. “We’re going to Tina’s, okay!?”

It was too late. Neither of them saw the car coming towards them. Both cars slammed head first into each other. Frank had at some point crossed the line into on coming traffic. Frank was tossed from the car. He was always very careless about not wearing his seatbelt. He never had a problem before. He would complain about how the shoulder strap would always dig into his neck. That was the main reason why he never bothered to wear it. If Frank just sucked it let the belt dig in his neck, he wouldn’t he laying dead on the hood of the other car. It didn’t look much like Frank anymore. His body was on the hood of the car, his disfigured and bloody head, laid on the passenger seat of Mr. Carlson’s car.

Mr. Carlson was the smart one. He always wore his seatbelt. He was all about “safety first.’ Nick had a few cuts and scrapes on him but it wasn’t anything life threatening. “Excuse me.” He joked and he reached over Frank’s head and opened the glove box. He pulled out a gun. His wife never really liked the idea of him owning a gun. She was worried that Tina would one day find out and end up hurting herself. Sally came to. She was a little dazed but okay to say the least. She took the same life lessons as Mr. Carlson and always wore her seatbelt. She looked at the wreckage in front of her and saw Frank’s body on the car. She looked forward and she saw Mr. Carlson. He waved to her and had this grimace come across his face. He lowered his hand and came back with a gun in it. He waved the gun back and forth, then pointed at her. “Fuck.” Sally said.

She reached under her seat and felt around a bit. She knew Frank hid a gun in his car, but wasn’t sure if he still had it. BINGO! She felt cold metal in her hand. Sally kept her eyes on Mr. Carlson. He was just sitting there. He could have easily gotten out of the car and killed her. He didn’t though. He just sat there and watched her. It was almost as if he wanted to give her some sporting chance to try and escape. Sally opened the barrel and looked inside. Only one bullet left. She just hoped her aim was up to par. Sally kept her eyes on Mr. Carlson and exited the van. Like a mirror image of Sally, he did the same thing. There they both were, both standing on opposite sides, both facing each other, and both with their guns in their hands.

The smoke was billowing in the air. A small flame was beginning to start from leaked fuel. If you were looking in the right direction, you could see it. One Officer did see it, along with a couple of paramedics. Officer Stanley had dispatched for back up and some paramedics to come to his aid. Officer Stanley’s back up was arriving quickly. Officer Starr was in the front squad car. His partner sat quietly, reading some reports. The wreck was something totally unexpected. Starr and his partner him were to go to the warehouse. No one mentioned a car crash. Starr kept his eyes on the road. He could see the wreck just a little in the distance. It was a mess from what he could tell. But this was what he signed up for. It is never a dull moment in the life of a police officer. Starr pressed on the break and put the car in park. He unbuckled himself and examined the crash scene. He saw Frank on the hood then peered into the car and saw more of Frank. Starr choked a bit and swallowed back down some vomit. He spotted a gun on the road. Next to it was a bloodied hand. “Jesus Christ! What the hell happened here!?” He said. Officer Starr returned to the squad car and picked up the radio. “I just arrived at the car crash scene. Better bring two body bags. This wreck is mess.”


The Chase Story.

I wrote this about a year ago. I used to run a website (www.pitweston.com). Don’t go there. It’s dead and gone. Let me explain the site to you. I used to play a game called, The Sims Online. There was a message board for players to post one. One post in particular was a classic from the day it was posted. It was about a girl, Kari (at least that was here username). In her post, she mentioned how a man was trying to break in her house and kidnap her. He already kidnapped her friend and drowned her in a lake. She was scared. But she threw a stick at him and saved the day.

Backtrack some. I owned a game, “The Movies”. It was a simulation game. You ran a movie studio. You were also able to make movies. So I thought, why not make a movie about that post. So I did that. It was a huge hit. But I needed some place to post it. So I got a website and hosted it there. The site was quiet for a while. I thought about adding a forum to it. To post my writings, movies, and what not. The site became more than I ever imagined. It was a trash talking, mud slinging site. A poster by the name of Chase posted on it. I don’t know why, but I wrote this story about him. I wrote it in parts and at times, I had a poll for the readers to decide what happened next. This is PART I of the story.

PS…It hasn’t been edited. There are grammar and spelling errors. PART II coming shortly.

One bright sunny Monday morning, chase was on his way to school. He looked so happy. He skipped the whole way, humming along to “It’s Raining Men”. He screamed in horror! His left heel broke. But he didn’t worry. He dug in his purse and pulled out some super glue and fixed it up. “Hey Chase!”
A voice called out from behind him. It was his best friend, Sally. Sally and him were like two peas in a pod. They did everything together. They went to the movies, the malt shop, sometimes they got their nails done together too. Sally reached around Chase and give him a big hug. Chase returned a hug, lifting his left leg in the air, bending it gently at the knee.
“You excited about school today Chase?” Asked Sally.
Chase smiled. “Oh course I am silly! Who wouldn’t be?” Chase and her walked side by side. He took a sip of his juice box and offered a sip to Sally, which she declined. Sally and Chase were just entering their Freshmen year in high school. It was going to be a big step for Chase and Sally. They were once the queens of the school but now, they have to start over at the bottom. Chase didn’t mind. He always preferred the bottom. Being the top was too much work for him. He liked the idea of it. A new school, new faces, a new learning experience. Chase even wondered about dating. Even Sally wondered. Would she meet the right guy? What about Chase? Sally always liked Chase Sally wasn’t dumb. She knew Chase liked her. But did he like her, like her? She had to ask. Maybe at lunch.
“Let’s do lunch Chase! I got to something to ask you.” Sally said. A smile was on her face. Chase smiled back and gave her another hug. “Okay.” he said, “Let’s get to the bus stop. We don’t want to be late to our first day of school!” Chase and Sally jogged to the bus stop and waited as the bus came to a stop. The doors opened and they entered. Sally and Chase took the two seats at the back of the bus. “Geez Chase!” Sally said jokingly. “Why always back here?”
Chase smiled and shrugged. “What can I say Sally? I prefer it in the back.”

Chase and Sally arrived at school. They entered inside. It was bigger than they thought. The bigger kids would stop and look at the freshmen and mouths insults towards them. But Chase was the bigger man. He had to be big at something. He lacks size in many departments. “Don’t listen to them Sally. We can do whatever we want.” He stuck out his tongue to the other students and made faces. As he stood there, a girl ran in to him and knocked him to his feet. “Watch it loser!” She yelled.
Chase wiped a single tear away from his cheek and held on to Sally’s hand. The bell rang and like a herd of cattle, the students scattered and went to their respected classrooms. “I’ll walk you to your class Sally.” Chase said.
Sally smiled. She knew Chase loved her. She just knew it. But how would she ask him? She didn’t want to come off as a bitch but how else do you say, “Do you like me?”
Surprisingly, Chase and Sally had their first class together. The teacher was already calling off names. “You’re both late. Find a seat and sit down.” He said to them. Chase and Sally looked around. The other students looked at them and laughed. Sally scanned the room, hoping to find two seats open next to each other. “Sally! Over here!”
It was Tina. Tina was Sally’s best friend since grade school. “I saved you a seat.” Sally looked at Chase. She didn’t say it, but it was that look in her eye. It was almost as if she was asking if it was okay. But Chase didn’t mind. He smiled and let her go about her way. Chase stood there still looking for a place to sit. In the back of the room was an empty chair. “In the back! My favorite.”
Chase walked to the back of the room and took his seat. He focused on Sally and just daydreamed about her. Sally did the same. Their eyes met and neither of them would look away. “HEY!”

Chase was startled. He looked to his right. Sitting there was a kid about his size. He gave Chase another hello. Chase responded back. The boy was playing with a pencil, blowing it up the desk and letting it roll back down, repeating this over and over. He stopped and slammed his hand on the desk, stopping the pencil. He caught Chase staring at Sally. “Who is she? She your girlfriend?” The kid was doing his best to hold back his laughter but couldn’t help it.
“Her!? NO! She’s just my friend.” Chase defended himself. He looked back at Sally who was talking to Tina, giggling about whatever it is girls giggle about.
Chase sighed. With Sally way over there, who was he to talk to now? The kid next to him tapped Chase on the shoulder. “This is going to be so awesome!” the kid said.
“What is?” Chase asked.
“Us. You know how much fun we’ll have back here? You can screw around so much in the back and no one will notice. It’s so much more fun in the back.”
Chase swung around, stretched his arm out and grinned from ear to ear. “The name’s Chase.”
“Hey Chase.” He smiled and shook Chase’s hand, “The names Riley.”

Chase and Riley chatted the whole time during class. It was almost like Chase forgot who Sally was. Why shouldn’t he? She traded him in for an old friend. Tina and Sally did go way back. They were best friends in kindergarten and still best friends to this day. After class, Chase walked to his locker. He tried a few times to open it but was having a tough time. Riley came by. Surprisingly, he was just two lockers down from him. “Let me help.” He said.
Riley banged twice on the locker and it opened instantly. “Wow! That was awesome! How’d you know what to do?”
Riley smiled and went back to his locker, “It just takes a few good pounds and it’ll open for ya.” He stopped and gave Chase a look. It was the kind of look that Sally gives Chase. “What can I say? I’m a pro at pounding the shit out of anything.”
Chase smiled back. He grabbed his books and headed off to his next class. Sally was behind him and was running quickly to catch up. “Hey Chase! Sorry about that. I didn’t know Tina was going to be in the same class.” Chase was about to speak but Sally cut him off and went about her story, talking nonstop. “Gosh, I haven’t seen her all summer. You would think us being BFF’s we would have seen each other everyday. You’re not mad at me, are you? Cause you can tell me Chase. You can tell me anything.”
“It’s okay. I did make a friend though.”
Sally’s ears perked up like a little puppy. “Oh!? Who?” She was curious about his newly found friend was. Was it a girl? Was she going to be replaced? What about the big question she wants to ask him? Would it all be a lost cause? Sally worried about it. She really liked Chase. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe they were only meant to be friends and nothing more.
“His name is Riley. He’s a really cool kid. Him and I like the same stuff. He asked if him and I could hang out this weekend.” He looked at Sally. She was happy for him but upset at the same time. She didn’t want to be replaced. This was the start of high school. She thought they would be hanging out every weekend. It was almost like they had too. She had it all planned out already.
They would date all through high school. He would work his way on the football team, she would become a cheerleader. They would join all the clubs imaginable. Senior year, they would be crowned king and queen. After high school, they would attend the same school. Her choice, of course. Then they would get a place together. He would propose to her at a fancy restaurant by candlelight, then marry 3 months later. Three kids. Two boys and a girl. They would live in the suburbs. He would work at the office and she would stay home to care for the kids. It was perfect. She had it all planned out.
Chase couldn’t ruin her dreams of a perfect life. She wouldn’t let someone else ruin it for her. If she had to she would go to the most extreme to rid him of all friends and chances he had to trade her in for someone else.
“It’s okay Chase. You can hang out with your new friend. I’ll see if Tina is doing anything. I hope her parents let her out. They are kind of strict.” But Sally did care. She was going to put an end to it. She was going to make sure that Chase and Riley don’t hang out this weekend.
“Let’s get to class Chase. Maybe we can find a seat by each other together this time.” Sally rushed up to Chase’s side and wiggled her hand in to his. “We’re going have the best time here Chase. Can’t you just see it?”
“Yeah…we will.” He said. But his mind was on something else and it was only 2 lockers down from him. Sally was right about one thing. He was going to have the best time here.

