That’s Not My Name

My name isn’t that hard. It’s a simple name. It isn’t a very common name but it’s not hard to spell. It’s 4 letters. I would hope that you would get it right. But do people? No. No one ever gets it right.

My name is Kirk. See? Easy to spell. Off topic but I must bring this to your attention. Don’t ever call me captain. I f**king hate it. I really do. It was cute when I was little but now it is just annoying. There is only one person who is allowed to call me that name. It’s an old teacher I had in high school who also happens to be my brother’s friend. He would be at my brother’s house for BBQ’s and he would call me Captain. He knows I don’t like it. I would call him, Mr. So and So.

Mr. So and So: You can stop calling me that. Call me by my first name.

Me: I can’t. You’ll always be Mr. So and So. You were my teacher. It’ll feel weird. 

Mr. So and So: If you won’t, fine. Then you’ll always be Captain.

Me: Fine. Deal.

Okay. Now that’s out of the way, it’s time for business. When I go out places I have to give them my name. Not all the time but sometimes. I will say my name. I admit that I talk fast. I blame being from Chicago for that. My mother and I can talk pretty fast and we’ll both understand each other. But whatever. That’s not the point. If I give you my name, I hope that at least they will write it down correctly. I’ve seen so many different spellings and so many other names it’s not funny. I’ve seen people spell my name as Curt. I’ve seen Kurk. I’ve seen a lot. But today was different. Today was the first time the person got my name way wrong. I don’t know how but they did.

Guy Behind The Counter: What’s your name?

Me: It’s Kirk.

Guy: Okay…

Awesome! He actually figured it out. Well, I thought he did. Here is a picture of my order. Look at the top. That’s how he spelled my name. He didn’t even come close! My name doesn’t start with a ‘W’.


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