Debbie Downers

Debbie Downer2I will admit that while I try to be a very positive person, there are times when I become a little negative. I am not always the happy, go-lucky person people seem to think I am. I have my days when I want to strangle the life out of each and every one of you. It’s nothing personal. I am just fed up with your depressing nature and the way you see life. I know life isn’t all sex and candy. I know life will be horrible and no matter how well we try, life will always be the red-headed cousin we try so eagarley to avoid. Nothing will protect us from the likes of the Debbie Downers. Debbie Downers have but one goal in life. They want to make sure we are sad. They want us to feel their pain. If they cannot feel joy then we, ourselves, shouldn’t feel joy, happiness, or anything that remotely feels like a warm embrace of love.

I am not the only person who has ever worked with a Debbie Downer. I know that there is a DD in all areas of the world. We all fear her Debbie Downerand we all know that when our paths cross, we will be subjected to the horrible life she lives and the pain she endures day, no matter how well the day is going. She is the salt in your wound. She is the fly in your soup. She is the hangnail of life. Debbie Downer doesn’t contribute to anything. Her only goal is to make sure that your successful and meaningful life will crumble when she walks in the room. You can be on cloud nine but when Debbie crosses your path, your days of cloud nine living will vanish, along with any hope that you can he happy. Debbie will be there to ruin that. She can make a joyful trip to Disneyland feel like a trip to the Holocaust museum.

I shouldn’t talk ill about the people I work with. I work with some pretty good people. Sure some may be hypochondriacs. Some might be members of the Black Panthers Some might even reek of cat litter and failure but those people are not anything like the Debbie Downer I face more often than I want to. How can someone be so depressed? How can a person’s life be filled with nothing but pain, sadness, and above all else, nothing to live for?

I feel nothing for these people. I don’t cry for them. I don’t offer them my shoulder. I don’t give them a tissue when life doesn’t go their way. I offer nothing but a simple pat on the back and a poor, meaningless word of advice. When I speak about giving a person a pat on the back, I am not actually talking about giving them a real pat on the back. I will never do that. I don’t like being touched and there is no way on God’s green Earth that I will touch your disease-ridden body. I just want to let people know that your cry for help does go unnoticed but I listen. I will listen to you squawk about your life and how dreadful it is to be you, I just don’t actually listen.


I like being happy. We all like being happy. No one wants to be sad and depressed all the time. No one wants to wake up in the morning and get blasted with problems before their feet hit the ground. If you crave that lifestyle of sadness, pain, and all things negative, then I don’t know what is wrong with you. I’d offer help but again, I don’t help people unless they’re me. Like I said, I like being happy. I like waking up and just being so full of happiness that music like the song below plays repeatedly in my head.


Wasn’t that song just so full of happiness and positivity? Why would you want to tear that feeling of warmth away from me? Debbie Downers wait patiently like lions in the savannah. They’ll wait for you to walk in with a smile on your face. They are disgusted by you. They find that pep in your step repulsive. That ugly thing called a smile on your face is cancerous to them. They can feel the happiness radiating from your body. If they cannot be happy, you cannot be happy. Watching from afar, they spot you. You give another co-worker a high-five and share that smile of yours. If you don’t regard the sexual harassment rules of your company, then a slap on the ass to the hot secretary who’s filling in for Phyllis while she and her husband visit Vegas for the umpteenth time, will be just as cool as anything. I am sorry for going that far off and speaking ill of Phyllis. I needed a filler and something funny to write. Besides, Phyllis isn’t that great of secretary. Word around the office is they’re gonna fire her but you didn’t hear that from me.

So, you high-five someone. You slap the hot secretary’s ass. All is good until the Debbie Downer jumps out and blocks your path. You wish them good morning and instead of saying it back, they inform you about a dreadful and life threatening issue in their life. They have a cold sore. They stubbed their toe getting out of bed. Their coffee is weak. Someone they don’t know personally died and they are too deeply affected by it. They are unsure of how well they can perform today. Nothing is taboo. They will tell you anything and share their life story with you, in great detail about how awful it is to be them, just to make sure that you too can feel their awfulness and the bitter taste of sadness inside your mouth. You can feel the happiness melt away. They sky will grow black and you’ll be like Winnie the Pooh with his little black rain cloud. The Debbie Downer is a virus. It is highly contagious and before the day is done, you’ll be brushing your teeth and smiling, then…


I wish that all the Debbie Downers in the world will just try to find a little ounce of happiness. I cannot stand the crying and then whimpering. Turn that frown upside down. Find something to be joyful about. I want them to smile and not be such a sourpuss when it comes to social interaction. People just want to work and not get invited to your pity party. We live each day in fear that they’ll be ruined by DD’s. Don’t let them win. Don’t like them share their grief with you. Don’t let them turn your day in a wasteland of human bile and vomit. Stand up for yourself. The world will be a better place if we weren’t subjected to Debbie Downers.


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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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