School went on about normal. Chase went to his classes and Sally went to hers. It was the final period before lunch. Sally was overly excited about it. It was going to be her moment to shine. Her moment to confess her love to Chase. It was going to be the start of a life together. Sally wasn’t worried much. She knew he was going to say yes. She was 100 percent sure of it.
Five minutes till lunch. Sally was sitting in biology class. She wasn’t even listening to the teacher. She didn’t care much about what the year was going to cover. She was only concerned about Chase. She dreamed about the moment when she asks him. Maybe Sally was dreaming too long. She felt a tap on her shoulder. It was the teacher. “You okay Sally?” He asked.
“Oh sorry. I must have spaced out.” She said with the look of embarrassment on her face.
He smiled and shook his head, “Well, let’s try to keep the dreaming at home. We don’t want to start off on the wrong foot.” He hurried her off to lunch.
Sally got to the lunchroom. It was already packed. The line was long and the tables were filling up with students. Sally looked around for Chase. Maybe he got here already and saved her a seat. She saw Tina though. But this wasn’t a day to sit by Tina. Actually, by the look of who Tina was sitting with, them sharing a seat together might never happen. The girls look like prostitutes. The make up was piled on, the hair soaked in hairspray. Any open fire near them and those girls would instantly burst in to flames. The hair and the make up were just the icing on the cake. The outfits they had on screamed, “I’m easy”. Sally had a word for those girls. She called them, “Whoes.” Tina was her friend, but those girls weren’t something she would ever want to be associated with.
Tina didn’t see Chase. That was a good thing though. It just meant she could stand here and wait for him to arrive. Sally was nervous. It was almost like she was going to propose to him. “Hey! You’re Sally, right?” Sally got a gentle tap on her shoulder.
She looked behind her. It was Riley. She sighed and gave him a fake smile. “Yeah. You must be Riley.”
He nodded. “Yeah.” There was an awkward silence between them. The looked at each other and around the lunchroom. “So…” Riley paused, “I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you two.”
Sally’s world came crashing down around her. How could Chase allow that? Why would he let this nobody sit with them. It was supposed to be her moment. Her time to shine. She wasn’t interested in talking about comic books or ISP’s or botting…She wanted to tell Chase how she felt. She barely even knew Riley but he was quickly becoming her arch nemesis. He couldn’t be here. She had plans. This lunch, their first lunch of high school, was going to be the start of their life. It was going to set in motion everything. It was meant to be. This Riley kid wasn’t going to ruin it for her. Nowhere in her plans was there a Riley. Where was he to fit in? It was going to her Chase and Sally forever, forever till they both die in each other’s arms.
Chase walked in. Sally’s eyes widened. She glowed. She waited for Chase to give her a hug and a kiss but received nothing. Instead, he went right to Riley and gave him some low five and a secret handshake. Sally was confused. How was it, that it took Chase three weeks to even kiss her, let alone hold her hand, but it took him less than 5 hours to already create a secret handshake with a complete stranger. She was beginning to hate Riley more and more. How could be come in here, acting like he’s the greatest thing and ruin what she was starting. Riley was going to ruin it all. She may as well just kill Chase and her now. Why go on living when her plans were going to be trashed.
Chase and Riley walked to the lunch line. Sally followed closing behind. In line, Chase and Riley discussed the newest X-Men comic book. Sally just stood there. Her mind wandered.
Sally found herself in a dark and empty gymnasium. She wasn’t alone. She couldn’t see very well, but there was someone hiding in the corner of the gym. Sally didn’t know why but she had to go to them. With each step she took, it echoed throughout the gym. The figure didn’t move. It just stood there in it’s safe corner. Sally continued on. Her once empty hand, was now clutching on to a knife. She didn’t question it. It felt normal, like she was suppose to have it.
She approached the figure. It was a man. A young boy to be more precise. But she couldn’t make out who it was. It didn’t really matter to Sally. It was all clear to her. She lifted the knife in the air and drove it right in to the chest of the dark figure in front of her.
“OW! What was that for!?” Chase screamed out.
Sally was back in the lunchroom. All eyes were on her. She turned red and tried to ignore the looks. It was a very uneasy feeling. It’s tough to keep your composer when you have 400 eyes on you. “Sorry Chase. I was just playing.” She said.
Sally didn’t like the dream. She killed someone. That wasn’t her. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t do that. Sally couldn’t ever imagine herself killing someone. She couldn’t even kill an animal. Sally was too nice. “I wouldn’t hurt a fly.” she said to herself.
Riley put his arm around Chase’s shoulder. No, Notoday. Not that kind of “arm around the shoulder” thing. It’s a friendship type thing. “You’re friend is strange. Let’s find a seat”, Riley looked back at Sally, “alone.”
Chase looked at Sally and shrugged. “Sorry Sally. Maybe tomorrow.” The boys walked away. They took a seat at a table and began lunch together. It was the start of a friendship and the end of Sally’s perfect life.
Sally looked at Riley and Chase. Their friendship was sickening. Sally clenched her fist. It was reminiscent of dream. “I wouldn’t hurt a fly”, she said,
“Unless that fly is named Riley.”

The first day of school was done and over. The students rushed out of school quickly. Chase waited on the school bus. He was tucked away in the back, like always. He looked out the window, waiting for Sally to show. He wanted to tell her about his day and he wanted to know all about hers. Coming out of the school was Sally and Tina. They chit chatted a bit, till they hugged each other. Sally went to the bus, while Tina entered her parents car.
“Back here Sally!” Chase said. He scooted over slightly, and patted his hand on the seat, urging Sally to sit. Sally really didn’t want to. It was over. “Why even bother?” she thought. He was going to hang with Riley all school year. She already kissed the crown goodbye. Her dreams went up in smoke. Although, Riley wasn’t here. That was a plus. Maybe she could weasel her way back to Chase. This could be her chance to get him back.
“Hey Chase!” Sally sucked it up and acted like the bitch she really was. “Oh My God! Tell me everything!” She sat down and tossed herself all over Chase. A hug, a few kisses, hands on his lap.
“Well, you met Riley at lunch…” Stop.
Exactly what Sally expected. It was going to start Riley and end with Riley. Chase had Riley on the brain. “What’s so great about Riley anyways?” Sally thought to herself. But it didn’t matter. She was going to make Riley just a memory. Sally wants the crown. If she has to go to great lengths to get it. If she had to, and Sally choked when she thought about it, but if she had to murder someone to get the crown back, she would.
Chase went on about Riley. “Did I tell you he’s loves sushi? Isn’t that awesome!? I love sushi too! He hates waffles too, just like me! And…and. Sally, you’re never going to believe this..him and I got the same thing for lunch.” Chase sighed. He was acting like a little school girl, just giggling and blushing about the whole thing. It was all about Riley.
“Yeah..I guess that’s pretty neat.” Sally rolled her eyes. She looked at Chase. She put his hands in to hers. “So Chase. I got something to ask you.”
Chase squinted his eyes. He had a look of concerned on him. What could she possibly want to ask him. It must be pretty serious. “okay….” he said.
“Well. I am going to ask you straight out. Not jumping around, beating around the bush. Going to be straight and narrow. Stick to the point, no dodging bullets, dragging it out, dragging it on…”
“Chase..wanna go out?” She did it. She asked him. It wasn’t that hard. Now, she has to see what he’ll say.
“Sure. Where?” He asked.
Sally laughed. “No..I don’t mean that Chase. I mean us. You wanna date? Like be boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Sally sat there. She waited for Chase to respond. It seemed like a whole night passed and he still hasn’t given her an answer. “Well Chase. Do you want to be a couple or not?”
Chase paused. He looked at Sally. He gripped her hand tightly in his and answered the million dollar question. “Sally, we’re friends. I don’t want to spoil that. Let’s not spoil what we have.”
Sally jerked her hand away from him. “So is this how it is going to be now? Just friends?” She sighed, “You know, I thought you were something special. I thought maybe, you know, you would be the perfect guy. But you’re just like all the other guys in school.”
“Wait Sally. I am not like all the guys in this school. I am totally different than them.” Chase put up a line of defense. He did love Sally but not like that. He didn’t want to get involved in romance. He didn’t want to spend his time thinking before he talks. Anything he says could end up being twisted to make him the bad guy.
Sally laughed. “I bet there is someone else.” Sally looked at Chase. “So…Is there someone else?”
“No! There is no one else. I promise you that. Look Sally, let’s not make this a fight. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’re the only friend I have. The only one!”
“Oh come on now Chase. Don’t fucking lie to me. What about that Riley kid? I thought you and him were like best friends now?”
“Wait a minute Sally. Don’t start in with that. I saw you and that other chick talking. What was her name, Gina or something like that.”
Sally sighed and tossed her head to the side. “Her name is Tina and don’t bring that shit up. you know, Tina is probably more of a man than you’ll ever be. At least she isn’t scared to tell me the truth.”
The bus came to a stop. “This is my stop.” Sally said. She got up and walked towards the front of the bus.
“No it isn’t Sally. We got three more stops.”
Sally kept walking, turning around to give him one last ‘fuck you’. “THIS IS MY STOP. Don’t follow me Chase. I want to be alone. I have things to think about.”
“Like what?” Chase asked.
Sally kept walking. Chase kept repeating himself over and over, “Like what? Like what Sally?” He ran to the other side of the bus. He pounded on the window, “Sally! Please stop! Talk to me! Don’t be like this!”
Sally didn’t listen. She ignored him and went about her way. She had quite a walk ahead of her. It was the prefect time for her to think about things. There were no puppy dogs and sunshine filling her thoughts. Her thoughts were dark and sinister. Chase ruined her life. He broke her heart. She had to retaliate. He broke her heart, she would do the same to him. She just had to think of how and when.
Maybe it was pure luck, or maybe it was fate. Coming around the corner, walking alone was Riley. He looked so happy. “What’s he so happy about?” Sally thought to herself. Riley has no reason to be happy. Why should he be happy and why should she feel miserable? Sally thought of the only logical thing to do. She was going to kill Riley. Okay, maybe not the most logical but a story by me isn’t complete unless people die. Sally was a sweet girl. She was happy, had goals and was in love. All that is now changed. Sally’s parents were right. High school changes you. Sally walked towards Riley. He saw her and paused a moment. “Hi Riley!” she shouted from afar. He said “hello” and waited for her to arrive. “Mind if I walk with you. I got some stuff I want to tell you about Chase.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s bad.”

