It’s been a long time since I have posted anything on here. There hasn’t been anything exciting to talk about. My mind has been a pile of mush for a while. This is my attempt at posting again and maybe getting back into this before I do decide to drop my site all together.
I am going to kill Pit Weston. Let me explain. I don’t want people to think I am actually going to kill a real person. Pit Weston isn’t real. He is a character from a short story I wrote back in 1998. He is 17 years old. He is by standards, just a kid. A kid with a full life ahead of him. He is my alter ego, my persona online. At some point in life, you need to put away childish things and be an adult. That is what I am doing.
I have used this name for as along as I can remember. Pit Weston came about from a story I wrote one day. Not that I wrote it all in one day but the name came to life one day at work. Pit Weston is named after a ham and another employee I worked with. The story is about is troubled boy and his dying mother. Pit kills people. One of those people is his best friend, Dewey, who dies by being pelted by a nail gun. Pit dies at the end. He blows his brains out.
A good story. One of the first stories I wrote that wasn’t full of gore, zombies, and monsters. But after the story and once I found myself online, I began to use this name. It was who I was. It is who I am. He is me. Now after 17 years, I feel like it is time to put him to rest and end his life.
I am scared about it though. I am terrified about killing someone. Yes, he isn’t real. But to be this guy for 17 years, you grow attached to him and the name isn’t just an online handle but another version of yourself.
I love the name, I like the sound of it. The name is strong. It has a nice ring to it. But do I really wanna be running around 20 years from now still using this name because it sounds cool when you say it? Not really. I feel like the best way to part myself from this kid is to take matters into my own hands and kill him off and move on to being not an alter ego but stick to being me.
Will this site stay? I don’t know. I can end it and stop blogging, which I really don’t do much anyway. I can change domain names and still blog but that leaves me with the heavy-duty of deciding what to call it. I am killing Pit Weston. That is happening. I will be ending the name and making sure that I never use it again. It is always awkward when I am asked for my email and I give someone it. I am sure everyone is somewhat embarrassed with their first AOL screen name. I remember mine. It was LandofEvil. Once I created Pit Weston, he became the name I use and the only name I use.
I will miss him. I will miss the name. All things need to come to an end. His time is now. I find it odd that I am having a hard time debating about killing off a fictitious person. I feel like I am killing a real person and leaving a heavy weight on my shoulders.
I am close to ending his life. I am close to dropping the name all together and being me for once. Little by little, he is being erased. Will he still be there, online, on some corner of the web? Sure. I know I cannot totally wipe him out of existence but I can try. I can scour the web and when I do find a trace of him, squash it.