Stick a fork in me, I’m done: Part III

Here comes the final part to this three part post. I began this trilogy with my hunt for a new job. I explained how the last week went. That second post more or less talked about the final day I had and how awful it turned out to be. This final post is to talk about the good times I had at the store. I had some great memories at that store. Even when I worked at another store, I had some amazing times. I had the honor to meet a man who wanted nothing more than to take me out for a delicious, deep dish pizza. I met a man who was off his medication one night and created a story I dubbed, “the helicopter story“. I remember having a cool whip fight one night. Once, a friend and I plastic wrapped a girls car. Oh boy, did she cry and cry. Someone else got the blame at first but we were finally caught. We had a good talking to and had a finger shake at us for quite a while.

Coming to the new store, you are never too sure about who you’ll meet and if they will accept you or even understand you. I like to think of myself as a pretty witty person. I can be vulgar and slap stick funny, but I prefer sticking to an old fashion pun. What can I say, I’m punny. I cannot talk about everything in this post. I will try to talk about some of the greatest times I had there and what I hope will make a lasting impression on some people. I hope that with me moving on, mannerism and inside jokes will keep going or keep going until all those that knew of me are gone.

1. Lesbian Vest Day (LVD)

I cannot go around calling it Lesbian Vest Day. That would get me in a whole heap of trouble. Instead, a few of us dubbed it LVD. It’s catchier. LVD was a Thursday event. Each Thursday, a friend and I would come to work in a vest. We started with just a black vest but eventually put some money towards getting each a red one. We were allowed to wear different color shirts each day. We call each other up Wednesday and we would plan the outfit. Sometimes we wore all black. Black shirt, black pants, black tie, and a black vest. Stylish. Too bad for the below photo, the red vests came out looking orange. No matter, the LVD was legendary. I wanted to bring it back but never did. Maybe one day. Maybe another day down the road this great fashion statement will arise and become a hit. LVD forever.

2. The Lunch Lady

When I worked at the other store, I wrote a short story called “The R Sisters”. It was nothing serious. It was never a story I was going to send out to publishers. It was just something silly I wanted to write. This story was based off of people I worked with. The newest story I wrote was “The Lunch Lady”. It was never completed but maybe it will be. Maybe I’ll finally have an ending. I mean, I did leave and all. So the finale can come about with everything I witnessed in those 6 1/2 years. The idea of the story was about Super Heroes. Two fractions. The Tidy Titans vs. The Bad Guy Brigade. They both wanted control of the city. If they wanted to win it all, they would need the help of The Lunch Lady. She was dubbed Horrendous Helmet. Stick in other people I work with. Toss in the Fantastic Four (smalls, protein, droopy, tats). These four were Hell bent on bringing everyone down. Smalls lived Proteins backpack. Call it childish. Call it unprofessional. Whatever. The story was great. I mean, these people should have been flattered to be in such a story. Maybe one day I will finish it. Till then, a little section from this epic adventure!

The bus ride took them on the normal route. It was the same route they took every year. It was a ten minute drive through some residential areas, then to the busy city that all the kids remember from last year. Not much has built up during the summer. Only thing new that they could see, was a small shop that was to open in a few weeks. “Ed’s Snow Globe Emporium: Coming Soon.” It used to be a laundry mat but not anymore. The laundry mat closed up that summer. It went broke. The owner was pretty cool with letting his employees take money out of the register. It was called an “iou” but his people never paid him back. Ironically, Ed worked there. What was even stranger is the day after the laundry mat closed; Ed put up a down payment and bought the place. Now, I know this story can’t get any stranger but it does. The laundry mat lost with all its “iou’s” a total of 50,000 dollars. And how much did Ed front for the building? He dropped 49,999. He needed that extra dollar for a Pepsi. It was buy one get free. Plus those caps, he just doubled his chances of getting a free one.

3. Captain Planet Dances.

Yeah. Dancing With The Stars? Eat your heart out. I guess he’s a big star back home with his own personal dance. Honestly, people don’t have moves like he does.



4. The Smoker

If I were to scream, “ahhhh…..2”, you’ll have no idea what the hell I am talking about. But to those that I worked with, they will fully understand it. I fibbed on how this came to be. He didn’t scream the number 2. He screamed the number 3. It sounds funnier and easier to say. Screaming, “ahhhh……3” is too hard. If just waddling around screaming, ‘ahhh’ is a riot. You had to work with this man to fully understand half the crap I come up with. He was quite a character. Someone I know said he was an adult Cartman. I can see it. It’s sad that I am going to miss him. He would give me headaches half the time I worked with him. I guess without him, I might have nothing to talk about. Believe me, I got some of my best material cause of him.