“Where do I begin?” She asked Riley. They both walked together. This was her chance to ruin Chase. She needed to come up with some real whoppers. It had to be enough to cut the ties between Riley and Chase.
“Start from the beginning, I guess.” He said to Sally.
Sally did just that. “Well, Chase is a very troubled kid.”
“Troubled how?” He asked.
“Enough where you might get hurt. See, this one time in 5th grade, he met this new kid. I forgot his name. His name isn’t really that important. So this kid and Chase became really good friends. They -were always together. Chase was sort of controlling. He wouldn’t let the kid go anywhere or do anything unless he knew about it first. So the kid lied one day and said he was sick. Chase wanted him to go bike riding with him at the park. So Chase went to the park alone. Well, turns out on his way home, Chase caught his ‘friend’ with another kid.”
“So he lied to Chase, big deal.” Riley said.
“It is a BIG deal! Let me finish. So Chase saw them riding bikes together. Chase was so upset, he followed them both back to the other kids house. His friend rode off and headed back home. Chase walked up to the front door and asked to see the kid who stole his friend away. When he opened the door, Chase beat the kid up.” Sally paused. She waited to see if Riley would say anything.
“Wow…Geez…What happened to the kid? Was he okay?”
Sally stepped in front of Riley. “No one knows. His parents were so upset and worried it might happen again, they packed up and moved away.”
“Wait…there’s more.” Sally stepped back and they both continued walking. “Once when Chase and his friend, the same one..well, they were playing football in the front yard. A kid asked if he could join. Chase’s friend said it was okay, but Chase kept saying no. Moments later, Chase was on top of the kid beating him in the face with the football. Kid had to get 50 stitches. And his ‘friend’? Well..he got it just as bad. Chase not only beat his face in with a football, but stoned him with rocks. It wasn’t until a neighbor saw him that he got away.”
“WOW!” Said Riley. “What should I do? I mean, Chase was really friendly with me. At first I thought he was like hitting on me, but I don’t know. He sounds sort of mental.”
“He is.” Sally said.
“Then why are you still his friend?’ Riley asked.
“I have known him forever. I just don’t want other people to get hurt. If I could, I would have stopped being his friend a long time ago. Trust me Riley, I would stop hanging out with him if I were you..It’s not worth it.”
Sally stopped at the crosswalk. “Well, I live just down there. Riley, please for your sake, stay away from Chase. He’s bad news.”
Riley didn’t say anything. He just stood there.
Riley stuttered a bit. “I…I…I got to go….” He ran off.
“YOU DO BELIEVE ME, RIGHT!? RILEY!! STAY AWAY FROM HIM! HE’S GONNA GET YOU HURT IF YOU DON’T!” Sally smiled. She thought she did a pretty good job. They sounded believable. She just hoped Riley fell for them.

Riley got home. He thought about what Sally said. He knew she was full of shit. But why? Why would she lie to him and make up all this stuff about Chase? He was not going to hang out with this girl at all this year. Even at lunch she scared him. She just, for no reason, hit Chase. Maybe she was mental. Maybe she really needs help. Riley felt it was his duty to call Chase.
“Hello?” Chased said. He was sitting on the couch watching TV. Normally, he would be at Sally’s house or out with her shopping, or doing something lady like, but today was not the day. Sally was different. It was as if she was a totally different person. What made her snap? What was going though her head? Chase had so many questions. He even tried to call her but she didn’t answer. He left a few messages. By a few, he means 20. A little over obsessive, so maybe Sally was a little right about him.
“Hey. Can I talk to you? It’s Riley.”
Chase didn’t mind. He had someone to talk to at least. “Listen, Sally talked to me when I was walking home. She said some pretty nasty things about you,”
“What!? Sally!? Like What!?” Chase had rage. How could his best friend talk shit on him? What was Sally doing? Was this because he didn’t want to be her boyfriend? That’s all he could think of.
“She said how you’re a really jealous person and you beat up a few people cause they tried to steal a friend away from you.” Riley said, “Is that true?”
“NO! I would never do that! I am the least jealous person ever. Sounds like to me, she is the jealous one. I think she doesn’t like you Riley. Maybe she thinks you’re trying to steal me away from her. ”
“Which isn’t true. She is still your friend. Nothing wrong with having two friends.” Riley said to Chase.
“Right. She is about to get an earful. What should I do?” Chase asked.
Riley thought for a moment. By the way his face looked, you would have thought him and Sally were twins.
“I got an idea, but it is a bit crazy. Not sure if you’ll be up for it.”
Chase didn’t stutter. “Oh, I am up for anything. If she is trying to hurt me and hurt you, I will do the same to her. I am tired of her shit. She plays this poor me thing off too much. Tell me Riley, what’s your idea?”
Riley told him everything. He explained it all. It was a good idea. If Chase said no to it, Riley would do it himself. He even said that. He wasn’t going to let some chick tell him who he can and can’t be friends with. Sally was about to get what’s coming towards her. She can play ball pretty good but Riley and Chase can play it better. They just needed to make their move. It was a long shot. All they needed was a yes and the plans were to be set in motion.
“Good luck Chase. Let me know what happens. Hopefully we can get her back at her own game. Later buddy.” Riley hung up.
It was all up to Chase now. Well not really. He had to be persuasive. He had to talk out his ass and make it work. Chase took a deep breath and dialed the number. It rang a few times.
“Hey this is Chase. This Tina?”
“Yeah.” she said.
“Okay. Look we need to talk.” He said. He wasn’t too sure about this. Woman aren’t like men. They tell each other everything. Tina could tell Sally everything. They could end up playing them as well.
“Sally told me some things about you. Some pretty horrible things. You think we can meet somewhere and talk? The mall or something?”
“What!? Sally! She’s like my best friend! What did she say?”
“I know she’s your friend. That’s why I am concerned. Look can we meet? It would better that way.”
“okay, sure. Let’s meet at the mall in a hour.”
“Thanks Tina. And sorry about Sally. She’s been acting different.” He hung up. So far, so good. The plans are now set. Now, it is time to start the real fun.

Tina was at the fountain waiting for Chase to arrive. She was puzzled about the whole thing. Sally is one of her best friends. Why would she start saying things about her? Maybe it wasn’t just the beginning. Maybe Sally was saying things the whole time. Tina wasn’t going to let Sally get the best of her. She was going to show Sally what she really thought of her. Tina should have thought as much. Sally was always putting her down for the people she hung out with. She didn’t liked to be judged. Where is Chase? They were supposed to meet ten minutes ago. What was taking him so long?
It did give her time to think. She thought about a lot of things. Mainly about her friendship with Sally. If this was all true, how would this change it? Could they talk through it and become friends again? Or, will Sally continue on with the lies and push Tina over the edge. She already pushed Chase over the edge. That wasn’t a smart thing to do. Now Chase, her once best friend is out to get her and ruin her for life. Sally’s dreams were gone. Her best male friend was gone. Once Tina is out of the picture, Sally will have no one but herself. Chase liked that idea. He wants Sally to know how it will feel to be alone.
Chase came walking in. He was alone. He waved to Tina and smiled. “This is gonna be good.” He said to himself.
“Sorry, I’m late. I had to do some chores. You know parents.”
Tina laughed. “Believe me. I KNOW parents. My parents are very strict. I am shocked they let me out of the house to come here.”
“Where did you say you were going?” Chase asked her.
Tina smiled, “Oh I didn’t tell them anything. I just left.”
“So Chase, tell me what Sally was saying about me. I need to know.”
“Oh okay. That’s why were here.” Chase sat down next to her. “This goes back far. She always said you were like a lap dog. How you followed her around everywhere. How you always had to be like her. Same haircut, clothes, music, movies, taste in food, everything. She said you wanted to be her.”
“I don’t want to be like her! I like Sally a lot but never enough to be a copy cat.”
“Let me finish.” Chase interrupted her. “She called you a whore, a slut, a skank. You name it, she called you it. She hates being around you. She even said how you are the one responsible for me not wanting to date her.”
“She wanted to date you!? I didn’t know that.”
“She said she talked to you all the time about it. She said how you always told her not to ask me. That I would turn her down, which I did, but that is besides the point. She said that you wanted me and the only way it would happen is if you told her to back off me and not bother with relationships.”
“She said all that!? I don’t know what to say.” Tina was floored. Her best friend stabbed her in the back and was spreading some pretty nasty rumors about her. “I don’t know how to thank you Chase. I really don’t. I think you’re a really great guy. You know what a true friendship is all about.”
“It was nothing. So Tina. What are you going to do about Sally? You gonna tell her off? Treat her how she treated you?”
“I don’t know. Let me see what she says.” From behind the corner, walked out Sally.
“You fucking bitches! I should have known!” Chase jumped up and was going to walk away.
“Not so fast.” Sally said. “Sit your ass down.” Chase knew he was defeated. He did as he was told. “Why all the lies Chase? Huh? Why?”
“What about what you told Riley!? I never did those things. You lied, just like me.”
“It doesn’t matter Chase! You broke my heart! You have this coming to you.”
Sally and Tina ran and tackled Chase to the ground. There was a struggle. Chase tried his best to free himself but the girls were all over him. The girls finally got him to his feet. Sally and Tina managed to get his hands tied behind his back. “Let’s go out the other way. Less people come in through those doors.” Tina said.
“Okay. Thanks for telling me about this Tina.”
“It’s no big deal. That’s what friends are for.” The girls hurried outside. Waiting in a dark minivan, was Sally’s older brother Frank. He was always there for Sally. When he heard about this kid Chase breaking her heart, he did what any other good brother would do. He set up a kidnapping. “Let’s go Frank before someone sees us.” Frank helped the girls toss Chase in the van and they sped off.
The mall walkers and shoppers didn’t notice a thing. It was just another normal day at the mall to them. It was the perfect day to shop and to walk. It was always the perfect day for a murder. At least for Chase it would have been. Still sitting outside, at the other entrance was Riley. He was hiding in the bushes with a gun he stole from his dad. It was in his plan to Chase to lure Tina to the mall and shoot her when she walked out with Chase. Riley just sat there, waiting. It was taking longer than he expected. “Where are they!?” he thought to himself.


High School Reunion At Starbucks

I am still working on my “top ten comedies”. The list is hard. I have about 30 movies listed and still adding more. Breaking it down to only ten movies is going to take some time. If I starbucks-logocan’t get that posted this week, I’ll jump to another genre. Till then, I am treating you to a fictional story I wrote a year or so ago. I did go to my high school reunion. The title of this story is, “High School Reunion At Starbucks”. I wrote this well before the reunion. The day of the reunion, I decided to stop off at Starbucks. I really ran into Mark there. Towards the end, when I talk about his failed life and what not, that’s all untrue. He is doing quite well for himself. I just thought it was the bee’s knees when I saw him at Starbucks. I thought of this story instantly.

