Have you ever had a childhood memory radically changed? I have. And recently. And I want to share that experience with you the reader. WARNING: If you’re a guy in his 30’s you’re about to have a boyhood icon put under the microscope.)
He-Man is gay. There, I came out and said it. (okay – came out isn’t the best choice of words here.) Seriously though, he’s gay. Really, Really, Flamboyantly, gay. Which is totally fine, it’s just that I can’t believe our parents never told us.
Let’s examine the evidence.
• The only women in his life are his sister, a witch, and the cartoon-hot daughter of his butch mustachioed friend. And he never hits on the ones he isn’t related to.
• In his Prince Adam persona he wears a skin tight shirt open to his nipple line, tights, and purple boots.
• And that’s the inconspicuous outfit! As He-man he wears Ugg boots, a freaking fur loincloth, and a chest harness!
• He has perfect hair. For an 80’s Chick. Remember, only women wore the Dutch Boy bob hairstyle.
• The only kitty he ever rides is four legged.
• He waxes his whole body. Seriously. Not even any armpit hair.
• His best friend is an older man with a mustache that would make Burt Reynolds jealous. Also the guy always wears a hat that looks like the head of a penis.
• He only hangs out with guys who are ripped.
• His most important possession, a sword, which is pretty much solely a fashion accessory, is just about the same sword his bitch boot and eff-me skirt wearing sister chooses to complete her outfit.
My daughter loves watching Qubo (an over the air cartoon channel) when she goes to bed. They play it every night. I hadn’t seen or thought of He-Man in at least 20 years. I caught one episode with her and was totally stunned I never realized it before.
Look, I’m a staunch supporter of gay rights. Any adult should be able to marry any other adult with whom they are in love. Gay marriage was settled over fifty years ago when the Supreme Court ruled against separate but equal. I’m not a homophobe, and it’s fine that Prince Adam is in a relationship with an older man. I just can’t believe I never noticed the homo-erotic undertones before.
The only thing I wonder about is why a gay man – in a kids show – runs around wearing a Nazi iron cross, a symbol of the hate of a political party that rounded up and killed gays. But that’s a topic for another day…