Grandma Judy Retires

I live in a strange neighborhood. Lots of weird and possibly, supernatural things go on here. I moved here three years ago and in theseHellfire Watchtower three years of trying to avoid the craziness, I was pulled in. I had to deal with an odd array of people. Not all the people who I have encountered have been odd and supernatural. I will exclude the Boston Pops from it. They are normal people. They are still friends and still the only sane people who have resided in this hell hole of a place I live in. It was that family who kept the evil entities at bay. They were basically saviors, sent by God to ward of the evil spirits, the ghosts, zombies, witches, and the evil Mormons who all tried so diligently to steal my soul and emotionally rape me of what little hope and happiness I had left. After the Boston Pops left, I was left to wonder who would be taking their spot? Who will be sent to protect me from the tormented souls that linger about? Was it Grandma Judy? Was it the old lady that took shelter in the vacant apartment to battle the demons and keep me safe from harm and eternal damnation? She was not a savior. She was also in the plan to rid me of my soul and finally finish the work that Claudia, Carlos, and the Evil Elder Mormons couldn’t. She was not here as an angel or a messenger of God but was here to brainwash me into joining her cult and if successful, I would be gone and then be property of the Dark Angel, Lucifer, the fallen angel and ruler of Hell.

If you are not familiar with her, click here to catch up and learn a little bit about her and the demon spawn child that also tried to coax me into their religious views of evil, torture, and banning of the pleasures we all see as just life in general. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Caught up? Good. But if you chose not to read it then let me just fill you in about her. She is a Jehovah Witness. She has a screw loose and from what I gathered from being in her apartment, she didn’t believe in technology. She still had a typewriter and a rotary phone. Silly to judge her for not conforming to the 21st century but it’s shocking to see that people still have typewriters. With her backwards ways and odd beliefs, she tried on many occasions to drag me into her religion. She offered me reading material and even criticized me for drinking and listening to devil music. I see nothing wrong with drinking but maybe she did have a point about the music. I mean, I am not a Justin Bieber fan but hell, you can’t deny that Beauty and the Beat isn’t a f**king awesome song. No, I am a Beliber but I had to see what all the fuss was about. Sure Justin might be a tool and easily compared to the scum on your shoes, I still have no regrets jamming to Baby repeatedly on my Macbook.


The Boston Pops left and with their departure, I was feeling the heat from Grandma Judy and the Ghost of Carlos. It was a few months ago when I finally saw the Ghost of Carlos and that turned out to be a very strange night. I’ll have to talk about that later. The world around me was unraveling. Claudia, the Dead Zombie Wife that lives in my walls is gone. I have yet to hear her but according to my new roommate, he heard noises late one night. His first guess was it was me getting up during the night to pee but I was not at home. Something else was making the ruckus and it spooked him. With my new roomie and his different beliefs, it only proves to me that Claudia is still very much active but now she is leaving me be and going after the man who resides in the room where I first encountered Carlos.

My new roommate moved in last month. After his arrival and him finally settling in, things changed. Things didn’t get worse. Well, maybe for me and ruining the flow of being alone for so long but after he moved in and brought of the last piece of literature, Grandma Judy waved that white flag and announced her defeat. The crazy, Jehovah Witness neighbor is moving out. I will no longer be pestered by the evil demon spawn that visited her often. No more chalk drawings of demonic creatures and satanic symbols. I will not be asked to turn down Bieber or have the Watchtower shoved in my face no more. Grandma Judy is gone and the apartment that has housed The Lazy Laundriers, The Boston Pops, and Judy, is once again vacant. What will arrive next? What force will be sent to rid me of my soul and forcibly shove my into my demise? Will it be someone good and pure like the Boston Pops or will I be subjected to more agony with the crazy cultish stylings of someone like Grandma Judy?

I did rejoice when I heard Judy was leaving. It was as if the angels in heaven blow on their trumpets and a rain of ecstasy poured down on me.

I am happy she is gone. I never really spoke to her but when we did speak, she was shaking her finger at me about what activities I do that upset her. They didn’t upset her as a person but these things I did, the music, the drinking, the washing machine that would become possessed, those things upset her because of the shitty and made up religion she decided to follow.

Thanks, Judy but I'll pass.

Thanks, Judy but I’ll pass.

The last meeting I had with Grandma Judy was enough to make your skin crawl. Her last effort to rid the world of me failed. It was her final attempt before she moseyed off into the night was a dastardly plan at murder. Yes, Grandma Judy tried to murder me. She was finishing up the final pieces at cleaning her apartment when she knocked on the door to offer me a farewell gift. Grandma Judy offered me a bottle of soda. An “unopened” bottle of orange crush. I declined. I am not a fan of orange crush. I’ll drink it but I just don’t care for the taste. It’s like Mountain Dew. It took me 33 years to finally taste the Dew and with just a sip, I noticed that I wasn’t missing out on anything. It’s awful. With Judy’s peace offering, I knew that this bottle of orange crush was in fact opened. It was tainted and inside this bottle of artificial orange flavoring, was a touch of death. She poisoned it with something. I don’t know what but I was sure that taking it was going to kill me. Grandma Judy was going to Jim Jones me and finally after 3 years of living here and fending off zombies, Samoans, witches, ghosts, Jehovah Witnesses, and Evil Mormons, their evil plan of killing me would be complete. Sorry, Judy. I saw right through you. I knew that the Orange Crush was poisoned and one sip of its citrusy goodness would end my life and the evil legion of nogooders would prevail.

I am safe. I am okay. I have the Jew to protect me from the evilness and from spiders. I will have to wait and have to prepare for what comes next in the apartment next door. Who knows what evil will move in. Who knows what the devil has in store for me. Pray for me. I don’t know how much longer I can fend them off. Sooner or later, they will win and when they do, all this will be a warning to you all. Evil is here and they will stop at nothing to claim what they feel is rightfully theirs.


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