I have met a lot of people in my life. So many, I could write a book about them. Recently, I met an old friend from high school. After our meeting, it got me to thinking about lots of things. The people we know, old friends, and new ones. This will help explain how small our little world is. I don’t like when people start asking me about my personal life at work. I am all cool with it when it’s other employees. But when it comes to customers, I want to strangle them. Just reach over the counter and choke the life out of them. I would never do that but sometimes I wish I did. You see, it’s like this. I will be at work, doing whatever it is I do. Usually, I hold a clipboard in my hand and pace back and forth. I scratch my head and rub my eyes for some added effect. I look busy so normally people will leave me alone. “Stand back! He’s got a clipboard and he’s pacing! He’s got to be busy and I bet someone important.” It’s a trick I learned from someone else. Works well for me. If I can’t find my clipboard, I assist someone at the counter. I’ll be nice and serve them. While I am serving them, they like to chit chat. They talk about the weather, a party they are going to, or if it’s the holiday, they will talk about that. Every once and while, I get that one person who knows me.

We have that awkward silence between us. You know when you recognize someone but aren’t really sure if it’s them. You don’t want to come off as a fool and mistake them for someone else. That’s happened to me twice. Once, I was at mall and I saw someone from the back. I thought it was a teacher I had in high school. I run up to them and said something smartass. Well, they turned around, gave me a few choice words then went about their way. Another time could have possibly got me killed or at least got a hit put on me. I worked with this guy. He was from Trinidad. He had two cousins. One was a really big guy. He was quite scary. The other cousin was like a giant twig without leaves. So twig cousin was a bad person. He broke the law a few times and stole from the cookie jar from my store. He was forbidden to ever enter the store again Big cousin was a giant teddy bear but if he wanted, he could kill you. He was allowed in the store.  . I had no knowledge of which one was not allowed in .Well…I was at work one night and I saw teddy bear cousin in there. A manger walked by and I said to him, “Isn’t that ‘Jim’s’ cousin?” The manager freaked! “Are you sure!? Is it?” He ran to the phone to call the cops. I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t sure which cousin was allowed in the store. He didn’t listen and called. “Are you sure that’s him? Because I am calling the police right now.” I told him I’m sure that’s his cousin. I said he had two cousins…oh well. It didn’t mean anything. Cause some time later the police arrived and met big teddy bear at the doors. I was called up front to identify him. It was a big mess. BTB (big teddy bear is too long to type but I just typed it again, so there was no point to type it like that). Well months later, I am heading home and who is walking in?? You got it! BTB! He looks at me and I look at him. “You going to call the cops on me again [censored] [censored]?” I smiled and said, “No.” So if you are ever in a situation where it involves two cousins (one good…two legs baaaaaad), make sure you know which one is the criminal. You might get to see an aluminum bat up close. I was never attacked with a bat, but I almost got ran over by one of them in a car. Wasn’t sure if it was a planned attack or just bad driving. Either way, be careful.

Where was I? A lady one day was giving me this look. She knew me somewhere. After I finished giving her the salad, she sighed and said, “Aren’t you ‘so and so’s’ son?” (I will not say my mom’s name. I would call her Pitler’s mom but that name got lame. When you see ‘so and so’, that will be my mom. So don’t forget. I will have a quiz at the end of this post. So be ready for it.) I nod. She smiles and laughs. “Your mom is a wonderful woman! It’s been so long since I have seen her. Is she still at [name removed]?” Wow. You aren’t lying. It has been a long time since you have seen her. Cause my mom hasn’t worked there in about 8 years. I don’t even know how the remember me. I then look down and see my name tag. Ah…the last name probably gave it away. She thanks me for her food and says by. Before she leaves she tells me, “Tell your mom I said hello!” Okay! Will do. She leaves, I walk away. Stop. Scratch my head then turn around. Okay…so who was she? People do this all the time! They really think I know them. I don’t. Why do you assume I do? Sometimes I will remember them but for a good laugh, I’ll pretend that I don’t know them. Once and while they will ask me if I remember them. I will but I will be “um…no. I’m sorry. Did I go to school with your son?” She’ll shake her head. “No…You went to school with Julie.” I remember Julie. I liked Julie. Her dad was a cool guy. I see him every so often. I don’t think he remembers me.

Once in school we had a mock trial to put on. He was my lawyer. We ended up losing the case. And I was the innocent one! I was an innocent man in prison! I am going off topic. Anyway, so Julia’s mom will keep trying to get me to remember her and Julie. But I will play the dumb card and just be “sorry. I don’t remember you or her.” When I see my mom, I tell her someone said hello. She’ll ask who. “Don’t know. But some lady knew us and wanted me to say hi. So, hi.”

I wish these people would give me their names. It happens a lot. I was minding my own business one day when this lady walked up to me. First of all, she was being really mean to me. She was barking out questions, demanding this and that from me. I wasn’t in any place to be a jerk to her. I did whatever she asked of me. She was looking over some stuff, then looked at me, looked back down, and then looked at me again. “Hey! You’re ‘so and so’s son!” I figured this would be my chance to win her over and maybe make her like me some. I would have joked with her but I doubt this lady was the joking type. “Yeah. She’s my mom.’ We talked for a while about her. She also praised my mother. My mother must be an amazing woman, because these people all talk so highly of her. It’s sad that I am letting her down. The lady was nice at the end. She handed me back my license and let me off with a warning. Come on! Give me a ticket! I just want to know you’re name! I should have checked out her badge to see her name but when you’re being pulled over, I didn’t even look at her badge. I just looked forward. If I didn’t see the stoplight, how the hell am I going to even see her badge? A ticket would have been great! I would have at least got her name. I could have told my mom that “Ms. I don’t know her name” pulled me over to just say hello.

It just very nerve racking when I don’t know who people are. I know a lot of people. I have met a lot of people in my day. You work at a job for 14 years, you’re bound to know a few folks. I once made a list of all the people I worked with. Not the entire store, just those in my department. How I remembered them all, I don’t know. I maybe missed a few. I came to a total of 200 names. That’s a lot of people! I think it’s funny that since I left high school, I have seen maybe 3 or 4 former classmates. Of those people, I hated them all. I hated all my classmates. Which brings me to the point of all this.

I was out driving one morning. I was hung-over that morning. I like coffee in the morning after a long night of drinking. It helps. I get to Starbucks and walk in. I don’t even know why I drink there. I really don’t like Starbucks coffee. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. Maybe I go there because everyone else does. You see someone with a Starbucks coffee and you think, “Oh! They drink Starbucks! They must be hip! Only the hip and socially acceptable people drink there. Maybe that’s why I drink it. I know I don’t drink there for the price. It used to be the closet Starbucks to my house. We recently added one inside my store. I don’t buy coffee from there. I go to the real Starbucks. I will pass by the Starbucks in my store. I will sometimes stop and chat with them. I could easily get coffee there but no. I leave and drive to a real Starbucks. I shouldn’t really call it “the real Starbucks”. I am sure they’re both real. I just rather go to a Starbucks only place. I love KFC chicken. I really do. I love Popeye’s more but KFC is a better example for my awkwardness. There is a KFC 5 minutes from where I live. It’s one of those half and half places. You know the ones I am talking about. They put two restaurant places in one building. This one has an A&W and a KFC’s. Now I could go there and get KFC and be back home quickly but I can’t eat there. I have to drive another ten minutes to get to a real KFC. A stand alone KFC. Why? I don’t know. I think it’s better. Even the post office. I don’t use the post office stations at grocery stores or what not. I go to the real thing. Again, you ask why? Cause the mail gets delivered faster. At least I think it does. I am an awkward guy. So shut up.

I go inside the real Starbucks. I see the normal crowd there. I go there a lot. So I know the normal crowd. It seems to be the same people that go there. Outside, we got the emoish looking kids. They smoke and drink their coffee and probably talk about how much their lives suck. I don’t know. I don’t ease drop on their conversation. I am not Kelly. We got this old who sits alone. He is a really nice man. I wish he was my grandpa. I don’t want him to be just like my grandpa. If I did, he would be dead. I just wish you could like adopt old people. I’ve known him for years. He is a regular at my store. At least he was. He doesn’t come in anymore. Then there is this other guy. He is always there. Even when I don’t stop in, he’s there. My mom tells me about him when she she’s him. He wears a suit. I assume he’s a business man. He works on a laptop. That helps with my reasoning to say he’s a business man. His laptop is gray and has a few stickers on it. One is of a big yellow smiley face. The other is an Elvis Presley sticker. He’s got his hip jive going. He’s in a purple suit and just jiving away. You know how cool it would be if that sticker like really moved? I often wonder what this big guy does. He’s a really big guy. Not over weight big, but he probably does enjoy a nice Big Mac (or a Whopper, depending on his fast food choice) or three. I wonder if he is married? Is he single? I never get a chance to check him out. Even though that sounded really bad, I do check him out. I like to observe people. It’s what I do. He watches me too. Big Mac (that’s his name now) stares at me. Maybe he stares at everyone who walks in. I don’t know. But he watches me when I order my coffee. Dude…stop. Seriously. It’s really freaking me out. I don’t know. It shouldn’t really matter what he does or if he’s married or not. I will never hang out with him. There is never going to be some big “real Starbucks” pow wow between us, emoish kids and the old man. It’s not going to happen. Sorry. So yeah…Big Mac is always there. He just sips on his coffee, works on his laptop. That’s one thing I plan on figuring out. I want to know what he is working on. Is it some manifesto? Is it a book? Some TPS report? Maybe he’s play minesweeper or spider solitaire (I play SS all the time. I am up to 167 games so far). Speaking of the manifesto, there was this customer. His name was Larry. He smelled like onions. Not fresh onions but rotting onions. He always wore this plaid shirt that he probably found in the street, a ball cap and drank coffee for hours. I wonder if he made his way to “the real Starbucks”. I don’t know. We offer free refills, they don’t. So any way’s, Rotting Onions would get coffee and just write on paper. It wasn’t a notebook or even like a couple pieces of paper. It was always one sheet of paper. By his forth cup, the paper would be covered in ink. Wonder how many octopus’ he killed writing that. Well one day Rotting Onions forgot his paper on the table. One of the employees’s picked it up. We all wondered what he wrote about. That day, the mystery was solved. Turns out, he was writing some bizarre story or something. We never fully understood it. In his writings, Rotting Onions talked about how my store had a secret bunker hidden beneath the store. In this bunker, we had an arsenal of weapons. Guns, tanks, ammos, missiles, etc…WMA’s. (Saddam didn’t have them, we did.). Turns out our company was planning a hostile take over of the city. I can kind of understand him. I mean, they always saw how if a war was to break out, the Midwest would be the first to go. Since my company is Midwest based, I am sure he believes each store has a bunker. So were like working for the government. In case of an attack, we’ll be set. An attack would be bad. I hate to be the one to clean up the spill in aisle thirteen.