5. The Peeps.

I worked with some pretty colorful people. I worked with a half Mexican/half Chinese gal. The laziest genius I know. (that was a pretty stereotypical joke right there.) I will miss getting grinded on. There have been so many times where I was groped where I could have called for an adult but I didn’t. For being a guy with a slight case of OCD, I sure don’t mind the occasional hands on experience. I did offer hand shakes and hugs when I left. I just don’t like being touched. Such a uneasy moment that day. Oh, and I saw you when she all over me. You can eff off. I know you’re glad I am gone. Believe me, I’m glad too. I at least don’t have to deal with your face and criticism anymore. I don’t even know why I speak of you. You left a bad taste in my mouth. (that’s what she said.)

I’ll never get to learn how to scuba dive. I had my chance but now that I am gone, who will teach me? Plus, she was gonna let me wear her own earmuffs. Can’t ever go wrong with earmuffs. Every morning, I would scream at her asking where my coffee was. Who will get me my coffee now? I can’t go around asking people for coffee like I would ask her. That’s just calling for trouble.

Other things I will remember for a while,

the hairy big toe.

“You trippin’!”

“I want biscuit and gravy. Yes! Gravy.”

“You got that!?”

“I got attacked by a pitbull.”



“It’s funny!”

“The customers called me at home.”

“I got hit by a steering wheel.”

“Durka Durka”


“It was Bethany and Michael’s fault.”

“Really? Really!?”

Being chased by someone with a lobster.

Ray’s missing finger and the high fours I gave him.

Ice Cream Paint Job.


“Stupid foreigner!”

“You gonna help with the twuck?”

Victor’s fake baby.

The witch.

The Virgin Butterfly.

“Kirkels!? Kirkels!? Thats’ not my name! OMG! I’ve called you that since day one!”


“(clear throat) Bitch.”

“You going to the back?”

While there is probably dozens more things I can include in this post, I can’t go on forever. I will miss many people from that store. I will miss the good times we had. Since I will not be around to amuse you at work, I promise to get back to work on the comics. Promise. I’ll be seeing you all whenever I can. Until we meet again, SUCK ONE!


I’m just stating the obvious.

People say I am an asshole. I don’t agree. I just state the obvious. Do something stupid and I will be sure to go with it. I will be sure to take it to the extreme. I’ll keep at it till the joke isn’t funny anymore. Thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for doing the stupidest crap ever. Without you, I wouldn’t have a sense of humor and wouldn’t have anything to talk about. If anything, you should blame yourself for me being like this. You made me an asshole. I’ll thank you later.




Just For A Laugh.

Two brothers shared a pretty bizarre habit. No matter what the size, big or small, they would eat just about anything. It wasn’t just food they would consume. They ate everything. They would munch on paper, bottle caps, straws, wrappers, and the occasional nickel. As time progress, they started to feel the repercussions of their troublesome eating habits.

One day, one of the brothers went to the doctor telling him that he and his brother were having terrible pains in their sides.  The doctor took a few x-rays and performed a few tests. After some time, he came to the conclusion and told the man to get his brother here as soon as possible. It was a matter of life and death.

The brother jetted out of the examination room and called his brother. “The doctor discovered the problem! You need to get here fast!”

The other brother put down a half eaten towel and asked what was wrong. “What is it? What’s ailing us?”

The brother held back tears. “I guess we have a pen in side us.”


BitStrips Comics.

My brother is the one who told me about this site. Bitstrips is a fantastic site to play around with. If you’re a fan of comic strips and always felt like you can make your own, then I highly suggest checking out this site to get your juices flowing. When I first got to the site, I tinkered with it. I learned a little of it, doing what I could to learn the in’s and the out’s of the mechanics. I would post comics with jokes. After a while, I decided to create a strip based on a zombie named, Frank. While I enjoyed making them, there isn’t much you can do with a zombie. The jokes run out and I am stuck with using the same routine over and over.

At some point, I felt like it would be fun to create strips based on people I work with. Maybe not the wisest thing but it is fun. I make one and post it on my facebook account. The comics aren’t great, they aren’t amazing compared to some of the people on the site. But for me, the joke is all that matters. To the reader who doesn’t know me or the people I work with, they will never fully understand the joke.

Earlier this week, I removed all the comics from view. They are still there but no one can see them. Since I feel my website is more important than there, I want to move each comic to my blog. I want to drive traffic to my site. I want to have the viewers of the strips click back and hopefully read my other entries on my blog. I know I don’t post much but there is plenty to read on here. I am planning on moving the comics over to this site and in doing so, I will still keep them hidden. I will only allow access to them to people who sign up on my site. As of now, that has not been implemented. It will be before I ever post a comic on here.


I want to move the strips forward, create a story and not just a quick joke then move on and wait till something happens at work to get my to create another strip. Believe me. I work with an interesting bunch of people. I will never run out of material.

I hope this is clear to everyone who does read the strips. They are still alive and will still continue. I won’t stop them. Call it a stress reliever. Call it a way to express and show my creativity. Whatever you want, I will make more. The cast of characters will grow. I will create more settings, longer strips, etc…

Thanks for reading and keep a look out for the strips.