Candy Crush Is Not Allowed In My Apartment

Many things on the internet are evil. We have websites, social networking sites, and the infinite number of games that are readily available for you to download on your smart devices or play on your next generation game console. I have an iDevice. Actually, I have two iDevices. Not related to the topic on hand (which is okay cause I ramble on like a recently single woman does with her group of catty bitches) but I own the iPhone and the iPad, both I cherish more than my family and the small number of friends I have.

On these smart devices, I have apps I use rarely and I have apps that I use frequently. I have numerous games that I play daily, some I play weekly, and other games I only downloaded because they were free. Nothing keeps me entertained than defeating invading forces, killing zombies, solving questions about common knowledge trivia, or naming that tune about current pop hits. I only know the currently popular songs because I am in sync with today’s culture and all the current trends, no matter how cra cra they are.

Of all the games at our fingertips, there is but one game that I detest. There is one game I will not download nor will I ever play. I will treat this game like it is Facebook and vow to never play it. This game is the addictive game that has taken this world by storm. I am talking about, Candy CrushIs it really qualified as a game or will you agree with me and see it as nothing but a mindless pastime to appease the people of this fast paced and married-to-your iDevice world?

This is one game I swore on my farther’s grave that I will never play. I made it abundantly clear that while I do allow drinking, swearing, and anti-Semitic jokes inside these walls, I will never allow anyone to play or discuss jubilantly about the passion they have for this game. Sorry, but this is one thing I don’t allow in my Ben’s apartment.

From what I learned about this game, it is similar to Bejeweled and the other countless games that you connect like pieces to clear a level or earn a certain amount of points to advance to the next level. Why did the game become so popular when there are other games like it? What makes this game so addicting that over 500 million have downloaded it? Did my curiosity get the best of me and force me to download this game and become another number to the other millions of people who have spent countless hours popping candy icons, ignoring responsibilities to surpass the levels their friends have worked so hard to reach?

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I’d like to say that I haven’t. I want to proclaim high on the mountains that I wasn’t going to budge from my determination to never playing this game but I cannot. I cannot be righteous about not downloading the game. I did. I installed it. I played it. I haven’t just played it. I play it. I still do. I am hooked. I swore off Facebook and I promised to stay away from this game but I folded and I, like countless others, injected this heinous virus into my life, this virus called, Candy Crush and struggle for hours to complete a level just to feel some sense of accomplishment that I am not going to let a simple game show me up. I am now one of those people I mocked for playing the game. I feel ashamed but I am not. If you haven’t played it, you’re missing out. I’ve played Bejeweled but for reasons I cannot explain, this game is the apex of all games on the app store. If you were like me and vowed to never play it, stop that silliness and just install the damn game. You’ll be pleasantly surprised and will then ask yourself why you didn’t play earlier.

Candy Crush

f**k me. i’m hooked.

Oh, the humanity! How did I let this mindless and time-consuming game into my life? Why did I let the poking and prodding of other  people get the best of me and install Candy Crush? I would have used the word “friends” but two things keep me from using that word freely. One, none of my close acquaintances play the game and secondly, Helen Keller has a better chance of finding the light switch in a darkened room than I do at making friends. The game, while simple at first, gets tougher and more challenging as the levels progress. How many levels are in this game? I cannot be sure. I know there are over 230 levels. I only know that cause of Paula. That woman is over level 230 and is hooked. I am there. I am not at level 230 but I am hooked. I am constantly playing and swearing when I lose a level just cause I missed one damn jelly as the final move shows zero.

I am not trying to say the game is Mensa-level hard but it does get a bit tough I thought it’d be easy. I figured the penguin and 2.0 are the cliental the company King is aiming for. I mean, those two guys aren’t too smart. They both are far from having a three digit IQ. If they are the kind of ignorant people to play and complete the levels with ease, I have a sure-fire chance of finishing the game in days. I feel bad but I am calling a number of people I work with dumber than rocks but I am an a-hole and I don’t try to sugar coat it. They aren’t geniuses but they are compared to me. I downloaded this game and they haven’t. Scold me if you want. I had the audacity to criticize this game and how awful it is before I ever took the time to enjoy it. I am the dumbass who downloaded it and now that I play, I cannot stop. I want to beat the level and not stop, no matter that all “five lives” are used up. I cheat. I’ll use the “clock cheat” and change the time, advancing it to the next day, so when I return to the game the five lives are restored and I can keep playing, working my way though the lemonade lake without any problems.

I promised myself I would never play this game. I scoffed at those who did. I saw the game as a joke and a fad, just like angry birds (another game that became bigger than it should have), yet both games are on my phone. Candy Crush has taken over my life and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. I wish I can say that I regret installing it but I cannot. It’s a challenging game (at times)  to play to pass the time in waiting rooms, in traffic jams, or maybe when your spouse is nagging at you. It’s the perfect game to play to tune out the problems and other nuisances that trouble us day by day. I’d like to keep talking about the game I have a level to beat.

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I like food. I like the smell of cinnamon.

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