Like I said, this guy was weird. I wish I had that paper. I was promised it but my friend never gave it to me. If I had it, I would share it with you all. It was quite an eye opener. So Big Mac stares at me. I am in line. There are two people in front of me. The lady at the counter is another regular. I don’t know her. Maybe she’s new or maybe she comes in the times I am not there. She is all cheerful and chit chatting. She is talking about Russ. How Russ did this and did that. At first I thought she was talking about her son or her grandpa with a weak bladder, because she said how Russ went, and this is how she said it. How Russ went “pee pee” all over the couch. The gal behind the counter (btw…she is like totally hot) is all, “oh no! He did! That’s terrible!” She talked more about Russ. Turns out, Russ is her dog. I found that out when she said she hit him with a newspaper. I guess that works on dogs. Be funny as hell if she hit her kids or weak bladder gramps with it. I would pay to see that. I was getting impatient. I hate waiting in lines. It’s so annoying. Can’t you just order your coffee and leave? That’s all I do. I don’t chit chat. I just move on. I nod and smile and sometimes I say, “Long day”, when actually it hasn’t been. I just say that because I rather not talk about my day to a complete stranger. Sometimes when I go to the barber, they want to chit chat. I don’t like chatting. Cut my hair and let me get on my way. Now if it was the hot behind the counter girl, I’ll talk to her. I do…but she’s an exception. Well the pee pee chick orders her drink. I don’t even know what she ordered. I don’t even get half the drinks Starbucks sells. Double mocha latte no shot cream with dust…yada yada yada…or whatever. Order a coffee. It’s that simple. How did ordering a coffee become so time consuming? There should be only two options for coffee. Regular or Decaf. Nothing else.

She gets her crap in a cup and leaves. As she leaves, a relief comes over me. Turns out Big Mac stares at everyone or he too was amazed at the Russ the couch pisser story, which he had to get a glimpse at the animal abuser. Maybe he works ASPCA. Finally, I am closer to ordering my coffee. I love that feeling. When you get closer to the counter. You feel like you’ve been waiting for hours. You get one step closer and it gets you all excited. Then when you finally reach the front of the line, you act all superior to everyone else. It is like, “Hey! Look at me! Look where I am! Now stop and look where you are. Pretty lonely back there, huh? You have fun waiting while I pay for my merchandise and head home” It’s a great sense of accomplishment.

There is one guy in front of me. This dude is really short. He better not have some pee story to tell the hot chick behind the counter. I don’t want any stories. Just order your coffee and go. I want coffee. I got a hangover. Not really a hangover per se, I just felt icky (thanks Kelly­). I need my coffee to fell better. He didn’t order coffee. He had to order some strange brew. Add this, take that out, double this, and triple this please. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to drink coffee. The hot chick asked him for his name. He replied, “Mark.” I don’t know why but I heard that. His name got my brain ticking. Cause I know a Mark. I know a short Mark. Actually I know two short Mark’s but one is hairy and one isn’t. The one in front of me is nonhairy Mark. So Mark turns around. He did this sort of step to the side and spin thingy. I was stepping forward cause be was stepping aside. But we sort of bump into each other. “Excuse me.” I say, “Sorry.” I shouldn’t even be sorry. I didn’t’ do anything. He ran in to me. I just say Sorry a lot. It’s a bad habit. I try to break it but can’t. Sorry.

“HEY!” Mark says. He recognized me. But from where. I know short nonhairy Mark from somewhere…I just…can’t pinpoint where. It was like those times I mentioned earlier when you both know each other but just aren’t sure where. He must know me and remember me but I couldn’t. Like I said, I know a lot of people. He all, “what’s up?” I am trying to order coffee but someone wants to reminisce about old times. I obviously don’t care what’s new with you. If you could brew me a cup of coffee, then maybe we’ll chit chat about nothing. For now, leave me alone and let me get my coffee. I felt bad for being really mean. I kind of shooed him off when it was my turn in line. I mean it was either talk to short round or talk to hot chick behind the counter. It wasn’t that hard of decision. She smiled at me and asked me what I wanted. “I’ll make it easy for you.” I said I just want a black coffee.  That’s how coffee should be. Just black. I don’t even know what cream and sugar taste like in coffee. I have never tried it. I don’t know if I would even like it.

When I was little, I was dragged to church. I never liked church at all. There were only two upsides to church. I got to get an extra hour of sleep in those really comfortable wooden pews. On Sunday’s after mass, they had coffee and donuts. Why it was the highlight of Sunday mass…I don’t know. The donuts weren’t anything spectacular. They had only two kinds. They offered glazed and those plain cake donuts. Does anyone actually eat plain cake donuts? Those are disgusting. But it was free and it was sugar. You’re like 12 or 13…free donuts is a gift from God. Since I was a kid, I didn’t drink coffee. I don’t know how many kids do. I am sure more do now. Seems like kids are growing up faster than ever. But anyway, instead of coffee, the church people offered “juice” for kids. I don’t know who decided to call this stuff juice. I don’t even want to know the person who decided that, “Wow! This stuff taste great! Let’s make gallons of this stuff and ship it off to school and churches!” It’s not even juice. I can’t explain what it is. You assume it’s orange juice. I mean the bulletin says, “coffee, donuts and juice.” Juice should have pulp in it. Not powder floating on top. So we figured it wasn’t juice and it wasn’t slice. I loved Slice! It was the coolest thing. It was Sunkist, but I liked Slice. Cause saying Slice was much more fun.

So it wasn’t either of those two. What is the church trying to pass off as juice? It was the nastiest stuff ever. I can still taste it to this day. So I finally decided I am fed up with this juice scam. I figured I want to be an adult, so I went for coffee. You get this little Styrofoam cup. It was like one sip and that was to satisfy your thirst. Plus those cups were the cheapest cups ever. Every sip you take from those cups, you somehow chew off a section of it. By the time you’re done with your coffee, you got a cup the size of a Petri dish. Where is the money we put in those baskets going? Obviously it’s not going to the real juice and better cup fund. So I get my coffee. I take a sip. Wow…this stuff is hot. But I feel older already. I can’t feel my tongue but I could feel the chest hair already coming in. I look around. Why are those people putting that stuff in their coffee? Should I do that? But that looks like a lot of work. Plus, they aren’t all putting in the same amount. That’s too confusing. I will just stick with it like this.

So that’s why I drink my coffee black. I was never sure of how much to put in. I wonder if I did start putting in sugar and cream, if I would like it more. But I don’t like change or cash (I prefer debit), so doing so will ruin everything and ruin my life as I know it.

I get my coffee ordered. I slide my card and we begin some small talk. She asked how my day was going, so far. Told her, “it’s going to be a long day.” I get my coffee and try to go about my way. Mark is standing by that counter where they drop off your drinks. He gets his and starts to follow me. I really didn’t want to talk to him. I don’t even know you. I mean I do, I just can’t remember where. Was it school or was it work?

It’s always strange seeing customers outside of work. It’s like when you see your teachers outside of school. They leave school? They eat? They shop? I thought they just teach. I even hung out at the bar with a customer once. It was strange. We were talking about work and how much it sucks and all. There he is, just sitting there. He would sip on his beer and add a comment in every so often. A customer once tried to get me to meet him at a playground. A big “gepedo” light went off. I christened him “Norman Bates”. He would come in with his mother. She had to be at least 90. He was the biggest jerk to her. He would force food down here throat. Maybe he was helping her eat but when he’s using a crowbar to open her mouth and ramming a funnel down her mouth, that doesn’t look much like assistance. How him and got to the topic of writing but we did. I told him I write and what do you know? He writes too. So he was all, “why not we meet at the park and I’ll order a pizza. We can talk about our writings.” Okay…but what about your mom? You going to bungee cord her to the back of your van? True story. He drove this huge van. He would park his van and get out. He opened the back doors to the van and pulled out two 2 x 4’s then made a small ramp for his mother. He would crawl into the van; untie his mother from the bungee cord. Not her really, but her wheelchair. Then he walks backwards and wheels her down the ramp. Funny stuff. Don’t judge me. I was 16 or so when he did this. I was immature back then. Hell…I still am now.

So Norman Bates invited me to the park one day. I’m not going anywhere with you. And a park!? You serious? The park would be like eye candy to you. We never did share our stories. Too bad. So customer’s outside of work is a bad thing. Nothing good comes of it. I have spotted a few others. Sometimes I feel like I am in the hunt for Bigfoot when I spot one. “Look there’s one now!” I have another story I could tell about a customer. But I am not 100% sure if it’s true, so I’ll leave that one alone. I only write the truth.

After I thought a bit, I finally remembered where I knew nonhairy Mark from. I went to high school with him. Wow…that makes five people I have seen out of school. Let’s see…I have seen one at my job. I’ve seen another at a gas station (he was buying alcohol…so was I. we should have totally hung out), and I saw two others at a restaurant together. So I guess they still hang out. I never hung out with people from my high school. I didn’t like them. I am sure they didn’t like me either. Which is hard to believe, but not many people liked me. I mean it was your typical high school. But my class was one big clique. Everyone knew everyone. They were all friends; they all hung out and partied together. I was forced to go to Prom. That was my hard earned money thrown away. I never got invited to a party. No wait…I did. Graduation. A classmate asked me if I was going to go to her big party that night after graduation. Why did she ask me? She didn’t even like me. Maybe I was thinking too much into it. But I envisioned that at the end of the night, I would end up covered in pig’s blood and walking out of a burning gym. I had this big smile on my face. I looked like some kid on Christmas morning. “Yeah! That sounds awesome! Wow…Can you believe it? We made it.” I looked around. “I’ve had some pretty good memories here.” She gave me some piece of paper with directions on it. At the bottom it said in big bold letters, “NO ALCOHOL. ;). A wink smiley? Are you [censored] serious? Why not just say, “DON’T BRING ANY ALCOHOL. MY PARENTS ARE HIP TO OUR GENEREATION AND WILL SUPPLY US WITH THE ALL THE ALCOHOL WE NEED.” That would work a lot better. I didn’t even drink when I was in high school. Another reason why I wasn’t quote cool end quote back then. So why would I even go to this party? Why invite the uncool guy? I was tied to a chair once in class (I let them…it wasn’t like I was bullied.), I was thrown in to a brick wall, (that wasn’t my idea. I was talking smack on some guy…afterwards I had to show him what the definition of sarcasm meant), and dropped head first into a trashcan. (A teacher did that. I could have did some big lawsuit, but suing your school wasn’t cool till about 2001)

I took the directions and let her know so much enthusiasm (I sucked all the enthusiasm out of the room at that moment), “I will be there! And don’t worry. I won’t bring any alcohol. We’re minors. We obey the law.” Then I winked. I had to! The directions said to wink. She thanked me and ran about her merry cliquey way. You know…I didn’t like you when I was a freshman, a sophomore, a junior, or a senior. Why would I want to hang with you after high school? Run along little lady. Your clique is waiting.

Nonhairy Mark (which is becoming really a pain in the ass to write. I’ll call him…) and I were walking and talking. Big Mac watched us as we walked by. Maybe he wanted to ask us if us three could all go to the park together and share stories. I didn’t see a van parked out front and this guy didn’t scream taxidermist. So if we did agree to go with him, I wouldn’t fear for my life. But he didn’t ask us anything. He just sat there and watched us walk by. We took a table near the window. I had to decide which seat to take. Do I face the old man or do I face Big Mac? It was a tough choice. If I face Big Mac, he’ll stare at me the whole time. If I picked to face the old man, I wouldn’t know if Big Mac is staring at me. It would freak me out more not knowing if he was staring at me. So I took the lesser of the two evils and had my back towards the old man. Mark was all excited about seeing me. I couldn’t figure out why. He just grinned and nodded a lot. I was focusing more on Big Mac. Why does he bring a laptop in? It’s not like he uses it. He just watches people. But I do that too. At least I am not obvious about it. Mark turned around to see what was getting all my attention. He asked about Big Mac. I explained all about Big Mac to him. Mark wasn’t really interested. He just shrugged it off and began to interrogate me. We started talking about work. I told him about my job and how I am still doing it after all these years. He remembered when I first started there. He laughed and said, “I figured you would have moved on.” Nope. I haven’t. I asked him about his job. I waited. I asked again about his job. I looked at my watch. “I got places to go. You want to tell me about your great job or just sit there and look stupid?” Turns out, he was compiling a list a jobs. Did you see what I wrote? Jobs. Plural. That means more than one. Not saying having more than one job is bad. It’s actually a good thing. But when you have to borrow one of my hands to tell me all the jobs you have had, yeah…that’s bad. I just don’t like people who jump around from job to job. He’s been everything! I can’t remember them all but a few jobs he held were, waiter, he did the fast food thing, um….oh! He worked at Best Buy. He loved that. He said the discounts were the best and the only reason he took that job. He worked with a buddy mowing lawns but that fell through when they got in some tiff. They aren’t friends anymore. Now, he said he sold cars for a while, but I didn’t believe him. Right now he’s checking out his options. Checking out your options? What? McDonalds or Burger King? Go with the Arch. They have flexible hours. I worked at the Arch.

I worked there for three months. It was horrible. I called in once and played hooky. I was at my main job and a manager asked me if I wanted to go to a football game. I was shocked. Why did he ask me? No one ever asks me.  I told him I would love to but I work my other job. “Do you like that job?” I told him no. Then he tells me to call in! A manager said to call in and play sick. “What if I did that here?” He said if I did, he would fire me. Cool. So I called in. Lady got pissed. I said I had a headache or something. I come to find out the night I called in, the big boys came in and wanted the whole place scrubbed down. When I gave them my two weeks notice, I said I was sorry. “Sorry but I can’t work here anymore. My other job is taking all my time. If you ever would like me to come back, don’t call me. Because I am never coming back.” True Story. I really wrote that. I hated that place.

I wear this ring. Wait…I used to wear this ring. People would always ask me, “Are you married?” No. I am not married. Then like they are trying to prove me wrong, they shake their finger at me. “There! There! What’s that then!?” It’s a ring! What’s the big deal about it? Oh…and before you try to look smart, think about what hand it’s on. I wear it on my right hand. Not the left. I bought this ring because of a trip I went on to Vegas. I went with a girl from work. We were just friends. Notice how I said “were friends”. She hates me now. Go figure. So people thought we were going to get married there. We bought rings to have some fun with it. She ended up selling hers and I kept mine. Sorry, I tend to run off topic for no apparent reason. But this does relate to the topic. Mark notices the ring. Here we go again. No Mark. I am not married. I explained why I wear it and he looked at me like I was an ass or something. He was married. He told me that. It didn’t work out. That’s all he told me. It just didn’t work out. I sat there and wondered why. Maybe she put the cookie jar on the top shelf and he couldn’t reach it. He didn’t seem to mind that it was over. Unless he played it off but was really hurting inside cursing god for making him a staggering four foot nine. I kid. He was about five foot. I kept the conversation going. I asked about kids. It is going to hurt my mom. I am not going to carrying on the family gene. I don’t want kids. I am sure I would be a great father, unlike some people I know. I knew this customer. She/He (long story…okay. actually quite short. Some guy’s girlfriend dies and he became her. He wears women’s clothes, the whole deal)…so anyway. One day, I was talking to him. He would come in with a baby. A doll. I think it was a cabbage patch one. I don’t know. One day he came in with no baby. I thought, okay. Maybe he ended that charade. “Where’s your baby at?” I asked him/her. He replies, “In the car.” You left your baby in the car? Are you sick? If you did leave your baby in the car, I hope you at least rolled the windows down. It was summer and I was afraid that under that extreme heat, the sun would melt his baby. I would never be that bad of a father. I just rather not have kids and deal with bedtime stories, school and PTA meetings. You might be asking yourself how I know about him/hers past. A guy I worked with knew him before he became a she.

Mark has 3 kids. Three!? Are you serious? If I ever had kids, I would stop at one. Even one is pushing it. I can already see myself at the hospital.

Me: Push!

My Wife: I am!

Me: The doctor, not you.

Don’t they say the average household has like 3 ½ kids? I am still undecided on which half I would want. So Mark has three kids. The wife has the kids. He still seems them though. It’s strange to see people I knew from school and to hear they have kids? I am still a kid myself. I wonder if maybe I should set Mark up with Kelly. They would be a perfect match. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I am not the best person to turn to when someone needs a shoulder to cry on. I wear a leather coat and can’t afford to have it ruined. He’s opening up to me about his personal problems. I mean my life compared to his, I live a great life. Big Mac was looking at us again. Why does he keep staring at us? What does he want? I got a cold chill. It was a real uneasy feeling to know that someone is watching you. I can’t go to clubs. When I did go, my friends would drag me out on the dance floor. I just couldn’t dance. I can’t even dance. But I feel like all the people are watching me. This is why I normally hide in the corner at parties.

Mark asked about my life. What I am doing, what I have done. I left out all the nasty stuff. I rather make myself look good than try to have a battle of who has the worst life. But when I thought about, even now when I think about it, my life is ten times better than his. It’s nice to know that I am better off than someone else. There has been times when I just wanted to end it all…not like end my life, just sort of give up on everything and not care. But Mark made me rethink that. He made me realize that my life could be much worse. I could be him. He talked about other issues he was having. I rather not repeat the rest. Not for his sake but for yours.

I take another sip of my coffee and felt no burning sensation. I shook the cup a bit. I peered through the lid to investigate. I was out of coffee. This isn’t good. I have no more coffee. I looked at my watch and noticed the time. Okay. I really didn’t care what time it was. It’s the universal sign that you are bored and would rather be somewhere else. It’s not that I didn’t like Mark,  I would just rather be somewhere else. Plus, I was still getting that vibe from Big Mac. I politely excused myself from the table and let Mark know that it was time for me to leave. He said he had to go too but I didn’t believe him. With both said our goodbyes. I left but before I did, I caught Big Mac looking at me. I got in my car and went back home. People always say how it’s a small world and everyone is connected in some way. I call up a friend and tell them about my wonderful reunion. I mentioned his name and you know what, she knows Mark. Mark is her neighbor. Mark left some stuff out. Turns out he was being evicted from his apartment.

Wow…that was quite the post. I tend to ramble a bit. But this all goes to show, that everyone we meet or know, or pass on the street, we’re all connected in this wacky world. Oh…by the way. This is even stranger. I was telling my sister about Big Mac. I would swear on the Bible if I wasn’t using it as stepping stool. But she works with him. Not really works with him but they work in the same building. I should ask her about him. Maybe he likes Whoppers. I would feel bad calling him Big Mac all this time and come to find out he doesn’t like them.

If you are curious as to who “Pitler” is, it is me. It’s quite a long story as to why I have that name. Maybe if I feel up to it tonight, I’ll double post the story behind Pitler and as to why this story was really written. It’s quite a story and a good one too.

Thanks for reading. Oh, and if Mark ever does stumble on to this, sorry. No hard feelings.


A Date Story.

I know I have been slacking on this site. I am sorry. I am working too much. It’s my own fault. I am going to try and get back to this site and post more. I am pretty drained right now and not very well focused, so I am going to post an old story I wrote. I said I was going to change the site a bit. It’ll still be about food but also about me. Think of it as a personal blog now.

Here is the story.

It always amazes me how people want to set people up. Someone you know knows someone else who would be perfect for you. “Oh…you’ll like them!” I don’t like a lot of people and I really don’t care to date nor do I even want to get married. Marriage to me is like being n prison for a life sentence. Then you got to expect kids to come along sooner or later. Lord knows all wives want kids. But who knows. Maybe I will get married. I said I would never hit a girl*, so maybe I’ll get married.

So yeah…I am at work and the topic of dating came up. I think I am the only single person back there. No wait…there is three other people. Thank god they are there, or I would feel pretty lonely being the only bachelor. Like I said, we get to talking about dating. A gal I work with, I’ll call her Dana. So she is talking about her boyfriend and this and that. She asks me why I am still single. “I don’t know. Is it because I’m an ass? I don’t know…I just don’t care.” She gasps in horror. “You’re not an ass! You’re a sweet guy!” She continues to boost my self esteem or my ego. I prefer my ego, because having self esteem is lame. Who needs self esteem? Just know that you’re better than everyone else and you’ll do just fine. I finally agree with her. Mainly to shut her up cause I had more important things to do than start planning a wedding. A few days pass….

Days later, she and I are working together again. She is all happy or drunk, or since it was morning, hung-over. But whose happy being hung-over? I asked Dana why she was so happy. “Why are you so happy?” See? Told you I asked her that. Never accuse me of not doing the things I say I’ll do.

“Cause I got something I need to tell you.” Okay…What was she going to tell me? What was so great to put her in a good mood and was so eager to tell me? Finally…she tells me. Turns out, she knows this girl who is of course, single and wants to be in a relationship. I already knew where this was going. Dana raved about me. I know…she raved about me! Me, of all people. She said how I was this and that and that she thinks we would be perfect together. So she knows this gal. Her name is Kelly. Kelly wanted to go out on a date to get to know me better. Not that kind of getting to know. We’ll wait for the second date on that. I am talking about dinner and such. I didn’t want to piss off Dana, so I agreed to meet with her. I got her number and the whole day at work, I wondered about this gal. I wondered about the horror and the pain I was going to go through. God, I really don’t like people.

I get home and relax a bit. I am cleaning up and remembered the little piece of paper with Kelly’s number is still in my pocket. Crap…this means I need to call her. If I don’t call her, Dana is going to ask me why and I’ll say this, then she’ll say that, and then it will just turn ugly and work will be uncomfortable for the next few days. So I had to decide what I was going to do. I ended up calling this chick. My hand was shaking as I dialed the number. I was a bit nervous. What do I say? What are we going to talk about me? I always get nervous on the phone. This one time, someone called my mom’s house looking for me. She said I didn’t live there anymore. They said to have me call them back because it was very urgent that I did. My mom calls me and tells me about the call. I was just on my way out the door to see a movie (Resident Evil: Extinction. Go see it. It’s awesome) when my phone rang. It was my mom telling me the number and that I needed to call them because it was all urgent and such. So I called. It was an automated message about some political thing in Florida. Okay. For one, I don’t live in Florida and two; I follow politics, like I follow the rules of the road. I was so nervous calling that number. I was really curious as to who would be calling me and why it was so urgent? Guess I’ll never figure out what they wanted.

So I dialed Kelly’s number and the phone rang. It was one of those answer ring tones. It was playing that “Umbrella” song. I hate that song. So far, I am not impressed with this girl. I hated her answer tone, so I was sure I was going to hate her ring tone. I am very judgmental. One thing about a person can totally turn me off on them. I worked with this one guy. He was a really cool guy and all. Once I found out he enjoyed watching PBS, I made fun of him every time I saw him. See? I am Judgmental.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello? Is this Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah. Who’s this?
Me: It’s Dana’s friend, Kirk.
Kelly: OH! HI KIRK! I was waiting for your call.

Now was she like waiting, waiting? Was Kelly just sitting by her phone, watching the clock tick by and waiting for that phone to ring?

Me: Yeah, sorry I didn’t call you earlier. I was busy running errands.

My errands consisted of, getting Starbucks coffee and watching some TV.

Kelly: It’s okay.


Kelly: So…you like work with Dana?
Me: Yeah. She’s a really great friend.
Kelly: I know! I love her!
Me: Yeah. Me too.


Kelly: I was wondering if maybe we can meet somewhere. Go out to eat or something?
Me: (stumbling over my words) Yeah. Sure. I guess. I mean, sure.
Kelly: (sighs) Oh…you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
Me: No..no. I do. (That’s a lie)
Kelly: Really? Cause it won’t be a big deal if you say no.

The moment she said that, I really wanted to say, “No” then hang up and toss the number. That reminds me of this time at work. A long time ago, this customer asked me out. I didn’t know her at all. The most I knew about her, is she hated lettuce on her hamburgers. She gave me her number one day. I took it, you know, to be nice. I walked back in the kitchen, turned on the burners and tossed the paper on the fire. Tell you this. It was awkward seeing her after that.

Me: Really. I think it would be awesome for us to meet. I need to get out more. (Another lie.)

She was all happy and we set up some plans to meet. Now, I have a date. Dana is so going to pay for this. This friend of hers better be something special or so help me. We planned on going out to eat around 6 that night. She picked some Italian place. It would be my first time going there but I have heard the food is amazing. It was just after 4. I had 2 hours to lounge around before I met up with Kelly. Maybe this would be a good date. Maybe I will actually like her and maybe she’ll like me. Or, it could turn out terrible and we would both hate each other. If I was to pick the outcome right now, I bet my life that she will hate me more than I hate her. No..wait. I will do it the other way around. I will hate her more than she hates me. Remember? I am very judgmental. So I win.

I wait around the house thinking of what to talk about. Now..I haven’t been on a date for along time. I wasn’t sure if they rules have changed or anything. Should I bring note cards with questions on it? Maybe some cliff notes? I got in my car and started my way to the restaurant. On my way there, I began to think of questions to ask her or anything we should talk about. I figured religion, sex, and politics would be the best conversations to go with. Religion being the first topic. I pulled up to the place and got out. And then I remembered. I never asked her what she looks like. And I didn’t tell her what I looked liked either. This was going to be harder than I thought. But you make the best of any situation. I decided to make this a game of sort. I stood by car and had a smoke. I watched as people pulled up and walked up to the door. There was this one gal who was extremely hot! I just ogled her and hoped to God it was Kelly. But sure enough, who was following behind her? None other than her boyfriend. It wouldn’t have been that bad but he caught me looking at her. Now, I bet you’re thinking, “Maybe it was her brother.” Maybe it was. Her held her hand and kissed her. So there you go. Boyfriend/girlfriend…or brother and sister from down south. More people walked by. I saw families, married couples with kids, and single women. Okay. Ten minutes passed and no one who struck me as Kelly walked by. Maybe she stood me up! Or, maybe she got there before I did and was waiting inside. Yeah…she was inside. I walked in and there was this gal sitting alone. She was playing with her cell phone. The hostess greeted me and asked me if I needed help. “No..I am waiting for someone.” The gal (the one with the phone) overheard me and asked if I was Kirk. Not only does she have bad taste in music, she also likes to listen in on other people’s conversations. So Kelly has two strikes so far. It’s only the first inning, and we got 8 more to go.

Kelly was a pretty gal. She was about 5’6, or something. I am bad with heights. She had blonde hair and had these blue/gray eyes. I got a thing for eyes. The area between the neck and waist isn’t my thing. I mean it’s a really nice area. Don’t get me wrong, but eyes get me all the time. She had a great smile too. So she was good looking. I am not superficial, but appearances do play a big role in relationships. I’ll just say “she takes very good care of herself” so I don’t come off as some creep who is only concerned about looks. With that, I give her home run. Run the bases baby, you’re still at bat.

We get to our table. It’s a nice place. I am a big Italian food fan. I like food in general. I don’t like food that swims or anything that once lived in a body of water. That’s about the only thing I won’t eat. Our waiter comes over. We order our drinks. I was really craving some alcohol but I was driving and well…you all know the story. So I got a coke instead. She got some wine. That lush. I noticed the wine was poured in to what looked like a juice glass. You would think with this being some upscale restaurant, they would be able to afford wine glasses. We sit there and drink a bit and chit chat. It took a while for us to talk. We kind of just sat there and looked at each other for a while. We asked each other how our day has been. She talked about her job. She did some secretary job at some office. Or was it McDonalds? I don’t know. I was too busy looking at the waitress at the table across the way to bother listening. I told her about what I do. How I have been doing it for so long. She was all, “Oh…wow! You should own the place by now.” She joked. What a zinger. I haven’t heard that one before. If she wanted jokes, I have tons. But my jokes are rated R and I didn’t know Kelly that well. Maybe she’s really religious or a god fearing Christian. I’ve had Christian friends and when the topic comes up about Catholics and Christians, it ends with one of us storming out all huffy. There was this time at work (It’s sad that most of my back stories always happen at work. Maybe it’s because I am there 50 plus hours a week. A lot of things go down at work). So yeah..This one time at work, I was talking to a kid. He was about 17 or something. We got to talking about religion. He was a big Christian. After we argued about our faiths and what we believe in. In my case, I argued about what I think Catholics believe in. He looks at me and says with a straight face, “When you’re burning in hell for your beliefs, I’ll be in heaven with God.” That stuck me to the cord. I thought I was going to hell for being heartless. Guess being a heartless Catholic, I have no chance ever of meeting Peter or God. Guess you got to take the hand you’re dealt.

So after her stand up routine was over, we started talking about our families. She said her family is really close. She said how they always get together for the holidays and always there for each other in their times of need. She has a brother and a younger sister that she loves a lot. Her brother is just a year older than her. She laughed when she said people always think they are twins cause “We are SO (she put a lot of emphasis on the word “so”) alike it’s not even funny.” I bet it isn’t funny. You’re not funny, so the similarities between you and your brother probably aren’t either. I told her about my family but I skipped their ages. Truthfully, I don’t even know how old my brother and sisters are. I know how old I am and my younger sister. After us, I am lost. She thought that was “cute”. How lame. My mom says “cute”. If she uses that word again, the date is over. I don’t want to date my mom. I don’t have an Oedipus complex. Forget it. She’s out. Inning is over. Now I am at bat.

I was sweating by this point. The awkward silence was getting to us both. Neither of us knew what to talk about. We kind of both just buried our heads in to the menu and would comment on the entrees. “Oh! They have spaghetti!”

“Really? You think!?” I didn’t say that but if I did, I would have got an earful. I am sure of it. Our waiter came over. He just saved the day. I ordered my food. I got some Fettuccini and she got steak. It took her forever to order. She had to know what was in everything. What’s in the garden salad? What kind of dressing do you have? Is there meat in this? Is that a heavy sauce? On and on. God, I hate going out to eat sometimes. I already know what I want to eat when I walk in to somewhere. I don’t spend fifteen minutes trying to decide. But even though it took her ages to order, she got a steak. That’s a real woman right there. She’s my kind of gal again.

We were alone again. This isn’t going to be good. I mean I like her. Well, her taste in food at least but our conversation was like a Pepsi left out all night. God, I really wish I brought some note cards or something. I would have had at least an idea of what to say. I thought for a moment about what to ask. Maybe ask about her interests. That should start at least some conversation. She liked running, music and clubbing. Eww…clubbing. I hate going to clubs. That last time I went to a club I passed out drunk and was asked, well told to leave. So clubbing isn’t my thing. I give her an out for that but she likes alcohol so I’ll let her stay. She asked me what I like to do. I told her. Love music, writing and movies. Then it went in to the whole, “what do you write? Like poetry?” No. I write stories.

This date was turning into a disaster. It made the Hindenburg disaster look like nothing. ”Oh the humanity!” We’re like so opposite. How did my friend think we would be perfect for each other? Cause we both like to drink? Well that’s all fine and dandy, but I do more than drink. She doesn’t even smoke. She thinks smoking is nasty. It’s icky. That’s what she said, “Smoking is icky.” Icky!? Are you serious!? People still say “icky”? It’s like I am on a date with a 12 year old. At least she didn’t have her hair in some pig tails. I knew a girl who wore pig tails and she was well in her twenties. She used to like me but after she had a falling out with another friend of mine, it kind of meant that I was out of her life too. Not that I cared. I never really liked her. It was just odd that she did that.

She was about to ask me something but my phone went off. Someone sent me a text. I love getting texts. Hell, a text from anyone would be great right now. It was from Jackiee. Jackiee to the rescue! I quickly pulled out my phone. I know I was on a date and all, but come on! It’s Jackiee! I had to see what she wanted.

“Hey Kirk! Just thought I would say Hi and ask how the date is going!”

I replied back and let her know that it was reminding me of Dragon’s Cove. Jackiee lol’ed and asked why. I said how she and I are not compatible. I couldn’t go in real detail at the time because I was getting looks from Kelly. I guess texting on a date is a bad thing? Why did no one tell me this? I shouldn’t have played with my phone. I always get mad at my sister when she plays with hers. I see why she does play with her phone. I mean, there isn’t anything else I can play with, at least not in public. So my phone was the next best thing. I finished talking to Jackiee and put my phone away. “Who was that?” She asked me.

I told her it was a friend. You would think it would have ended there but Kelly had to keep asking away. She had to nerve to ask me if it was like an ex girlfriend. No. Jackiee is just a friend. Then Kelly had to know where. You know how many looks and stares I get when I say I talk to people online? It’s really annoying. I am sure you all have been through it too. I kept trying to avoid saying, “online” but it was twenty questions with her. Finally I caved and said I knew Jackiee from online. Okay, I know that was going to get me looks and possibly end the date. I figured she was going to get up, toss her napkin down and walk away. No. Now I was getting a lecture. “You talk to people online?” She asked me if I thought it was safe. She said how she read some study about how some percentage of people online lie about who they are, their lives, sex and everything. So she was right on that part. I can name quite a few people who lied about who they are. I said that I trust Jackiee enough to know that she isn’t lying. Kelly ended it there. I know that pissed her off that I talked to “strangers”, as people call them online but it’s cool with me. I took candy from strangers when I was little and now I talk to them online.

Our food arrived. They set the food down in front of us and they walked away. “Looks good.” I said. Kelly agreed. Even if it looked nasty, I would still say it looked good. I mean, I have had some pretty sucky meals in my life but every time they asked me, “how was the meal?”, I always say it was good. Saying otherwise just means I got to talk to them more and piss off the cook. No one likes a pissed off cook. They do things to your food.

Kelly cut into her steak. She threw the fork on the plate and tossed her hands in the air. She huffed and sighed. “I asked for well done. I still see pink. I’m not paying for this [censored] meal.” Kelly had to make a big deal over it. Thank god I got my food already. Kelly waved her arms in the air. It was like she was some air traffic controller and she landing some jumbo jet. He walked over and asked what the problem was. I pointed to Kelly. “Is their problem with your meal ma’am?” Look dude! It’s not the meal. It’s her. She’s the problem. I say lots of things to myself all the time. I need to speak up more and just say it. The waiter was all apologetic about the whole ordeal. Kelly was furious. It’s a steak for heaven’s sake. Just drown it in some steak sauce and you’ll be fine. Of course, I was nice about it and was Kelly’s pep rally. I cheered her on as she stuck it to the man. “I asked for well done! I still see pink. Go back and fix this [censored] steak.”

Wow. Did she just say what I thought she said? I know. How rude. Who on earth eats well done steak? But she swore! After she said that four letter word, I knew I was in love. She went on a tangent on continued to swear more. More four letter words rolled off her tongue. With each word coming out of her mouth, I was ready to run out and buy a ring and rent the reception hall. I don’t condone swearing but I swear. How can I be myself if I have to watch whatever I say? What if Kelly and I really hit it off (which is not very likely), I can’t just hold in my profanities. It would be impossible. She did apologize about what she said. I laughed. I told her it isn’t a big deal. Said I rarely hold back what I want to say. By the way I swear, you would think I was taught it in grade school. Imagine that in grade school…French, Spanish, German, or how to swear? I bet you know the class that will have the full house.

Again he said he was sorry and hurried back to the kitchen to fix the steak. While we waited, she just complained about her meal and kept asking me, “Is it that hard to cook a steak?” Over and over again. That’s all she said. I couldn’t even give her answer. Even when I tried, she cut me off and moaned about the meal some more. A bit later, the meal came back out. This time, the manager brought it out. He was the big man. He basically kissed her ass the whole time. He watched her cut in to the steak to make sure it was well done. Thankfully, it was. He said he was going to not charge her for her meal. It was on them tonight. Okay, what about mine? So I still got to pay for mine? That’s a load of garbage. He left and Kelly smiled. She just cut in to her steak and chewed. Ever see a dog eat its kibbles and bits? Imagine that, but pretend the dog is a human and sitting in front of you. Needless to say, I was losing my appetite.

So I ate my meal and she shoveled her downs with a back hoe she borrowed from the construction yard down the street. She shoveled the vegetables she got as a side down her mouth. She didn’t take time to even chew it. It was just a repetitive motion. A piece of the pea pod was sticking to the side of her lips. I swear I felt like I was in a barnyard. I bet if they offered her a trough, she would have taken it. ”That’ll do pig.”

We talked very little. When we did it was just a simple yes or no reply. We would come up for air to nod at each other’s comments. I didn’t bring it up, but she began to talk about religion. I don’t like talking about religion at all. I do but I need to be really drunk to even talk about it. She is catholic. How amazing is that!? I am Catholic too but I don’t practice at all. I don’t even believe in God, or heaven or hell…any of that stuff. I just live life. We both agreed on how our faith gets a lot of slack for praying to Mary and having saints that we pray to as well. The topic kept going. We got in to other religions that went on to the discussion of cults. I watched some David Keresh movie the other day. It was really boring. She said people who join cults are really foolish. How they are lost and just want something to believe in or feel like they belong somewhere. I laughed to myself when she said that. She asked me if I would ever join a cult. Before I could say anything (and thank god), our waiter came up and asked if we wanted any dessert. She said no. I on the other hand, was all for it.

I ordered some chocolate cake. It was delicious. (Whenever I spell out that word “delicious”, that Fergy song starts playing in my head) I don’t even like chocolate cake. The choices were pretty weak. They had some pumpkin cheesecake and something else I couldn’t even pronounce. I don’t even think our waiter said it right. Now was it wrong of me to actually get the cake? I felt bad for sitting there and eating my cake, while she just rested her head on her hand and watched me eat. It was well worth the seven dollars for that cake.

We finished our meal. It was really good. She ate most of hers. Most of her meal ended up in her napkin or on the floor. They sat the bill down and thanked us for coming in. Should I still be responsible for paying for the whole meal? I know hers ended up being free, but I thought she should pay half. I mean, it wasn’t like I set up the date. We both went. So we both should be paying for it. If I made her pay half, she would tell Dana and then Dana would tell everyone how I am a bad person and I make the women pay too. I couldn’t have that. I don’t want to be seen as a bad person.

We left the restaurant and walked outside. It was a bit chilly. I couldn’t tell but she did. She did that old chick routine. You know the one where they pretend to be cold so you get closer to them? I had a coat on. I don’t really need it. I just like wearing it. She didn’t bring one. Oh well. You’re the one who wants to walk the streets. Not my fault you didn’t bring a coat. I am not giving you my coat. So please back off. Maybe I could have handled that better. Guess there will be no second date. Rats. (That was sarcasm).

So we walked around. For those that know me, I don’t like people touching me. I have a germ thing. It’s not that serious. I just never liked shaking hands at church. Or when a customer grazes their hand against mine, I run to the sink to wash my hands. It’s bad. Who knows where their hands have been. Maybe they forgot their cell phone at home and needed something to play with. I don’t know. I never ask. So Kelly decided to weasel her way close to me. She digs around and finds my hand. How cute. I feel like a real couple now. We’re holding hands. Excuse me while I find some disinfectant. We stop at some shops we…SHE wanted to see. How many purses do you ladies need? She was already carrying one. Why on earth do you need another? We left the store and I got the privilege of holding her newly bought item. I noticed a computer gaming store down the way. I was hoping to get in there and look around. There is this game I have been dying to get. (World in Conflict). We get to the store, but no. Kelly doesn’t want to go in. Since I am with her, I am not allowed in either. She rolled her eyes at me and she yanked me down to a store that sells purses. “Why do you need video games? Those things are so juvenile.” I like how everything I do is “so juvenile”. She was treating me like some sophomore in high school. I mumbled to myself and called her some names. Kelly skipped her way to the second purse store. She was “ooo” and “ahhh” when she looked at them. None of them caught her interest I guess because we left the second purse store. She didn’t buy anything there. She just wanted to look around. That’s what she said. “I just wanted to look around.” You already bought one, and you already own one, I don’t see any reason why you need a third.

We back tracked to the parking lot. The other side of the street didn’t have any interesting stores. Half of the stores catered to women. Now remember how I said I hated her answer tone? Well, I got to hear one of her ring tones. It was her friend Ashley. Ashley’s ring tone was Kanye West. I hate that man more than he hates George Bush. Kelly has terrible taste in music. Kelly got off the phone. I asked her who it was. She told me that. When I asked what it she wanted, Kelly had the nerve to tell me, “It’s none of your business.” Wow. You know Kelly, if this is going to be the start of a relationship; we need to be honest with each other. We need to tell each other things. Secrets don’t make friends.

I was really craving a cigarette about then. But she didn’t like people who smoked. She thought smoking was “icky”. I should smoke. It was get me out of the end of the date kiss. I walk her to her car. Well, I was actually led to her car. We stood by her car for a while. Okay. You know Kelly. We ate, we walked around and you got your new purse. What else is there to do? She was all, “I had a really good time. I think we should do this again.” Again? I guess I impressed her. But how? I did all I could to not impress her. Again, I said, “Okay! Sounds great!” Why can’t I just be an adult and say what I really want. If I did, I would have probably would have made her cry. Crying which just escalate to something else and then I would have to stick around till she stopped. She hinted around for the kiss. I did a quick move. I was like David Blaine. There was no smoke and mirrors during this act. I did some slight of hand got a smoke out and lit it up. It was like that coin from the ear trick. Except it was a cigarette from the pocket. If you could have seen the look on her face! Oh Em Gee! It was priceless. She gave me this cold stare, like I murdered someone. Sorry Kelly. Not killing anyone but myself. That first puff was probably the only thing that made my night enjoyable.

She got quieter. You know when people either know they lost an argument or they are totally against something, they talk really loud at first, then by the end of what they’re saying, it’s so quiet that only a dog can hear it. Yeah, that’s what she did. I win! She got in her car and I stepped to the side. I just stood there and smoked while she began to pull away. She stopped next to me and said, “Have a good night! I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay! You do that.” I just turned around while she was saying her final good bye and walked to my car. I walked away from her when she talking! That has to be a big no no! That has to seal the deal with no second date. I sat in my car for a bit and laughed. This had to be the worst night of my life. I’ve been arrested and been robbed. Both of those were more exciting than tonight.

I am still waiting for her to call me back. Do you think she will? Should I call? What if she does, should I agree to a second date? Remember my “guess who Kelly is” game I played at the restaurant? Maybe I can make this dating Kelly a game. How many times can I piss her off? If I do play this game, I am going to need note cards for it. I see Dana at work Tuesday. That will be nerve racking. I can keep my distance from Kelly. But I see Dana 3 or 4 times a week. I know she’s going to ask how the date went. Kelly probably already told her how it was. This is all a mess. Maybe I should just call Kelly and leave some nasty call on her voice mail. This is all a mess. Now you know why I hate when friends try to set other’s friend up with people. It never works out. I guess I will let you all know how it turns out.